


The Fire Princess

by silvermax



Series: Three Generations [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Author Projecting, Bisexual Female Character, Coming of Age, Eating Disorders, Family, Sexual Abuse, discussion of abuse, episodic story structure, inspired by Wasted, one instance of self-harm, some of the chapters are.... pretty filthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:08:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 62
Words: 87,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21703498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvermax/pseuds/silvermax
Summary: "All hail Fire Lord Izumi!"A story about Izumi's life, really.
Relationships: Izumi/Kya II (Avatar), Izumi/Original Character(s), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Three Generations [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772935
Comments: 77
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this in around November 2018, in the form of Izumi's diary while she was in therapy. And then I wanted to post the material I had, and expand on the story.

Izumi was born in 109 AG, the year of the snake. She was born around the turn of the year, a time of new beginnings. How fortunate, then, that she came into the world at a time when the world was rebuilding, starting anew. Mai held the girl in her arms that day and regarded her, sweetly, the way a mother would. She had her father's amber eyes, but her mother's face.

Zuko sat by her side, holding her hand. "Here," said his wife weakly. "You can hold her."

He took the baby from her. Wow. He was now responsible for this little squishy bundle. The girl opened her mouth and reached for him. "Well, hello, there. I'm your father."

When he looked in her eyes, he saw a small glint. Not that he cared. He swallowed hard, remembering how his own father had threatened to take his life for his lack of a spark. _I will be a better father to this girl. Better than him._

The grandparents were waiting in the parlor. Zuko walked out with the baby, and now everyone wanted to know. Well? Was it a girl? A boy? He sat down next to his mother and said, "It's a girl."

Ursa took the baby from him and smiled. "Hi, there, pretty girl." Then she looked at her son. "What will you name her?"

"Izumi," he said. He didn't know how the idea came to him. Maybe it was how he and the girl's mother had met, and where they later reconnected. Or maybe it was just a pretty name. "At least, that's my idea. I need to run it by my wife."

The baby was passed around and fawned over, and Zuko beamed. He remembered the day Mai had come back from an appointment with the royal physician and told him she was pregnant. The joy that had flooded through him that afternoon was so intense he had no words. He just gasped and held her. The nine months that followed..... oh, they were just the beginning.

Mai approved of the name, laughing a little at the possible origin, and from then on, she was Princess Izumi. The new parents loved everything about their infant daughter. She was just a tiny little thing who needed them, like all infants. Zuko and his daughter grew particularly close. It wasn't uncommon for Mai to find the two lying on the bed, Izumi on his chest, both asleep.

She took her first steps across the parlor floor, awkward and toddling, her father waiting to catch her if she fell. But she made it all the way to him, and he covered her with kisses. "I'm so proud of you!"

She grew up, strong and determined, like her father. If she fell, she'd just get back up. Mai didn't know how she did it. They celebrated her first birthday, with all of the family and friends present. Even Azula couldn't help but smile as the girl stuffed her mouth with cake. 

At the party, when everyone else was distracted by Izumi, Zuko thought now would be a good time to speak with Azula. In the past several years, she'd gotten somewhat better. But he knew their father's death three years prior had been hard on her, even if Ozai's legacy wasn't the best. He'd hardly seen her since then. So he did that thing they did when they were young: drop a napkin so he'd have an excuse to talk under the table with her. She did the same.

"When was the last time we talked under the table?" she sighed.

"That time when I was seven and uncle Iroh came over for dinner and he and Dad started arguing?"

"Oh, right. That." She sighed. "As much as I hate to admit it, I sort of miss Dad."

He sighed. He hadn't known _how_ to feel about his death. "I guess I do, too, in a messed-up way."

"That's been his whole legacy, hasn't it? Messing things up." She wiped her eye with her sleeve. "He wanted to make us stronger, but...." She shook her head. "He destroyed us."

She was finally admitting it! She'd long ago acknowledged that she had a problem, but until now, she'd refused to implicate Ozai. The therapists from the two hospitals she'd been in reported that she'd become offended at even the suggestion that he may have played a role in her perception of herself and others. "He really did."

"And I just hate that it took me so long to realize it." She chuckled dryly. "I mean, the man was a monster! He did _that_ to you, for starters." She pointed to his scar, and he winced at the memory. "And.... he...... um....."

"What is it?"

She scratched the back of her neck. "I never told you this, but.... starting when I was five, he'd do these.... _things_ with me. Not rape, but close. He said he was teaching me to be a woman, but it was just...." She scowled and clenched her teeth. "His sick, twisted desires."

Just then, he remembered that afternoon in Ember Island when he and their mother were on the beach, waiting for the other half of the family to join them. Ursa had asked, "What is taking them so long?" Now, realizing what was probably happening at the time, he was horrified. "Azula, why didn't you tell me?"

"He told me it was just our little secret. And even after it stopped, I was... I guess I was ashamed. I didn't tell anyone about it until a year ago. A therapist." She started to cry. "For so long, I believed his lies!"

He put an arm around her. "Hey, I did, too. It's alright."

You know," she said, her voice softer. "Sometimes, I still go to his grave and put flowers on it. Fucking _flowers_."

"Well, he's our father. I can see why you want to."

"Right, but he was so, _so_ terrible."

"He was."

After sitting in silence for a bit, Azula sat up and wiped her eyes. "Well, in other news, I have a.... boyfriend, of sorts."

"That's great!" He knew she'd had some relationships, but he wasn't sure how many because she'd never told him. "Who is he?"

"Some man from outpatient. That's all _you_ need to know."

He laughed. "Alright, I won't ask you any more about him. But I'll meet him at some point, right?"

She shrugged. "Yes, I suppose."

He smiled. "See? We have new lives now. I have a daughter, you have this.... new guy."

"Yes."

"So we can move on. It'll be hard, but.... we have to move on." He scooted towards the end of the tablecloth. "Now come on. We've got a birthday to celebrate."

She smiled a little. "Alright."

So they came out from under the tablecloth and went back to enjoying the party.


	2. Chapter 2

Izumi had quite a few friends already. Bumi was born nearly two years before her. He was very robust and, much to his mother's annoyance, had a particular fondness for playing in mud. "You wait until your daughter's as old as he is," sighed Katara. "Before you can finish cleaning up after her, she'll be getting messy again." She patted her belly. "Let's hope this second one's a _little_ easier."

On her next visit, she came with a baby in her arms. Kya, after Katara's mother, a noble, kind woman. Katara was happy to report that she was quieter than Bumi had been.

By then, Izumi was almost two years old. She was very hyper, and that particular evening, she was running through the palace. Mai gritted her teeth and just hoped she didn't get hurt. The toddler barreled into Aang, and he just laughed. "Careful, sweetheart," said Zuko.

"It's like she's running on a motor," said Aang.

And that was how she got the nickname "Motor". It stuck, in part because it was just so accurate.

Azula had been visiting more recently. She seemed better, happier. Perhaps not "normal", but as close as she could get. But one day, when she was visiting, she fainted. After Zuko had put her on the couch, she woke up. "Are you alright?" asked Zuko.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. This happens a lot."

"Do you want to see a doctor about it?"

"No, I don't need to."

"Are you sure?"

She smiled a little and sat up. "Why, I don't think it could be any more obvious, Zuzu."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant. Three months."

When Izumi was two, her cousin was born. A girl, Rina. Ursa and Ikem pointed out that that was Ursa's mother's name. "Is that why you chose it?" asked Ikem.

Azula shrugged. "I just liked the name, that's all."

One day, when Rina was two, Zuko went to visit his sister and found her sitting on the floor of her living room, sobbing. He looked around at the room. A couple vases were broken. The nearest window had been smashed through. Ashes were on the floor, and the room was thick with smoke. Realizing she had had yet another breakdown, he went over to her. "Azula?"

She looked up at him, and, embarrassed by both her mental state and the state of the house, she babbled a quivering apology. "I'm sorry about this, Zuko, it's just that everything's been getting to me, and it's the anniversary of Father's death, too, and...."

He held her. "It's alright. It's alright."

"You should take Rina. Please. I can't do this right now."

"Alright, then, I will."

She sat up and wiped her eyes. "I'm checking myself in tomorrow."

He nodded. "Good choice."

That afternoon, he brought his little niece over and told Izumi, "This is your cousin. She's going to be staying with us."

She ran over to hug the girl, then asked, "Can we keep her, Daddy?"

He laughed nervously. "Maybe."

The children all grew up together. They chased each other around the palace courtyard, celebrated each other's birthdays. To Izumi, they were a fine replacement for siblings.

She proved to be a smart girl, teaching herself to read at age four. Her tutors noticed that she was very inquisitive and loved learning. Her favorite subject was history. By age six, she had a little routine going. She'd eat breakfast with her parents, then work with her tutors for a few hours. Afterwards, she'd eat lunch and roam around for a while. Her favorite place was the library. Sometimes, though, she'd encounter her father coming from a meeting and give him a big hug. "Hello, there, Turtleduck," he'd laugh, ruffling her hair.

At dinner, her father would ask her if she learned anything new that day. She'd always say she did, then recite what she learned. For example, one day, she learned the word "confiscate". After the meal, she'd spend some quality time with her parents for a while before going to bed. But most of the time, she'd have some trouble staying asleep. There were many occasions where she went to her parents' room at four in the morning and begged them to play with her. "Ugh, it's too early for this," Mai would groan.

Zuko would get up and carry the girl back to her room. "I know you want us to play with you, but it's very early in the morning. Mommy and Daddy need their sleep and so do you."

"But Daddy, I can't sleep," she'd whine.

The first few times this happened, he'd hold her in his lap and sing to her. But even after that, she still felt this overwhelming urge to _move_. Eventually, remembering his own issues with sleep when he was that young, he decided to run her a bath. That seemed to calm her down, but she still wouldn't sleep and would be tired the next morning. Finally, one night, he told her, "You can do whatever you want tonight, but don't come into our room. If you need anything, just yell for me, alright?"

"Alright," she responded.

As smart as this girl was, though, she still couldn't firebend, it seemed. When she saw that Rina was able to do it despite being younger than her, she got a bit jealous. "Daddy, why can't _I_ firebend?" she asked her father.

"I'm sure you'll be able to do it soon enough."

"But why not now?"

He swallowed hard, remembering his own delay and how his father had treated him for it. "Some people start later than others, honey. It's okay."

One day, when she was eight, she was playing tag with her friends in the courtyard. As Kya caught up with her, her bracelet snagged on her hair. "Ow!" shouted Izumi.

"I'm sorry, I just...." She tried to pull her hand away, but it only tugged at the hair.

"You're making it worse!" Just then, a blast of fire came out of her hand. Wait. _Fire_. She could firebend! She turned to her friends. "Did you see that?"

Kya and Bumi nodded. "We have to show your dad," said Bumi.

So they ran over to the living room, Izumi yelling rapidly, "You have to see this!"

"Calm down," said Zuko. "What is it you want to show me?"

"She's a firebender!" said Bumi. "Come on, show him what you did out there."

"Hmmm.... I don't remember how I did it." She tried to pool her energy into making that flame, then did what she'd seen her father practicing so many times. Another small blast of fire came out.

Zuko gasped. So she _could_ firebend! "Wow!"

She grinned. "I know, right?"

"Well," he said. "I suppose I ought to teach you some important skills."


	3. Chapter 3

Gradually, Izumi learned how to control her temper. When she discovered that she could shoot lightning, her father taught her to redirect it, as well. Her "grandpa" Iroh taught her the "fire breath" technique, and after some practice, she was quite good at it.

Overall, she lived a good life. Two loving parents, some friends, plenty of space to explore and play. She had an especially close relationship with her father. They'd go for walks out in the city some afternoons, wearing regular clothing to blend in with everyone else. She asked him about things she was afraid to ask other people about. When she was sick, he insisted on taking care of her. She appreciated how sweet he was to her, but she _didn't_ like the vile medicine he made her take. When he came home from business trips, he'd bring her gifts from the places he visited, as well as a bag of her favorite little rice candies.

By the time she was eleven, she was a very cultured, well-taught princess. Her favorite subject was history, because her country really did have a very rich past. Her parents made sure she learned the truth about what her nation had done to the rest of the world. One day, one of her words at the dinner table was "usurp". When her father asked her to use it in a sentence, she said, "Ozai _usurped_ the throne."

She was a good fighter, too. Ty Lee would give her lessons in acrobatics and chi blocking twice a week, and her mother taught her to throw knives. That combined with her growing firebending skills made her a force to be reckoned with.

Her aunt had been living in transitional housing for some years, having supervised visits with Rina on the weekends. But that year, she was granted full custody of her daughter. Izumi missed living with her cousin, but she knew they would still be close by so she could visit. And visit she did, nearly every weekend. They still played like they did when they were young, and they talked about their hopes for the future, their secrets. Azula was planning on sending her daughter to her alma mater, the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, and she was looking forward to going to a real school.

By this point in time, Azula had a new boyfriend, General Chen. Izumi couldn't really see how the two were together. He was so silly and jovial, and her aunt was so serious. She took a liking to this guy, though. He had learned more than a few magic tricks in his day, but his favorite was pulling out a piece of candy from behind the girls' ears. They got pretty close, and she could see him being her new uncle.

But one summer night, she was sleeping over at their house when she felt something snaking down her shirt. She woke up, and he had his hand down her shirt! She pulled his hand away. "Oh, you're being dramatic," laughed the man. "This won't hurt you."

"I'll tell my dad."

He waved at her to lower her voice. "Don't tell anyone. I'll find out."

"And what will you do?"

"Why, I'll kill your father with my bare hands." Then he left the room.

Frightened by both the threat and the severity of his voice, she rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. She looked at Rina, lying next to her under the light sheet. She'd been fast asleep this entire time! Staring at the ceiling, she thought about this whole incident. That wasn't him. No. That couldn't have been him who did it. It just... wasn't _like_ him.

The next time he put his hands on her, she was getting dressed. "My, what a lovely woman you're becoming," he said, tracing the length of her body with his hands.

 _Why is this happening to me?_ She felt a rising nausea with his words. It was as if he had sullied her flesh, with both his hands and his words. She tried to scrub this feeling off in the shower that night, but she couldn't be rid of it.

There were two more instances of this that weekend. And when she came home, she barricaded herself in the bathroom, taking yet another shower in hopes of scrubbing off that dirty feeling. But scrub as she did, she couldn't be rid of it. Frustrated, she started to cry. She contemplated telling her parents, but then she remembered his threat. _They can't know about this._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self-harm TW! Read at own risk.

In the days that followed, Izumi tried to block the whole thing out. She pretty much avoided visiting them now. And there were days when it felt safer to simply not leave the house. Seeing as she spent most of her time inside, her parents were starting to get worried about her. Her father tried to get her to go for walks with him, like they used to, but she kept refusing. She'd always say, "My stomach hurts" or "I'm not in the mood" or something like that.

She tried to move on, she really did. And it worked, somewhat. She found that distracting herself with lessons and books helped her to take her mind off of it. But the day before she turned twelve, she just felt so.... _frustrated_. She couldn't figure out why, but she felt hopeless, and the hopelessness just made her so _angry_. But at what, she didn't know. Without meaning to, she grabbed one of her knives and made several small, haphazard cuts on her arm.

It was only as the blood trickled down that she realized what she'd done to herself. She didn't have tissues in her room, so in order to get something for her arm, she would have to go across the hall to the nearest bathroom, but her father was speaking with some scary-looking adults just a few feet away, and she knew that the minute he saw this, he would panic. But then she tried to think. She'd spent so much time exploring the palace that she remembered where everything was. Just then, she got an idea. It was just the slightest bit outlandish, but perhaps it could work. She could climb out of her window, then down from the roof. Then, from there, she could creep around unnoticed until she found a window and slipped inside. So, wrapping her arm in an old shirt, she opened the window and climbed. 

Luckily, her bedroom wasn't very high up, and from her many nights of sneaking around, she'd gotten good at using the roof of each tier as a foothold. She was ground-level in no time. Now it was just a matter of sneaking around the back. She frantically searched around for a window when she heard a voice. "Izumi!"

She looked up. It was her grandmother, from an open window. "Hi, Grandma Ursa."

"What's the matter? What are you doing running around out here?"

"Um..... everything's fine!"

"No, it's _not_ fine, I can see blood. Now you stay where you are, I'm coming down there."

"Grandma, no, there's really...." She sighed, knowing it was futile. Once her grandmother had her mind set on something, she was going to do it.

When Ursa came down and saw the blood up close, she gasped. "Izumi.... what happened?"

"I... I scratched my arm on some thorns."

"Well, come inside. I can fix that."

So they went inside, and Ursa grabbed some turmeric powder to prepare a poultice. "Stops bleeding," she said.

Izumi couldn't help herself. She just started crying right there. Distressed at seeing her granddaughter in such a state, Ursa went over to her. "Oh, honey......"

She held the girl as she cried her heart out. Stroking her hair, she assured her, "It's alright, Izumi. You'll be alright."

When Zuko finally made his way downstairs, he saw his mother seated next to Izumi, who was holding a poultice on her arm. But then he saw that her eyes were red and puffy from crying. He had no inkling of what had just happened, but he knew it wasn't good.

He'd been worried about her for the past several months now. First, it was her refusal to do things she used to like, and now it was her seemingly chronic sadness. And to believe she used to be such a happy kid. He hugged his daughter without a word. _Poor girl. She must be in a lot of pain._

That night, he spoke with Mai about it. "I'm really worried about her and I don't know how to help her."

"Well, maybe she's depressed. It really does look like it."

"Yeah, but it was so.... _abrupt_. It's strange."

"Whatever it is, Zuko, we need to get her some help. Maybe a therapist?"

"Yeah, I think she needs a therapist or something."

The next week, she had her first therapy appointment. At first, she didn't want to say anything to him. "Is it okay if I don't really want to talk today?"

"Yes, of course."

So she just sat there that first session, staring at the floor. But as time went on, she started to talk more. It helped to have someone to talk to about her feelings. But she still felt she couldn't tell him about what happened to her. It wasn't even out of fear of that man killing her father anymore. It was just.... _shame._ The shame that always sets in after something like that happens. Although _why_ she felt ashamed of it, she didn't know.

On the surface, it did seem like she was improving. Even _she_ thought she was getting better. But all she'd learned to do was tuck away her pain until she couldn't feel it anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eating disorder discussion here- read with caution.

Her parents figured she just needed to have a normal summer, so, like every other year, the entire family took a trip out to Ember Island. A few weeks of sun, sand, and relaxation. They figured she'd get a much-needed break from her usual surroundings, and some quality time with her family. And she did. She had quite a bit of fun, going swimming, playing with friends and cousins. She almost didn't give a damn about the humidity.

On that trip, she started bleeding for the first time. After coming in from the beach one afternoon, she noticed there was something light red mixed in with the saltwater running down her leg. Upon finding the source of this, she knew exactly what was happening and got her mother. Thankfully, her mother was able to help her deal with it.

The princess resumed her studies eagerly and diligently. But, her parents thought, this homeschooling thing couldn't last forever. She was growing, after all. There was only so much the tutors could teach her. They both figured she ought to be in a real school. But the only question was: where? Zuko thought it would be sensible that she go to the Royal Fire Academy for Girls, seeing as she _was_ the princess, but Mai winced as she remembered what it was like at that school. The social cliques. The bullying. The immense, almost unrealistic expectations of the students. The proliferation of unhealthy behavior. She remembered the girls who didn't eat lunch, the girls who'd throw up in the bathroom. That one girl she found unconscious in seventh grade, slumped over a school toilet. No. She didn't want her daughter to be around that. " _Fuck_ no."

Eventually, they settled on a school in the hills, just north of the Harbor City. It was co-educational, had a good reputation, and thankfully, there didn't seem to be a toxic culture. So, on Izumi's birthday, after the party, they decided to break the news to her. 

Izumi was just sitting in her room that afternoon when her parents came in and asked to talk to her. "Yes? What is it?"

"Well, your mother and I thought it would be a good idea if we enrolled you in school," said Zuko.

 _A real school_ _!_ "School? Why? What can I do there that I can't do here?"

"You'll make new friends. You'll be in the outside world more, and I really think it'll be good for you. And besides, one day, you'll be in charge of this country. You ought to get to know your people."

She thought about it for a while. It _did_ sound like a good idea. "So.... is it the Royal Fire Academy or.....?"

" _No_ ," answered Mai. "I talked your father out of that one."

"Well, when do I start?"

"In seven months, when the year starts. Don't worry. You have plenty of time to just be at home."

In the following months, she found herself wondering what school would be like. She asked Rina what it was like at her school, and she said, "Homework, asshole teachers, and gym class. That's all you need to know."

Well, _that_ didn't sound too great. But still, she was hopeful that it would be good. And she started school, still hopeful. That first day went well, actually. She made a couple friends, Emi and Bai. There was one moment, though, in history class when something seemed off. Her teacher was having the class take notes while she lectured, and at one point, she said that the purpose of the colonies was to spread "Fire Nation culture and values".

The girl raised her hand, knowing this was incorrect. "Actually, the purpose was to gain more territory."

The teacher looked down her nose at Izumi, and she gulped. "Where did you get this information?"

"My.... father, ma'am."

"Well, your _father_ can't possibly know more than the textbook."

When she told her parents about school that evening, she mentioned this, and her father smiled and said, "You told the truth. I taught you well."

Izumi beamed. Then he told her, "I'll speak with your principal about this. But just be careful where you say that kind of thing. Some people in this country still haven't gotten over the Hundred Years' War."

About a month later, the "popular" girls started inviting her to hang out with them. Maybe they wanted the clout of being friends with _the_ princess Izumi, or maybe they actually thought she was cool. But either way, she joined their group. At first, popularity was great. It was like being queen. But the girls, Aiko and Li, soon proved to be vicious, talking bad about people behind their backs. They called one girl a slut just because she wore a lot of makeup, and after one of their classmates stuttered during oral exams for literature, they made fun of him, imitating his stutter. And at times, they were just blatantly disrespectful. When they went out to eat, for example, the two would get a waiter's attention by snapping their fingers instead of saying "Excuse me." And when they went shopping, if they didn't like an item, they'd throw it back down.

This upset Izumi, because she'd always been taught to respect others no matter their status. She tried telling them not to be so damn _rude_ all the time, but they just laughed. "We're just having a little _fun_ ," said Aiko once after Izumi called them out for pinning a price tag with the words "low-class whore" on another girl's bag. "It's just a joke."

At her birthday party that year, in order to spice things up, she told her invitees that they could bring a guest if they wanted. So Aiko brought one of the boys from their class, Jun. After the usual festivities and games, Aiko suggested a game of Truth or Dare, and most of the guests thought it would be fun. So once outside, they played. At first, the questions were innocent enough. Then when it was Li's turn, she dared Jun to kiss Izumi! She blushed. She hadn't been particularly interested in boys, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to do this. " _What_?" she shouted.

"Come on! You've never kissed anybody before. It'll be _fun_ ," said Aiko.

Izumi kept refusing, and the girls kept pestering her. Finally, annoyed, she rolled her eyes and said, "Alright, _fine_."

And she had her first kiss at that party. It was nothing special, really. Actually, it was quite slimy. Disgusted, she pulled away. "Can we.... just agree not to talk about this?" Everyone nodded.

When school let out for summer, she was honestly just relieved she wouldn't have to see these people for a while. Ember Island's calming properties, as well as her great-uncle's wisdom, were quite healing, as well. She spent a week in Republic City because her father was attending to some important business over there, and once, he let her sit in on a meeting. She found it a little boring, but figured it was worth it to learn about foreign policy. But most of the time she was there, she hung out with Kya and Bumi, exploring the city. Sometimes, their brother Tenzin would tag along. Or she played with Toph's three-year-old daughter, Lin. She was a cute kid, and very serious, too.

She also visited her uncle Tom-Tom and his kids. Because he was much younger than her mother, his kids were pretty young, too. A girl, Eriko, who was just three, and a boy, Jing, who was one. Izumi loved babies, so she enjoyed playing with them.

However, as carefree as her summer may have been, she still felt this growing self-consciousness. She'd felt it ever since she was eleven, but now it was getting worse. When the pictures of her in a bathing suit came back, she couldn't help but think, _I look like a_ _hippo-cow._ Her growing body just felt so _disgusting_ to her.

When she got back to school, she was much calmer. There was a new girl at school, Hana. When she introduced herself to the class, Izumi realized she recognized her surname. Chang. One of her father's advisors was named Chang. So she asked Hana if she was any relation to him, and she replied that he was her grandfather. Because of her high status, Aiko and Li immediately initiated _her_ into their group, as well.

However, being around Aiko and Li certainly didn't help her self-esteem issues. The two talked almost incessantly about dieting and how other people's bodies looked. One day, Aiko randomly asked Izumi how much she weighed. She told her, and Aiko's response was, "Hm. Perhaps you need to watch what you eat."

At first, she thought, _Whatever. She doesn't know what she's talking about._ But after a while, that little comment started to weigh on her. Whenever she ate, she felt like she was doing something she shouldn't have been. One night at dinner, she pushed her plate away after eating only some of her food. "What's wrong, Izumi?" asked Mai.

"My stomach hurts."

"Well, do you want to lie down?"

"No, I'll be fine."

Soon, this became a habit. Over time, she got better at concealing it from her parents. And eventually, she stopped eating lunch altogether. She liked this new thing, actually. Even when she couldn't control anything else, she could control what went into her body. The symptoms were noticeable. She was cold, tired, draggy. Sometimes, she'd have random dizzy spells. Once, during an acrobatics lesson with Ty Lee, she was doing a tumbling pass and her legs gave out. "We should stop for today. You're clearly exhausted," said Ty Lee.

"No, I just messed up. I can try again."

She sighed. "You've been messing up this whole time. This combination used to be easy for you." After a bit, she said, "Which is it? Not eating enough, or stuffing yourself and then puking?"

 _Should I tell her?_ thought Izumi.

"What, you thought I couldn't guess? You look like hell. I've seen lots of girls do it, especially around your age. Look, I did it, too! I know what it's like. So tell me. What's the problem?"

Wow. So someone _else_ had felt the way she did right now? She sighed. Even if Ty Lee understood what it was like, she couldn't tell her. "I'm fine, really. Now I'm just going to try that again."

A few weeks later, she was watching a play with her friends. The three of them had bought snacks, but she couldn't bring herself to eat anything, no matter _how_ hungry she was. But she couldn't help staring at Hana while she ate. The other girl saw her looking and said, "If you want some food, you can get some."

"No, no, I'm not hungry." This was an obvious lie.

"Oh, come on, you haven't eaten in the three hours we've been out. Why don't you get some food?"

So, reluctantly, she bought some fire flakes, her favorite snack. But after eating them, once again, she felt like she'd done something she shouldn't have. As time went on, that guilt got worse. At the intermission, she went to the bathroom. She knew that if you could put it in, you could take it out, but she just didn't know how to throw up on cue. Just then, she remembered what happened that time she accidentally stuck a spoon down her throat when she was little.

The whole process hurt, but she promised herself it would be worth it. Still, afterwards, her throat burning, she thought, _What have I done_? She sat on the bathroom floor, crying. _I am_ never _doing that again._

That night, her parents went out, leaving her in the care of her nanny, Zhu, for the night. But because she was fourteen and pretty self-sufficient, she told Zhu she didn't need anything. The woman agreed, but still insisted on leaving some food out for her. So she set the plate of food in front of her and tried to eat it, but she found that she couldn't bring herself to. As if on an impulse, she threw it out.

Her parents, worried about their daughter's sudden strange behavior surrounding eating, tried to ask her what the issue was. But she would always tell them she was fine, there was nothing wrong with her. Zuko was still a little uneasy, but he figured she was growing older and just needed her space. Still, for the past three years now, his little girl had been hopeless and sad, and it hurt him. She'd been better the previous year, but.... what the hell had happened?

One day, Ty Lee approached them with her concerns. "Izumi looks ill. I'm worried she hasn't been eating enough."

"Yeah, I'm worried, too," said Mai. She remembered her friend's issues with eating, how sick she was all those years ago, and gulped. Could Izumi be going through the same thing?

"I don't know if it's true, I'm not getting anything out of her, but either way, it's really upsetting. I think I'll have to stop giving her lessons until she gets better." She got up and sighed. "Honestly, I think you both should talk to her. I wish _my_ parents had done that with me. This matter isn't something to be taken lightly."

So, a couple days later, they sat her down and spoke with her. This time, they decided to address their worries about her more directly. Mai started the conversation. "Your father and I are worried because you haven't been eating much lately."

Izumi rolled her eyes. "I've told you multiple times. I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

"Well, we just want to help. How are you feeling these days?"

She sighed. "Kind of stressed, I guess? You know, with school and everything?"

They both nodded, but Mai didn't think this was all of it. "Is there anything else?"

"I just..... I don't know. Sometimes, I feel...." What was the word she was looking for? "......gross?"

"Like when you eat?"

"Yeah."

"Have you been talking to your therapist about it?"

"Y-yeah," she lied.

Zuko looked at his daughter. She certainly didn't look healthy. In fact, she looked very pale. He figured he should just say it. "I.... right now, I don't think you look healthy."

"What do you mean?"

"You're pale, first off. You've got dark circles under your eyes. Overall, I think you look sick."

"Well, I'm not _sick_."

He sighed. This clearly wasn't going anywhere. "Look, Ty Lee is thinking of cancelling your lessons."

She gasped. " _What_?"

He nodded. "She told us."

"Why?"

"Honestly.... it's because she's worried about you. Like we are. She wants you to get better."

She thought about that for the rest of the night. _Oh no._ People were noticing now. She crept out of bed that night and grabbed a bag of chocolates from the kitchen. Then, without thinking about it, she ate them. One after another. When the bag was half-empty, she looked at it and started to cry. This feeling of utter disgust flooded through her, and she frantically put the bag back where she'd found it.

And that's how she knew this was beyond her control.


	6. Chapter 6

She went on like this, binging and restricting. There were some periods that were better than others, particularly the summer months.

She actually had a pretty good summer. Her aunt got married, to a man she'd known for two years. His name was Renzo, and they'd met in a support group. Izumi thought he was alright, but, being shy around non-family men, she didn't really talk to him much. The wedding was a joyous occasion for all involved, and Zuko thought he saw a genuine smile on his sister's face as her new husband kissed her cheek.

But still, even on the "good" days, there would be moments where she'd still feel that indescribable dirty feeling.

When she was fifteen, Izumi had her first drink. It was at a party that Aiko was hosting. She had her try some of the punch, and the princess, not knowing what was in it, puckered at the taste. Aiko, seeing her face, grinned and said, "I spiked it."

She had nothing to say to this. _Oh, wow, I just_ _drank!_ "....wow."

"Well? Are you going to drink the rest of it or not?"

Li giggled behind her hand. "She's scared!"

The girls both pestered her about it until finally, she said, "Scared, huh? Watch me chug this whole thing!"

So Izumi chugged the drink, the alcohol giving her a strange numb feeling in her throat. Feeling relaxed, she went out to the living room, where she saw Bai. He was a sweet, sort of awkward boy with round glasses. They hadn't seen much of each other in a while. "Hey!" she shouted.

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while! How are you?"

" _Good_." She elongated the vowels.

"Well, do you want to dance?"

She shrugged. "Alright."

So they danced together, and as they danced, he asked her, "So what was all the commotion about?"

"I... had my first drink in there. And I didn't like it at first, but then Aiko and Li pestered me into drinking the rest. So I chugged the whole thing."

"Well, that's a _milestone_!" he laughed. "First drink! And you'll have a _story_ to go with it!"

A bit later, a slow song came on. Bai scratched the back of his neck. "Well, um.... this is a slow one, so.... do you want to dance?"

She'd danced with a boy before, at Azula's wedding, so it was no big deal. But just as she was about to accept, Aiko, Li, and a few others went up to her. " _There_ you are!" said Aiko. "We were going to go outside and play Truth or Dare. Do you want to come with us?"

"Um, well, I can't...."

"Come on! It'll be _fun_! Let's go!"

So, reluctantly, she went with them. Then some other party-goers, probably hoping to get some juicy details from this game, joined them. The game, which was played around an artificial lake in Aiko's backyard, started out innocent. Well, as innocent as you can get in a group of fifteen-year-olds. The dares were things like "run from here to the next house and do the 'knock-knock ditch'" or "dunk your head into the water". Then things got a little more risque. Li dared a male classmate to hump the ground. Once this classmate got up, embarrassed and annoyed, he dared one of his friends to tell a girl he liked that he wanted to.... well, I'll give you a hint: it rhymes with "sucker".

Then at one point, it was Hana's turn to "truth-or-dare" someone. So she asked Jun, "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he said nonchalantly. "I've got nothing to hide."

"So," said Hana. "Do you remember when you and Izumi kissed?"

 _How did she know about that_? "Hold on _one_ second," Izumi interrupted. "Hana, you weren't even there. How the fuck do you know about this?"

The other girl shrugged. "Everybody _knows._ I mean, that's what _I_ thought."

Her face began to grow warm. _Oh, sweet Agni._ Then she got up and left. "I.... think I'm going to be sick."

When she went back inside, she went into the bathroom. She felt queasy, but she didn't throw up. Just then, she heard footsteps, and looked up to see Hana. Oh, no. "Please, I've had enough for tonight."

"Well, I don't want to bother you or anything."

"You're not bothering me. For now."

So Hana came in. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't know that was a sensitive subject for you."

"Well, I mean, I just wanted people _not_ to talk about it, and somebody fucking _told_!"

"I'll bet it was Aiko."

 _Oh_ , no. "Wait..."

"You shouldn't trust her with secrets." Then she proceeded to explain that Aiko and Li had been making fun of her behind her back. The things they said included, but were not limited to, calling her a blind bitch, making fun of the way she bounced her foot when she was nervous, saying she was an ugly tomboy and would die alone, and saying she was probably a lesbian.

 _Wow_. Izumi had realized only recently that she had a crush on Kya, and she'd been so scared of people finding out. She knew that while her father and his legislators had decriminalized homosexuality long ago, her country was still slow to accept change, and kids at her school, in particular, made fun of students they suspected might be gay. Bai had been a target of this harassment for a while. What did this mean for her? "Wow. Just.... _wow_."

"I'm really sorry. I should have told you this earlier, but I just...."

She nodded. She knew how it was. She'd let those girls deceive her for quite some time. "It's okay. Thank you for telling me."

"But about the lesbian thing. Is that.... is that true?"

Izumi hesitated. Should she tell her? "Well.... if you won't tell anyone else...."

"I won't. I promise."

"Well, I don't really know yet, to be honest."

She walked back outside, boiling mad. "Aiko!"

Aiko stood up. "What is it?"

"I can't believe you told everyone about that!"

"Well, it was your first kiss! I thought it was worth talking about!"

Izumi scowled. She was pretty sure this was a lie. Just then, she remembered a lesson from Ty Lee about pressure points, and immediately spotted three places on Aiko that would literally kill her if she hit. But, self-restraint, self-restraint.

Before she could think, Aiko swiped her glasses off of her face and threw them. "Quick, find your glasses!"

Izumi had been wearing glasses since she was eight years old, after she fell out of a window and damaged something in her eye. Without them, she couldn't see _anything_. Everything was just blurry. So she stumbled around, nearly blind, and all the while, she could hear the other kids laughing. Finally, Hana handed her her glasses, and she put them back on. After thanking her, she turned to the rest of the group and said, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I'm going home."

So she left, still feeling a bit of a buzz from the punch. Once she arrived in the palace, she checked the clock in the hallway. Oh, no. It was one in the morning! She'd never been out that late before! Oh, well. Maybe she could sneak past her parents and act like she'd been home for longer. But as she went past their room, they got up to see what the commotion was about. "Well, _you_ _'re_ home late," said Mai.

"Sorry, I lost track of time."

Zuko rubbed his eyes. "Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do?"

"We danced, and then we played a round of Truth or Dare." She raised her hand to scratch the back of her head, and Mai saw that there were scratches on her arms and gasped.

Wait a minute, her breath.... it smelled vaguely like alcohol. "I can smell your breath. Were you drinking?"

Izumi sighed. "Look, Mom, I'd love to talk more, but I'm really exhausted and I feel gross. Good night."

So she showered, changed into her pajamas, and went to sleep.

Meanwhile, her parents spoke for a while. "Those scratches on her arms....I'm a little worried, Zuko. What if she got really hurt?"

Oh. He hadn't considered that. "Well, maybe she fell or something."

"Hmmm.... I don't know. Those didn't look like they came from a fall. And what's more, she was definitely drinking at that party." She sighed. "I can't believe it. She had her first drink, and we didn't even talk to her about drinking."

He nodded. He knew alcoholism ran in both of their families. Throughout his childhood, his father got drunk a lot, and his mother would always become nervous whenever he was drunk. By the time he was thirteen, Ozai was getting drunk almost every night at dinner. Azula had told him she'd often make excuses for his drunken behavior at official occasions. His withdrawals in prison were so severe that the guards had had to give him alcohol so he didn't die in their custody. Azulon- well, he was the definition of a functioning alcoholic after his wife died. Hiding his problem from the public and his family, even as it got progressively worse. Mai's father, meanwhile, had died when Izumi was still a baby, from alcoholic liver disease. Until then, she hadn't even known he had a drinking problem.

He sighed. "I can talk to her."

"Alright, then." She smiled a little. "She's growing up. I can't believe it."

"Yeah."

"Remember when _we_ were that young? Getting out there and sampling what the world had to offer?"

"Ah, yes." He smiled at a memory of them sneaking their first drinks at her house. "All that feels like so long ago."

The next morning, when their daughter woke up, Zuko went into her room to talk to her. She sat up in her bed. "What is it, Dad?"

He couldn't help but smile. She just seemed so sweet and innocent that he could hardly believe she was growing up. "Well," he said, sitting on her bed. "First of all, your mother was a little upset when she saw those scratches on your arms."

"What scratches?" Then she looked at her arms, and sure enough, there were several red scratches. "I didn't even know those were there. I must have scratched them on the thorns when I was looking for my glasses."

"And I guess that brings me to my next question. What happened at that party?"

So she explained, but when she got to the part about her drinking, he stopped her and said, "That's what your mother and I wanted to talk to you about."

She rolled her eyes. "I already know what you're going to say."

"Alright, then, what will I say?"

Clearing her throat, she did her best impression of her father. "Don't drink, Izumi. It's bad for your health."

He laughed. "Well, it's not a bad impression." Scooting closer to her, he said, "But seriously, though, alcoholism runs in our family. There's a reason your grandfather on your mother's side died so early."

"Yeah, I know. I only had one drink, though."

"That's good. Moderation is important. Now don't get me wrong, it's perfectly healthy and normal to want to experiment with alcohol at your age. But just be careful."

Then she went on to explain the rest. "Oh, by the way, Aiko and Li can _not_ be trusted with secrets."

Mai had noticed something was up with those girls almost immediately, but Zuko hadn't paid it any mind because their daughter seemed to like them. "Why?"

So, with some reluctance, she ended up telling her father about her first kiss. Upon hearing this, he gasped. _Stay cool,_ he reminded himself. "You had your first _kiss_? Why didn't you tell me?"

A blush appeared on her cheeks. "It wasn't special. And I kind of wanted to forget about it." She shook the memory of Jun's slimy tongue out of her head. "Anyways, back to the story. Hana asked him about it when we were playing Truth or Dare, and I stopped her and asked how she _knew_ about that because she wasn't even _there_ , and she just said, 'Everybody _knows._ I mean, that's what _I_ thought.' And I just went off somewhere to process all this, because _wow_. Then she came up to me and said that Aiko and Li were saying all _sorts_ of shit behind my back."

She recounted the things they said about her, and he felt this _anger_ for some reason. Anger for his daughter. She was such a sweet girl. Why would they make fun of her like that? "That is truly _awful_. I'm so sorry, honey."

"Oh, that's not all, Dad." Then she told him how Aiko had thrown her glasses out of reach. Now he was _really_ angry.

"Why are you still friends with them? They clearly don't care about you."

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to be accepted. But you _know_ I don't tolerate liars, so that won't be for very long."

" _That's_ the spirit!" he laughed. "Now when you go to school and see them, _tell_ them. Make sure they know you're not having it."

They sat in silence for a while, then he held her to him. She looked healthier than a year ago, he noticed, but she was still pretty thin..... "Hey," he whispered. "I'm glad we're able to talk about these things."

"I am, too, Dad."

"Just know that if you need anything, you can always come to me. Okay?"

"Okay."

A couple days later, he and Mai got called to the school. Zuko had an idea of what it was about, but Mai didn't. What could their daughter possibly have done?

In the headmaster's office, Izumi was sitting, looking at the floor. "Oh! Your Majesty." He made a small bow to them. "Please, sit down."

So they sat down, and he sighed and proceeded to explain what had happened. "I am sorry to say, but at lunch today, your daughter got into a verbal altercation with Aiko and Li, which eventually turned physical, and.... there was quite a bit of punching, kicking, scratching, and then your daughter chi-blocked Aiko. And she swore. A lot. _I_ _ncluding_ some obscenities I hadn't heard before. And that's saying something, considering that my father was a sailor."

"Oh, that's very serious, indeed," said Mai.

"Yes, _very_ ," said Zuko. He turned to his daughter and winked at her. "I can assure you she will be in quite a bit of trouble."

On the way home, he talked to her. "I'm glad you decided to stand up for yourself."

She shrugged. "I guess I was just.... sick of it."

He nodded. "Well, good on you for defending yourself. But.... perhaps don't attack people at school."

She reddened. "That was foolish of me. I'm sorry."

He rubbed her shoulders. "It's alright. Just remember what I said about controlling your anger. Ball it up, and then let it pass, like a cloud."

She took a deep breath. Already, she felt much calmer. "Thanks for not yelling at me."

"No problem, sweetheart." He sighed. "No problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, my headcanon is that in the Fire Nation, sixteen is when you can purchase alcohol, but you can drink earlier with supervision.


	7. Chapter 7

Over the next year, Izumi spent quite a bit of time thinking about Kya. She realized she quite liked her, but she wasn't sure if she liked her back. Should she tell her? And more importantly, should she tell her parents about her sexuality?

One day, she asked her father, "Is it normal for girls to have crushes on girls?"

He found the nature of the question a bit peculiar for some reason. "Yes, there are some girls who do, just like there are boys who have crushes on boys. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, um...." she chuckled nervously. "Just curious."

As she walked off, he smiled in her direction. She hadn't really shown a particular interest in boys, other than that first kiss. There _was_ the possibility that she liked women. Not that he cared that much. After all, when he was twelve, he had feelings for a boy at school. He remembered how scared he was upon realizing it, how he felt broken and freaky. Maybe Izumi had been asking because she wanted to make sure _she_ wasn't broken and freaky. _Well, of_ course _I don't think she's broken and freaky._

Izumi turned sixteen. An age of immense responsibility. As far as the law was concerned, she was pretty much an adult. But she didn't _feel_ like one. Overall, she just didn't feel quite ready to grow up. Her parents told her that they would support her if need be, and that they knew she could handle herself.

Finally, one day, she decided she had to do something about her feelings for Kya, and fast. There was an advice column in the local newspaper called "Ask On Ji", and she wrote a letter, asking for advice. "I'm a girl. I have a crush on another girl, a friend of mine. I've never dated and would like to start, but I can't bring myself to tell her. Do you have any suggestions?"

And three weeks later, she opened up the paper to find her question and the following answer: "Talk to her! Tell her how you feel. You could start with, 'Hey, I have something important to tell you, and I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship.' And then once you tell her, you could say, 'It's okay if you don't feel the same way.' This is simply a suggestion. You don't have to say _exactly_ this. But my point is, you'll regret it if you don't take this chance."

Hmmm. Sound advice. So a few months later, when she and her family went to visit Kya's family for the new year, she decided to tell her. When the adults had left the room, she inched closer to her and said, "Kya, I.... I have something important to tell you. I just hope it doesn't ruin our friendship."

"Okay, what is it?"

"I....." She blushed. "I like you. And I have for about a year."

Kya smiled. "Yeah, I figured."

"Oh! You _did_?"

"Yeah." She laughed.

"Well, do you like me back?"

"Does this answer your question?" And just then, she gave her a kiss. Not on the mouth, but right behind her ear.

That evening, Izumi walked outside into the cool night air with a big smile on her face. Her mother asked why she was so happy, and she simply answered, "Isn't it lovely out here?"

Mai laughed and shook her head. She didn't know what it was, but she figured something _else_ was making her that happy. Whatever. She liked seeing her daughter like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one of my headcanons is that sixteen is the age of legal responsibility (e.g. your parents can't force you to do stuff, you can leave the country by yourself without parents' permission, you get tried as an adult, etc.), but until you're eighteen, you still have to go to school.


	8. Chapter 8

Time passed. Both girls were pretty happy about their burgeoning relationship. They kissed, held hands. Izumi particularly enjoyed her first time kissing a girl. Their first real date was to a theater in Republic City. Izumi loved theater, a passion inherited from her grandmother. That afternoon, she decided to say what she'd been thinking in the time they'd been out. "I don't think I'm ready to tell my parents about us yet." For some reason, the idea still made her a bit uneasy.

Kya nodded. "I know. And you don't have to if you don't want to." She smiled her that sweet, disarming smile of hers. "But for now, let's just enjoy this."

And enjoy it they did. When the play was over, they took a walk around the area, looking in shop windows. At one point, they decided to sit on a nearby bench. For the longest time, they sat there, arms around each other, not saying anything, not _needing_ to.

When the princess returned home, they exchanged heartfelt, albeit saccharine, letters. Meanwhile, while they were in Republic City, Zuko had noticed his daughter was very..... _pleasant._ Like a very specific type of happy. He couldn't describe what it was, though. But one day, he was passing by Aang's living room when he saw the two girls sitting close together on the couch. Just then, Izumi leaned towards Kya, and they kissed. Simultaneously embarrassed and happy for his daughter, he just kept walking.

So, at home, he decided to ask her about it. "So how's your _girlfriend_?" he said teasingly at dinner one night.

Izumi blushed a little. _He knows?!_ " _Girlfriend_? What?"

"Come on, you know who I'm talking about. Kya? How's she doing?"

She chuckled nervously. "Good, good. But how did you know we were....."

He shrugged. "I saw you two kiss the last time we visited."

Once again, she turned bright red. " _Dad_....."

He laughed a little. "It's okay. Most everybody does it."

  
One day, her mother came into her room to discuss something with her. "What is it, Mom?"

"Well, I was meaning to ask you something, considering you and Kya are.... together."

Hmm..... what was she going to ask? "Yes?"

She dropped her voice to a whisper. "Are you two sleeping together?"

The idea made her blush. "Sweet Agni," she groaned.

"Oh, he won't help you with this, honey. Are you using protection?"

She rolled her eyes. "Mom, we're not having sex. And even if we were, it's not like I'll get pregnant."

"Yes, but you can still get.... _venereal_ diseases from having sex with a woman. If you're having sex, we need to talk about...."

Not wanting to continue this conversation, Izumi said, very bluntly, "We're. Not. Having. Sex."

Mai laughed. "Not _yet_."

" _Mom_. Can we not have this conversation?"

"Okay." She threw up her hands in mock protest. "Just want to make sure you're being safe, that's all."

* * *

Unfortunately, like most good things, their relationship did not last. It was the fall of Izumi's seventeenth year and Kya's sixteenth that the latter, after much deliberation, decided to break it off. So, over the telephone (both girls' families had just recently gotten the device), she told her, "I'm sorry, Izumi, but I think we're better off as friends." She sighed. "It was nice, though."

"Yeah," said the princess weakly. "It was nice."

It was her final year of school. The pressure was on her now, more than ever. Gymnastics practice at school often ran late, to the point where she felt like she didn't have time to do her work. She was applying to university, doing the almost impossible amount of homework her teachers assigned her, often skipping dinner to do so. Because of all this, she felt fragile. Everything hurt and it hurt too deeply. That phone call felt like too much. That evening, she cried in her room, feeling like she couldn't stop.

Later, when she'd finally stopped bawling, she crept out of her room. It was late, so she guessed that by this point, her parents were asleep. Not knowing what came over her, she went to the kitchen and ate. Leftovers from dinner, chocolates, tarts, just whatever she could get her hands on. It was almost a mechanical motion: hand to mouth, hand to mouth. It scared her, actually. It felt like she just couldn't stop.

Feeling bloated and sick, she went back upstairs and back to her room. Still, she was just so uncomfortably full that it kept her awake. She had to do _something_ about it. So, in the bathroom, she did what she'd promised herself she wouldn't do three years before.

In all honesty, she felt pretty neutral about what she'd just done. She'd promised she wouldn't do it again, but it didn't even hurt this time. And besides, now, she felt..... empty. Calm.

Over time, she kept doing it. She took pride in her ability to hide her habit from those around her. But after a while, her parents began to suspect that something was amiss once again. Large amounts of food kept going missing. She always smelled of mint, and the bathroom always smelled of perfume. She looked tired and draggy, but they attributed it to the stress she was under. Her eyes were red, presumably from crying. One night, she wasn't eating her dinner, and Mai, fearing that she was starving herself once again (as if she'd ever stopped), decided to ask what the issue was. "Why aren't you eating?"

"My throat's bothering me. It kind of hurts to swallow."

Come to think of it, Izumi's throat _did_ look somewhat swollen. "Here, let me feel your forehead." She went over to her daughter and felt her forehead.

"Mom, I'm fine, really. There's no need to do that."

Surprisingly, she had no fever. _Strange_ , she thought. "Well, if it doesn't go away by tomorrow morning, we're going to the doctor."

 _Damn it._ Izumi wasn't completely sure what was causing her sore throat, but she could guess, and she was pretty sure it was no virus. Surely, this doctor would figure that out. "Mom, I don't think that'll be necessary......"

"Yes, it is. Your throat's swollen and sore and we don't know what's causing it. The sensible thing to do would be to visit the doctor, yes?"

"Yeah, I guess."

So, the next day, she missed her first class at school for the appointment. _The jig is up,_ she thought. _They're surely going to find out now._ As she sat in the freezing doctor's office, she just hoped he wouldn't suspect anything.

He prodded her throat, asking where it hurt. Then he stuck a light down there. "Hmmm....." he murmured. "There's some swelling here, but no sign of infection." Just to make sure, though, he swabbed the back of her throat to take a sample.

Then he noticed the slight swelling in her jaw and patted it. "Does that hurt, by any chance?"

"No."

He wrote something down, then went out to speak to her parents. Her heart pounded. What would he say to them?

The doctor walked outside and, looking at his notes, sighed. "She doesn't _appear_ to have an infection, but I took a sample from her throat for testing, just in case. And to help with the pain, I recommend you give her these pills." He held up a vial of orange lozenges.

"Well, if there's no infection, then what's causing her sore throat?" asked Zuko.

"I'm not entirely sure. But I was meaning to ask you something. Has she been throwing up a lot lately?"

He tried to think. "No, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

"Not only is her throat sore, but there's also some swelling at her jaw, which indicates irritation." The doctor scratched the back of his neck. "So if she's had the flu recently....."

Just then, Mai briefly considered another, much more unpleasant possibility, but then brushed it off. _I'd know if she was doing_ _that._

When they got back from that doctor's visit, Izumi breathed a sigh of relief. Her parents didn't suspect anything.

Unfortunately, her secret _did_ get out, just not to her parents. She was at her aunt's house, purging into a sink in the bathroom. She knew it probably wasn't a good idea to do that while people were home, but she just couldn't help herself. It was as if she'd been propelled by a motor. She was so preoccupied with what she was doing that she didn't notice the door turning and her cousin walking in. "Izumi! Stop it!"

Scared, she looked up and saw Rina. "H-how much did you see?"

"Enough." The younger girl looked at the floor. _What should I do?_ She knew people at school who did that, but her _cousin_...."I...."

"Please don't tell anyone."

She sighed. "I won't. I promise." She swallowed hard. "But.... can you stop?"

 _I don't know,_ thought Izumi. _Can I?_ "Yeah, yeah, of course I can. I was just... trying it."

Rina wanted to believe her cousin, but the way she answered made her uneasy for some reason. "O-okay. But just.... come out of here. Please?"

"Okay." So after cleaning up, she walked out of the bathroom like everything was fine. But it wasn't, and she knew it.


	9. Chapter 9

Around this time, Izumi was starting to hear back from the universities she'd applied to. She hoped to major in political science, go to law school, and hopefully become the Fire Nation representative in Republic City. She'd applied to a prestigious university not far from where she lived, the university in Ba Sing Se, and a fairly new university in Republic City. She'd been accepted into the one in the capital and the one in Republic City. (As for Ba Sing Se, she'd been waitlisted.)

She talked it over with her parents one evening. "Well, where would you rather live?" asked Zuko.

"Hmmmm....." She thought for a bit, then said, "I like it here, but.... I think I like the weather in Republic City a little better. And besides, there's so many exciting things to do over there!" She smiled. "I think I know where I want to go."

"Alright, then. That settles it."

As her life was starting to become less stressful, she was binging and purging less, but sometimes, if she had to purge in public, she'd have Rina cover for her. Rina always felt uneasy whenever Izumi purged, and as time went on, it began to occur to her that perhaps she was helping her cousin hurt herself. And she'd wonder why she agreed to do this for her. But still, she never said anything.

Izumi celebrated her eighteenth birthday with her friends, spending a night out in the city. For just a few hours, she felt light, happy, carefree. She enjoyed herself. But when she got back home, she flopped down on her bed and sighed. And she asked herself, _Am I really happy? Will I ever be happy?_

She graduated in late spring. Her entire family came to the graduation. Her father sat there with a smile he just couldn't contain. _My little girl's graduating!_ He couldn't believe it. He remembered the little girl she once was, and realized what a smart, strong, accomplished young woman she'd become.

As she stepped off the stage, Kiyi, who'd arrived that morning, gave her a big hug. Then, when they parted, she said, "Enjoy college. It could be the best four years of your life if you make the most of it."

That night, there was a special dinner in her honor. Zuko made a toast. "To Izumi, who graduated today and will go on to achieve all sorts of greatness!"

Cheers and clinking glasses. Ikem patted her on the back and said, "You've worked hard, and it's paid off!"

She nodded. All those years of hard work certainly _had_ paid off. She was going to college, and a very good one, at that. For now, she could sit back and relax. Just then, she remembered. Emi had invited her to a graduation party at her house. "I can't stay for very long. I have a party to go to."

Zuko couldn't help but worry. Would she be safe, being out that late? "Whose party is it?"

"Emi's. You know her, Dad."

Mai placed a hand on her husband's arm. "Zuko. She's an adult. She'll be fine."

He sighed. "Alright. You can go. Just....keep your wits about you, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

That summer marked the anniversary of Ursa and Ikem's wedding. "Thirtieth," said Ursa proudly. So, to celebrate, the whole family would come and stay in Hira'a with them for a week. Izumi hadn't been there in a while, not since she was nine or ten years old. But it was just as beautiful as she remembered. There was lots of forest, a nice occasional breeze coming from the mountains, and there was a blue-green swimming hole she loved playing in as a child.

The first night there, she and Iroh sat together in the living room. "Well," he said. "How does it feel, now that you've graduated?"

"Good." She attempted a smile, although inside, she wasn't really all that happy.

"You're not telling the whole truth. How do you _really_ feel?"

She sighed. He had a way of noticing these things. "Well...." Nobody else was in the room and she trusted him enough, so she figured she should just go ahead and tell him. "Part of me is glad that I'm done with all that, but another part of me is.... I don't know. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy and excited, but I'm not. I guess I'm just.... anxious?"

He nodded. "You don't think you're ready."

"Well, yes, there's that, but there's more to it. There's another part of me that just feels..... nothing. Like, empty." She tried to figure out how to phrase it. "Sometimes, I find myself wondering if...... there's a _purpose._ To just going through the motions of my life. It all just feels pointless."

He stood up from his chair. "Come with me. I want to show you something."

So she went with him, and they went outside. It felt like she was a little girl again, sitting in the palace garden with him at night. The air had cooled considerably from the day, but it was still warm. "What do you want to show me?"

"Just sit, and listen."

So they sat and listened. Izumi didn't know what she was supposed to get from this, but she did it anyway. The badger-frogs croaked rhythmically. There was a slight breeze coming through, and it rustled the trees just a little. Under all the other noises, though, she heard a nondescript humming sound. She'd heard it many times before, and she always thought it was just the sound of the night, of quiet. Iroh broke the silence. "Now feel your pulse."

"Iroh, I really don't....."

"Just do it."

She put two fingers on her wrist and felt her pulse. "Do you feel that?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Now pay attention to the sound of the badger-frogs."

So she listened, trying to isolate that sound from everything else. "Notice anything?"

What was she supposed to notice? "No....."

"Your heartbeat has the same rhythm as the croaking. See for yourself."

So she felt her pulse again, and listened for the badger-frogs again. "Oh, it does!"

"There's a reason for that. Just like there's a reason for everything."

She nodded. She knew he believed that everything happened for a reason. "And what would that reason be?"

"You're a part of this earth, just as much as these creatures. If everything here serves a purpose, then you do, too."

"Well, I wouldn't say _that_...."

"It may not feel like it now, but one day, you will lead a fulfilling life, and you will understand that there _is_ a purpose to your life. You're at a point in your life where you're trying to find purpose, and I'm telling you that you will find it." He sighed. "It's like I told your father. You're going through a metamorphosis."

She chuckled drily. "I wish I could just skip to the part where I come out beautiful and glorious."

"I know. But in order to get there, you have to experience the ugly parts. And I promise you that while it may seem terrible, it's not forever."

* * *

Izumi thought about his words the rest of that week. She sure hoped it was true. She didn't want to feel like this forever. She was sick of putting on a fake smile and feigning happiness. She wanted to experience the real thing.

On the day of the anniversary, Ursa and Ikem hosted a party. This made Izumi nervous. That meant food, that she would probably have to eat to avoid arousing suspicion. For a little bit, she was able to avoid eating. But then at one point, Kiyi called her over. "Izumi! You have to try this! It's really good!"

She couldn't remember what it was her aunt had wanted her to try. But she knew that as she swallowed that bite, the self-hatred started to creep in again. _Look what you've done_ now. Then another thought came into her head. _How am I going to throw up with all these people here?_

After a while, which she'd spent eating more food (she figured she'd already pretty much ruined her day) and making small talk with the guests, she found a free moment to go to the bathroom. And suddenly, she remembered this little concoction her grandmother kept in her medicine cabinet. Apparently, it could make you throw up. So she opened the cabinet, found the bottle, and drank it.

All she remembered after that was becoming violently sick. Then the ground came up to meet her, and everything went black.

Zuko had been talking with some of Ursa's old theater friends when he heard the sound of someone retching. At first, he figured a guest had had too much to drink and didn't think much of it. But then, when the heaving got louder and more violent, he became alarmed. _What's going on in there?_ Wait, where was Izumi? Worried, he tugged Mai's arm. "We should see what's going on in the bathroom."

Their daughter was curled in a ball on the bathroom floor, convulsing. Her mouth had vomit dripping from it. He couldn't help it. He let out a long, loud scream. Ursa and Ikem came running over there, and they gasped. "What the hell is going on here?" shouted Ikem.

Just then, Mai saw the empty bottle by the sink. "Hospital. Now."

Because she didn't trust the doctor in Hira'a, the princess was hurried to a nearby island. She woke up in the hospital, a tube down her throat. _What happened?_ She looked up to see her parents and grandparents standing over her. "Oh, thank the stars you're alive!" gasped Ursa.

"What am I doing here?"

Her grandmother swallowed hard. "I think you might have accidentally drunk one of my medicines. It was a pretty strong one, too. When we found you, you were.... seizing like mad." She sighed. "I'm just so glad you're alive, honey. I really am."


	10. Chapter 10

The day Izumi was to leave for college, she got up a bit earlier than usual, got dressed, and grabbed her bags. Before she and her parents got on the boat, she hugged Rina and Azula goodbye. Wow. This would be the longest she'd be away from them, and her parents, and all the people she grew up with. She almost couldn't believe it.

The trip was about five hours. When they arrived, she immediately noticed the change in temperature. Back home, it was humid and sticky. But now, it was cooler and drier. She stepped off the boat, her legs wobbling a bit. Her bags were loaded onto a carriage, and as they made their way to the university, she couldn't help but look around at the city. It had grown and changed so much from when she was younger. In fact, every time she'd visited, it had seemed like new buildings were popping up left and right.

"Well," said her father. "We're here."

So they took the bags off of the carriage and walked in. Students and their families stood on the quad. _Also here for orientation,_ she thought.

She was assigned to her dormitory by a man at the front desk who happened to be on a first-name basis with her father. It was located at one of the further reaches of the campus, but thankfully, she noted, not too far from where her classes were located.

When they arrived at the dorm, there were two girls there already, sitting together and talking. One had brown skin and wore her hair in a braid over her shoulder. The other was paler and had shiny black hair that seemed to reflect the sunlight. When they heard the family coming in, they both turned and gasped. They'd be rooming with a princess!

"Hello," said Izumi. "I'm Izumi."

"I'm Lora," said the girl with the braid.

"And I'm Wen," said the other girl. "It's... a pleasure to meet you, Y-Your Highness." She nodded towards the Fire Lord. "And.... Your Majesty."

Zuko laughed. "Oh, there's no need for that. You can just call me Zuko." He smiled at them both. "I have a feeling you three will be great friends."

When it came time to say goodbye, he hugged his daughter, for so long that it was almost awkward. He knew she wasn't a little girl anymore, and that she could handle herself, but oh, how he wanted to pretend like she was still little, even for a moment. "I'll be fine, Dad," said Izumi.

"I know," he responded. "I know." Then he pulled away, cleared his throat, and told her, "Be good- not that you'll have a problem with that- take care of yourself, and have fun."

"I will."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Dad."

And with that, he and Mai left. He couldn't help but look back after they'd walked a few feet, and he saw her talking and laughing with her new roommates. _She'll be fine._

Izumi got to know Lora and Wen that morning. They'd been friends since they were eight, and they'd grown up in Republic City. "We can show you around," offered Lora.

"That would be lovely."

* * *

Time passed. Izumi started to feel more independent, and she had some friends who were going through this process with her. One evening, Lora and Wen persuaded her to go to a party with them, so she did. It was at someone's apartment in the city. Izumi loved it. It reminded her of being a teenager, going to parties, having a taste of forbidden fun.

That night, as she was taking a brief break from dancing, she saw someone in the next room. A guy. He had dark hair and very sharp features. It took her a while before she realized he was looking at her. They kept exchanging glances until finally, he gestured for her to come over. So she did.

"Well," he said, smiling. "What's your name?"

 _He really doesn't know who I am?_ "Izumi. What's yours?"

"Zhi. Do you go to school here?"

"Yeah."

"So do I! What's your major?"

"Haven't completely decided, but probably political science." Feeling bold from the drinks, she inched a bit closer to him. "What's _yours_ , gorgeous?"

He chuckled. "Biology. And you're quite an attractive girl yourself. What year are you?"

"Freshman. You?"

He raised his eyebrows, then muttered, "Oh, wow, you're pretty _young_ , I mean...."

He was older! "Well, how old are _you_?"

"Twenty." He sighed. "Look, I think you're a bit young for me. But it could be worse."

They had a nice little relationship going from there. They had their first kiss on the bridge. They went on dates, met each other's friends. Sometimes, they would go out to the park with Zhi's friends, where they would spend the night drinking and talking. Izumi always felt grown-up, hanging out with them. They were young, wild, and free, and nobody was there to stop them.

Unfortunately, with her newfound independence, her eating issues didn't get much better. In fact, they got worse. Her eating was often very minimal, but when she binged, it was more intensely than ever. Entire cases of instant noodles. A whole pie. One night, when her roommates were gone, she ended up eating almost all the food in their dorm. By the middle of the semester, her throat was burning all the time. She got constant, splitting headaches. Her hands shook. Sometimes, when she walked, it was all she could do to keep from passing out. Still, she tried to pretend like everything was fine.

Zhi began to suspect that her relationship with food wasn't normal, but he didn't want to say anything about it. _I don't want to embarrass her._ Still, he tried to help in small ways. For example, when they ate out together, he would sit with her and make sure she ate a decent amount of her meal. If she burst into tears, saying she couldn't, he'd try to comfort her.

Wen was a bit worried, as well. She had no idea _what_ was wrong with her, but she could tell something was amiss. Izumi _never_ went to the dining hall, which she found quite strange. So one night, she tried to get her to go with her for dinner. "Oh, no, I have a lot of work to do," was Izumi's response. 

"You can do it once you're done eating! Just come with me."

She gulped. "Oh, alright."

So they went. But the whole way there, she felt quite woozy. _What's happening?_ And when they were in the dining hall.... the lights were just too bright. The sounds of the other students talking were muffled. "Izumi?"

She turned to face Wen. "Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

Before she could respond, the room started spinning and the ground came up to meet her.

The next thing she knew, she was in the campus nurse's office, a blood pressure cuff around her arm. She couldn't quite process what was happening. But the nurse handed her some juice in a small cup. "It'll get your blood sugar up."

Lora and Wen were pleading with her to see a doctor. But it fell on deaf ears. In fact, everybody who'd been trying to "help" was just overreacting! She was fine. "I just fell once. I'm fine."

School broke for the new year, and her family decided to come out there to surprise her. She was so happy to see her grandparents and her aunts and uncles and cousins. She introduced them to Lora and Wen, and showed them around the campus a little bit. Zuko noticed that her knuckles were red. Looking at it closely, he asked, "What happened to your hand?"

"Oh, you know, it's the cold," she said sheepishly, having a vague idea of the real cause.

That night, they went out to eat at a nice restaurant, where Aang and his family would meet them. Zhi walked over to their table, and spoke with the family for a while before he had to go. Izumi ate her meal, because she could tell her parents were getting suspicious, as well. But almost immediately after, she got up and tugged on Rina's arm.

Rina gulped. As much as she hated doing this, she felt like she had to, because they were family. So they went to the bathroom, and she stood at the sink, standing guard. Usually, nobody would disturb them. But this time, Mai walked in. "Your mom's here!"

Mai looked over at the stalls. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes, everything's fine!"

Two days later, Izumi slept over at her aunt's house, as she did when she was a child. She tried not to purge, she really did, but after dinner, she just couldn't help herself. And later that night, as she was getting ready for bed, Rina yelled, "Izumi!"

She turned her head. "What?"

"Your back. Your _fucking_ back." The younger girl gritted her teeth. "There's fucking _fur_ on it, Izumi. How have you not noticed?"

She _had,_ though. "And?"

"I'm really sick of covering for you. You're sick, and it shows."

"I don't care."

"Well, you should. Because you have a problem. And if you don't make it go away, I _will_ tell your parents."

She gulped at the prospect of Rina telling her parents. Oh, she just couldn't stand it. Already, she could feel the shame. And the next day, at home, she thought it over. _How can I keep her from telling them?_ Then, that afternoon, she realized the only way to keep Rina from telling was to tell them herself.

So she called her father into her room. "Dad! I need to talk to you about something important!"

He came in. "What is it?"

She sighed. "You might want to sit down."

So he sat next to her, on her bed. _Oh, no._ What would she tell him? Was she..... "How far along are you?"

"Wh- Dad, I'm not pregnant!" she laughed. Then she sighed and shook her head. "No, no, it's.... worse." She felt the tears pricking at her eyes.

"Well, what is it, sweetheart?"

"I... well, for the last year or so, I've been.... making myself throw up."

Zuko gulped. _So it's true._ He remembered what Mai had said to him at the restaurant: "I think she's throwing up."

He'd said, "I don't think she is. We'd know about it by now."

"That's what _I_ thought. But trust me, Zuko, I know it when I see it. She said she had a sore throat, she looks like she's lost weight, and those knuckles of hers? Yeah, it's not from the cold."

She was right. Of course she was. How could he not have seen the signs? He looked over at Izumi, who was now crying, and pulled her into a hug. "It's alright, sweetheart." He swallowed hard, unsure what to say next. "You can get through this. We'll help you."

She managed to choke out, "Please don't tell Mom."

"She already knows."

Izumi wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. _Sweet_ _Agni....._ "She _does_? _How_?"

"Well, she doesn't know for _sure_ , but she's been suspecting that for a while." He sighed. "When she was in school, a lot of her classmates did that, so she just..... noticed some similarities. Your mother, she's.... she's very upset about this. We're worried about you."

"I know."

"Which is why we're taking you to see a special doctor tomorrow."

She sighed. _Goddamn it._ "Oh, _al_ right."

So the next day, she was taken to see Dr. Liu, a doctor who worked with teenagers and young adults and specialized in treating eating disorders. This was a pretty new field, but a necessary one, considering the spate of cases in the last twenty years. He was young, but quite stern, in her opinion.

He gave her a check-up, of sorts. As she sat on the chair in a thin paper gown, she rolled her eyes and said, "Let me guess. You're going to try and scare me out of this. Well, it _won't_ _work._ "

Dr. Liu simply ignored that little comment and asked, "How long since you've thrown up?"

"How do you know I throw up?"

He patted the swelling at her jaw. "From this. Now how long since you've thrown up?"

"Two days ago."

"How many times?"

"Once."

"When was the last time you had a period?"

"Are you for real?"

"Yes. Now answer the question."

"A few months ago, I think."

He shone a light into her eyes and muttered to himself, "Lack of focus", then wrote it down. He tested her blood pressure, and it was quite low. "Have you ever fainted?"

"Yeah, a couple months ago."

He looked at her nails, saw that they were blue, and wrote it down. Then he measured her heart rate, which was also pretty low, and had her walk heel-to-toe across the floor. She swayed a bit and had to catch herself at one point.

When the checkup was over and she had finished dressing, he had her fill out a questionnaire. Questions like, "Do you think you need to lose weight?" or "In the last 3 months, how many times have you purged (i.e. vomited, used laxatives, etc.) to control your weight or shape?"

Towards the end of the appointment, he said, "So you think you're perfectly healthy."

Well, not _perfectly,_ but... "Yeah."

"Well, your test results would say otherwise."

"What do you mean?"

"Your heart rate is..... pitiful, to say the least, your eyes don't focus, and your blood pressure is low. You're starving. And what's more, your answers to the questionnaire are consistent with..... disordered eating, if not a full-blown eating disorder, which I think it might be. I don't know what else to tell you."

"Whatever." She knew she was ruining her body, but if she wanted to keep ruining her body, that was _her_ prerogative.

" _Whatever?_ That's all you have to _say_?"

"I mean, I really don't care."

He just sighed and went to speak with her parents. "So I think your suspicions of an eating disorder were confirmed. She shows a lot of the physical symptoms, including low blood pressure and heart rate. And based on the answers she gave me, I highly, _highly_ recommend you follow up with a psychologist. She doesn't meet criteria for hospitalization just yet, but she should _absolutely_ be under supervision. When she's well enough to return to school, I can set up some guidelines for the medical professionals at her school to follow."

 _Oh, Agni. It's_ that _severe?_ "Th-thank you for telling us, Dr. Liu," mumbled Zuko. "We'll do whatever's needed to make sure she recovers."

Dr. Liu sighed. "Well, then, you have a difficult task ahead of you. She doesn't seem to grasp the severity of her illness. Now denial isn't uncommon in eating disorder patients, especially adolescents, but I think this is the highest level of denial I've seen."

Mai sighed. She knew this would be harder than they thought. Much, _much_ harder.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide TW!

For the rest of the time she was out of school, her parents started to pay closer attention to how she was eating. It was difficult to get her to finish her food, but they made sure she at least showed up for meals. That was the least they could do, they figured. And besides, she'd started meeting with a therapist. Perhaps the therapist could help her with the psychological aspects. 

Izumi thought this whole thing was ridiculous. Why was it their business if she wanted to hurt herself? She was an adult! But if it would get everyone off her back, then yes, she'd eat the food, and pretend like she was feeling better than she was.

So she went back to school, really not much better than when she started, but "normal" enough for her parents to stop hovering over her. According to Dr. Liu's special instructions, she was to visit the counselor every week, and the campus nurse was to weigh her every month. But she very quickly developed ways to get around these stipulations. And once again, nobody suspected a thing.

That semester, other than that, was fairly normal. She and Zhi still went out regularly. One night, after drinking in the park with him and his friends, he took her back to his apartment and laid her on his bed. He moved himself on top of her, and her heart pounded. _My first time! But am I ready for it?_ He started to grind his hips on her.

This warm entanglement, this "almost-sex", felt naughty and forbidden, but fun, too. She could just lose herself in all of it: his body on hers, his soft kisses on her mouth, neck, forehead, cheeks. Then he whispered, "Well? Do you want to do it for real?"

She gasped. _I don't think I'm ready for the real thing._ The idea of _anybody_ seeing her naked was enough to make her skin crawl. "I.... I'm not ready for that yet."

He moved off of her, and she mumbled, "Sorry."

"Hey. Don't worry about it."

But after about a month, she could tell that they weren't working as a couple. It wasn't any big thing that made her think that, but rather that the feel of their relationship had become more.... subdued. That carefree enthusiasm that had once accompanied their dates was gone. Now it just seemed..... bland.

So the next time she saw him, she wanted to broach the subject, but had to figure out the right time. Just then, he said, "I think we should break up."

She laughed. "I was _just_ about to say that! But is this because I didn't want to have sex?"

He shook his head. "No, no, of course not. It's just... it's clear that you and I each have a lot of unresolved personal issues, and I think we need to work things out on our own."

She nodded. "Seems reasonable." Feeling a bit awkward, she got up. "Well.... goodbye, I suppose."

"Yes.... goodbye. But.... we'll see each other around."

"Oh, of course."

* * *

That summer was pleasant. Trips to Ember Island and Republic City, weeks spent lounging around the palace, doing nothing. One night, Rina decided to take her to a party she'd been invited to. As they were getting ready, the subject of boys came up. Rina confessed that she'd lost her virginity a month earlier. "Have you lost yours yet?"

Izumi blushed a bit upon remembering that night with Zhi. "No."

"You went to _college,_ and you haven't lost your virginity yet?" She smirked a little. "Well, how about this? You lose it tonight."

" _Hell_ no! I don't want to do that with some random boy!"

"Not just _any_ boy. When you see the right guy, single him out, talk to him a bit, and then, when the moment's right...." She made a crude gesture with her hands.

" _Rina_!"

They both exploded with laughter.

At the party, Izumi mostly sat with her cousin, getting drunk and looking at the boys. They were all good-looking, but..... who should she talk to first? There was one who was crisply dressed, standing by himself. Something struck her about him, but she didn't quite know what it was. "I think I found somebody."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to him! Here, let me hold your drink."

So she walked towards the guy. His hair had a blue-black tint to it, and his jawline was.... striking, to say the least. She asked him to dance with her, so they danced. "What's your name?"

"Kuzon."

"Kuzon. Classic and old-fashioned. I like that. I'm Izumi."

They kept talking for a while, and there was something quite charming about him. Maybe it was his easy smile, the way he spoke, how even though she was wearing a low-cut top, he looked her in the eyes. But this pleasant experience was marred when suddenly, she started to feel queasy. _Oh no._ She realized she'd have to find a polite place to vomit. But, too late..... she bent over and threw up at his feet. "Oh, dear!" he shouted.

Embarrassed, she looked up. "I'm.... I'm so sorry. That was totally inappropriate."

"It's alright. It happens to everyone."

Needless to say, there was no sex that night. But Izumi figured that was alright, because she _still_ didn't think she was ready for anything of the sort. In her mind, her body was the most disgusting thing she'd ever laid eyes on, and the idea of it being the object of anyone's attention..... it made her want to throw up, almost (no pun intended).

Towards the end of the summer, Mai received a call from her brother. Their mother was critically ill, apparently, and now it was unclear whether she'd live or die. She gasped when she heard this. Even if their relationship hadn't been very good, she couldn't imagine her gone.

That evening, she and Zuko decided to sit their daughter down and tell her the news. "Your grandmother...." Mai sighed. "She's very, very ill. In fact.... she could die."

Izumi gasped. _No._ "Well, how long does she have to live?"

"The doctors think two months, at most."

"Well...... can we see her before then?"

"Oh, yes, of course."

So, before school started again, she saw her maternal grandmother once again in the hospital. She was very frail and thin, and it was all she could do not to cry at seeing her in this state. The woman smiled. "Hello, Izumi."

"H-hello, Grandmother."

She took her hand. "You've grown so much. I can remember when you were just a baby."

"Oh, Grandmother...." She tried to hold back tears.

"You were so tiny and helpless. _Now_ look at you." She looked up at her. "I'm proud of you, my darling. I really am."

A bit after she started school, she and her old roommates scraped together some money to buy themselves an apartment in the city. It was a small place, but still fairly comfortable.

Izumi, in particular, liked this arrangement. This meant no trips to the dining hall. And the plumbing was a lot better than in the dorms.

She met a girl not long after that. Midori. She was a slight, quiet girl, with eyes black as skipping rocks. One night, they were kissing quite heavily when Midori began to undress her. Izumi was a bit nervous about how she'd look undressed, but she thought, _I'm nineteen. I guess I ought to lose my virginity at_ some _point._ So she let her continue.

The experience was not what she'd expected. Midori whispered in her ear that she was beautiful, told her she loved her. She felt things she'd never felt before. When she released for the first time, she felt a wave of pleasure and sheer euphoria wash over her. As she shuddered in her girlfriend's arms, she felt closer to her than ever. Afterwards, she asked, "Can we do that again?"

"Of course, whenever you like."

"I mean now."

The other girl laughed and kissed her once again.

One night, she got a call from her parents. As soon as her father said, "It's about your grandmother", she knew what was coming. "The doctors said she was at peace. And she lived a month longer than expected."

She knew he was trying to make her feel better, but it didn't stop her from bursting into tears as soon as she got off the phone. Then, a bit after she'd stopped crying, she saw the pastry Wen had left on the counter. She hadn't eaten all day, and now seemed like a perfect time for a binge. So she grabbed it and ate it in rapid succession. _Fuck it._

Feeling light-headed, she crept into bed. Her head was pounding. She looked over at Lora, who was asleep. Did anybody suspect anything? Did anybody notice?

Over the next two months, she was the lowest she'd been in a while. Drinking, binging and purging, skipping classes, letting her grades slip. Who cared if she failed, anyway? Her world was falling apart. Nothing mattered anymore. Midori broke up with her, suspecting her eating issues and saying she felt reminded of her mother, who hated herself so much it killed her. "I want you to get better. And I know you can. But until you do, I won't watch you die."

She spent her nights wandering aimlessly around streets that were dangerous for a girl. Once, she went home with the first man who flirted with her, and she was so drunk she didn't even care.

Finally, one night, a couple weeks before the semester ended, she got tired of this existence. It was pointless, it was wasteful, and goddamn it, it just _hurt._ So, when her roommates were out, she took a bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet. She didn't know what they did, but she didn't care. Shaking half the bottle into her hand, she swallowed the pills and waited for everything to go dark.


	12. Chapter 12

The next thing she knew, she was in a white room that smelled of antiseptic. The hospital. There was a tube snaking down her throat. She groaned. _Why didn't I just die?_ _Who the hell brought me here, anyway?_ Her head was swimming. Lora and Wen were at her side. They looked.... _worried._ "Did- how did I get here?"

Lora sighed. "Wen found you in the bathroom. It's a good thing she did."

Izumi just rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

Zuko and Mai walked into the hospital room with baited breath. They'd come out there as soon as Lora called them. The trip took a while, but they hoped they weren't too late. Zuko had to keep himself from bursting into tears. He'd almost lost his only child.

Izumi wasn't pleased at seeing her parents. She sat up a bit and glared, then looked towards her roommates. "You did _not_."

"Izumi, I'm sorry," said Lora. "But they needed to know about this. You almost _died_."

"H-hey, honey," said her father tentatively, as if his daughter _hadn't_ just tried to take her own life. _Oh, Agni, she looks terrible!_ Her eyes had dark circles under them, her skin was like rice paper, and..... had she lost weight? "H-how are you feeling?"

"How do you think?"

He sighed. He really didn't know what to do about this. He just stroked her hair and said, "We just want to make sure you're okay. Because we love you."

They left after a few awkward exchanges. When they were outside of the hospital, he couldn't help himself. He just burst into tears. He was in public, but what did it matter?

Mai hated seeing him in such a state. He rarely cried. "Oh, Zuko, please...." She held him and rubbed his back.

"I just...." He gasped for breath. "I want my little girl back."

"I know, honey. I know. I do, too."

"I don't want to have to bury her."

"We won't. We can help her." But even then, she wasn't so sure if that was true.

Izumi was out of the hospital after a week. A week of food she refused to touch, supervised showers, and limited movement. She had to ask permission _every_ _damn time_ if she wanted to leave her room. And she was a grown woman! Whatever. She was just glad to leave that awful place. And when she was outside of the building, she made sure to flip it off.

She was back at school, just before the dreaded finals week. Cramming, caffeine, and stress, stress, stress. But for her, it was a _perfect_ excuse not to eat or sleep. Staying up until four in the morning reading flashcard after flashcard, ignoring her growling stomach and twitching eyes. She almost couldn't wait for this.

It was the middle of finals week when she got called into the dean's office. Huh. What was _this_ about? She walked into the office, and her _mother_ was there. Oh, no. This had to be pretty bad. "Oh! Izumi! Please sit down."

So she sat. Then turning to her mother, she whispered, "Mom.... what are you doing here? Where's Dad?"

"Your father had some important business to attend to, so he left early."

The dean sighed and said, "As Izumi probably knows, we have a very heavy matter to address."

Mai had an idea of what this was about. "Well, what is it?"

"I was informed that.... your daughter attempted suicide two weeks ago."

"Yes, I'm aware."

"She obviously has some emotional problems that need to be dealt with. And while the campus nurse says her eating disorder seems to be under control, her roommates say she shows evidence of a drinking problem. Therefore, I think it would be best if she took a semester off to get better."

Izumi gasped. What would that mean for her? No. She couldn't do it. "But, sir..... what about my studies?"

"Don't worry, you can come back here in the summer to take the classes you missed. Hopefully, you will feel better by then."

She sighed. So it was official. The jig was up, once again. Oh, well. It was going to be what it was going to be. She figured she might as well say goodbye to her friends until..... who knew how long? So, the night before she went back home, she took them out to celebrate.

Lora thought this little outing of theirs was fun, but that whole night, she was worried about how much Izumi was drinking. She'd found quite a few empty bottles in their trash, and she wondered if her drinking was evidence of a much bigger problem. But she didn't say anything about it that night.

As they left the nightclub, Izumi was so drunk she lost her balance and fell on the sidewalk. Wen and Lora helped her up without a word, but they looked at each other, suddenly very scared. 

The hangover the next morning was _terrible._ Her head was throbbing, and she was just so sick. At home, she spent most of the day sleeping. But that evening, feeling much better, she decided to visit Rina. And because Azula wasn't home, they mixed drinks. It felt like they were teenagers again. But Rina noticed her cousin was drinking a _lot_. To the point where she pissed herself and didn't even realize. "Okay," she said as the other girl reached for yet another shot. "I'm cutting you off."

"Why? I'm _fine_."

"Uh, no, you're not. You're swaying as we speak. Here." She grabbed the shot from her. "You're done now."

But it was too late. As soon as she'd made her way back to the living room, her legs gave way and everything went black. Rina shrieked when she saw her. And it was just at that moment that her mother came in.

Azula didn't know what to make of this. Her niece was passed out on the floor, and her daughter was kneeling over her, pleading and crying. "Rina! What happened?"

"I don't know!"

She went over to her. "You _do_ know. What happened?"

"Sh-she was drinking a lot, and then she passed out."

She'd figured they'd been drinking. "Alright, I'll handle this." So she rolled Izumi onto her side. She'd done this many times with her father. "Rina, this is extremely important. How long has she been out?"

"It can't have been longer than a minute."

Now the next step was to make sure she was breathing. _Don't die on me, please._ She was breathing, but very slowly. Usually, with her father, she'd wait for him to wake up, but.... "Alright, that's it. We're going to the hospital."

She was just starting to pick up her niece when the girl stirred a bit, then woke up. _What happened?_ She could see her aunt and cousin hovering over her. "Oh, _phew,_ " said Rina.

Izumi sat up just a little. "Would you like some water?" asked her aunt.

She nodded.

  
When she got home, her parents had no inkling of what had just happened.

* * *

The next morning, it was back in Dr. Liu's office. And there, she couldn't do any of her little tricks. So now she _knew_ she was screwed.

In his office, he just gave her a wry smile and said, "You know the drill."

"Yeah."

After weighing her and measuring her heart rate and blood pressure, he told her, "Stand up- slowly- and walk heel-to-toe across the room without looking at the floor."

So she complied, and seemed to be doing well until she lost her footing and fell. When the checkup was over, she asked, "So, did I fail this test?"

"Basically." His face became serious at once, and he looked her right in the eye. "Look. Izumi. I know you think I'm just trying to scare you, and that you're perfectly fine, and all that. But believe me when I say that if you keep this up, you _will_ do lasting damage. For example, you don't want to have brittle bones for the rest of your life, do you?"

"No."

"I thought as much. And you're already very, very sick. You need to eat. Your body cannot tell the difference."

"I know."

"And one more thing: please be honest with your parents. You've been letting them believe that you're better when you're really not. It would benefit you all greatly if you just told them the truth." And with that, he left to speak with her parents.

He told them his findings, including that she hadn't had a period since that summer, and that she'd lost a significant amount of weight. When they left the office, Izumi noticed that her father looked _furious._ "Young lady, we are going to have a _serious_ talk when we get home."

So they sat in the living room. Zuko was angry for some reason, but he knew he shouldn't be angry with her. "When the doctor spoke to us, he said that not only is your blood pressure lower than it was at your last appointment, but you also haven't had a period since _summer_."

"Well, yeah." She shrugged. "I just..... haven't been getting my period."

"Izumi, this is serious," sighed Mai. "Dr. Liu said that this can get deadly if it gets out of hand. Now, your father may not have approached it in the best way, but it's a necessary question. Are you still throwing up?"

"Yes."

"How often?" asked Zuko, still a little stern.

"Well, I didn't do it this year until.... the thing with Grandmother. And after that, it was.... pretty much every two or three days."

Oh, wow. _That_ often? Mai sighed. "We need to get you some real help. The doctor suggested inpatient."

Izumi felt the fury rise in her at that word. _Inpatient._ Hell, no. "I'm _not_ going there! Fuck you both!"

Her parents just watched as she raged. _She'll calm down soon enough,_ thought Mai. Then, finished raging, she burst into tears. "Please, I don't want to leave. I promise, I'll get better. Just give me a chance, _please_!"

Zuko's demeanor softened a bit at seeing his daughter like this. "Okay. We won't send you there. On one condition."

"And what's that?"

"You'll meet with the doctor and the therapist twice a week. You have to prove to us that you're getting better and that we can trust you. But if you slip up, we'll..... go to Dr. Liu again, and you'll get another check-up, and based on what he thinks, he may or may not refer you somewhere."

She groaned. "It feels like I'm being punished."

"Honey, we're not punishing you."

And once again, she was _pissed_. "Bullshit! Yes you are! I _hate_ you! Why don't you fucking trust me anymore?"

Mai felt tears well at her eyes. "Listen, if you die, I will hate myself more than ever. So I'd rather you hate me than that happen."

Wow. Come to think of it, she didn't think she'd _ever_ seen her parents cry. "Mom.....

"Izumi," said Zuko calmly. "You have a disease, and you need treatment. All you have to do is follow through with the treatment, and things will be back to normal. You'll have our trust again. And I know it seems scary, but we'll take it slow. Okay, sweetheart?"

She sighed. "Okay."

That night, she took a look in the mirror. She was pale, sickly, and, while not underweight, still disturbingly thin. Her nails were blue, and she'd noticed that they often broke. _What have I done to myself?_

* * *

The period that followed was difficult. Her parents would have to sit with her while she ate, making sure she finished her food and didn't disappear to purge afterwards. There were a lot of fights at dinner, because no matter what, Izumi could not bring herself to eat the food, and she couldn't believe her parents were making her. Mai knew to stay level-headed and that it was just the eating disorder talking. But Zuko would engage in the screaming matches and was frequently exasperated from the sheer effort of trying to keep his daughter alive.

However, gradually, she got better. She was reluctant to eat, but knew that it would be worth it. As time went on, she started to rage less, and she felt.... calmer.

There was her grandmother's funeral. She tried to hold herself together for it, and for the most part, she was successful. But at the reception, when her parents were off talking to other people, an older male relative she barely knew sidled up to her and commented on her breasts. Feeling dirty once again, she pulled away from him. And at home, she purged what she'd eaten. _I want to get rid of those ugly tits so nobody will ever want to touch them._

Looking in the mirror, she began to cry. "I can't do this."


	13. Chapter 13

Fortunately, after that slip-up, she didn't have another for the next several months. She began to appreciate life, for the first time in many years. And honestly, it felt liberating, to eat what she wanted without guilt. It was a process of learning. Learning to appreciate the once-dreaded full feeling, to have fun without drinking, to look around and _enjoy_ things for once. But she was willing to do it if it meant getting her life back. 

But it wasn't easy, to have all the memories she'd kept buried for so long resurface. At one of her therapy sessions, the conversation turned to her issues with sex. She mentioned how she went home with that stranger even though she didn't like him, and how, in late high school and early college (in between partners, that is), she took pride in being a "tease". How, starting when she was eleven or twelve, she got nervous around non-family men. In fact, when she was twelve and her father started letting her sit in on policy meetings, she got scared and insisted on sitting next to him. "It's alright," he told her. "It's not as scary as it seems."

She started crying, and as he held her, she sobbed, "You don't understand."

"What don't I understand, sweetheart?"

To this day, she didn't think he knew the real reason why she was crying.

And then she talked about the man who leered at her at the funeral. But as she was recounting this experience, she could feel a man's heavy hand snaking down her collar, and she stiffened. "Izumi?" asked the therapist. "Are you alright?"

She swallowed hard. "Well..... um.... I haven't told anyone this, but.... when I was eleven, my aunt's boyfriend touched me. And as it was happening, I remember thinking, _Why is this happening to me?_ " And as she remembered it, she started to cry. "I was so scared. And I just felt so...... _dirty._ But I couldn't tell anybody because I was worried about ruining my aunt's life, and taking a father figure away from my cousin, and....."

"Izumi," said the woman calmly. "It's perfectly understandable that you felt like that. And I'm sorry that happened to you."

The therapist encouraged her to start keeping a journal, and initially, she was skeptical of whether this would help, but as time went on, she found that her suggestion _worked._ It was a great outlet for her feelings, much healthier than raging at people or hurting herself.

Zuko and Mai definitely noticed the difference. Her entire demeanor had changed. It was almost like she was that sweet little girl they once knew. She went for walks with her father again. One day, he saw her eating some fire flakes and grinning. He almost couldn't believe his eyes.

She got letters, from friends and family. Zhi wrote a few times. They'd both long since moved on from any romantic connection they once had, but they were friends. He expressed concern surrounding her well-being, having heard what happened. It touched her a little bit, how he still cared about her. 

In the spring, Bai invited her to a party at his house. It had been a while since they'd spoken, so it would be nice to see him again. She got ready for the party that night, slipping into something nice, but comfortable. She did her makeup in front of her bedroom mirror. Bold red lipstick. Thick mascara. Eyeliner. A little bit of rouge on her cheeks. That evening, as she was about to leave, her father sat her down. "Izumi, there may be alcohol at that party. Do you think you can control yourself?"

She nodded gravely. "Yes, Dad. I'll be fine."

When she arrived at Bai's house, he greeted her excitedly. "It's good to see you after all this time."

"Yeah, it's good to see you, too."

He sighed. "You know, I heard about what happened, and I'm just glad you're okay."

She nodded. "I'm getting better."

After a pause, he said, "There's somebody here who I think you might recognize. I'll walk you over to him."

She got a bit nervous. " _Oh,_ it's a _guy_."

He grinned. "Yep." He walked her over to a cluster of young men, and she immediately recognized one of them, with his blue-black hair. _Kuzon!_

"Hey, Kuzon. Is this who you met over summer?"

He looked over at her. "Yes! Hello there, Izumi." He broke off from the group.

"Hi," she mumbled. And it was at that moment that she realized that she didn't socialize well unless she'd had some drinks.

Bai smiled. "Why don't we give those two some alone time?" And the other guys left.

Izumi blushed and averted her eyes. Why she was so nervous around him, she didn't know. Kuzon chuckled. "Shy?"

She nodded.

"Well, if you don't want to talk, we could go dance."

"Okay, now _that_ sounds good."

So she put a hand on his shoulder and he put a hand on her waist. And as they danced, he led with the questions, to ease the tension a bit. "So, how do you know Bai?"

"Secondary school. What about you?"

"College. We're roommates." After a bit, he asked, "If I remember correctly, you go to school in Republic City, yes?"

"Yes."

"If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here?"

"I'm taking a semester off."

"Well, what are you studying?"

"Political science. You?"

"Journalism. Now, um.... why are you taking the semester off? If you don't mind me asking, of course....."

She laughed a bit at his politeness. "It's fine, really. I was... really sick, and the dean said I should take the semester off to get better."

"Physically or mentally?"

"A bit of both, I suppose."

"Well, you seem healthier than when I last saw you. How do you feel?"

"Quite well." It was true.

"And just to be clear, you won't throw up on my shoes again?"

She laughed. He had a good sense of humor. "No."

She found out more about him that night. His father owned a company. Armaments, apparently. He'd grown up on another island, but when he was twelve, his father moved the company's main headquarters to the capital. He had two sisters who were seventeen and thirteen. Because their mother was from the Earth Kingdom, the younger one was an earthbender. The girls drove him crazy, but he loved them a lot, he said. And for fun, he loved watching plays.

At the end of the night, she told him where to write her, and they promised to keep in touch. And as she left, she thought of him. _He seems sweet._ His voice was soothing and.... familiar, for some reason. And the way he paid attention to her made her feel appreciated.

At home in her bed, she sighed happily. _I love my life._


	14. Chapter 14

Summer was approaching, and fast. So the question was: where would Izumi stay while she was taking her classes? Wanting her to have some input in this matter, her parents sat down with her one day. "We need to figure out where you'll be staying while you're away."

"I could stay in our apartment," she suggested. "And then when the year starts, I can meet my roommates there."

Zuko sighed. This seemed like a good idea, but would she be able to handle it? "Now I know you'd like to be independent, and believe me, I'd like that for you as well. But I think you still need _some_ supervision."

"I thought you trusted me."

"And I do. It's just that at this stage in your recovery, I don't think you should be handling this by yourself."

She nodded. _Makes sense._ "That's fair."

After some discussion, they eventually settled on her staying with Toph, because she lived near the university. Izumi smiled as she thought of seeing Lin and Suyin again. The last time they'd seen each other was a couple months earlier when her parents had hosted a party. When they got a chance to talk, Lin asked her why she'd looked so sick the last time Izumi had visited. And she gulped and proceeded to tell her about eating disorders, making her promise to stay healthy.

"And," said Mai. "Once your classes are done, you can join us in Ember Island for a week so you still have some vacation time. How does that sound?"

"Great." She realized she'd come to miss the city and all its places. 

A week before she left, she and her mother took a walk around the garden. Mai figured it would be a good way for them to clear their heads. And it was on this walk that Izumi decided to ask her something. "So..... several years ago, Ty Lee asked if I was eating enough, and then she said, 'I did it, too' in reference to that. Do you remember her.... having an eating disorder?"

Mai sighed. _Thanks,_ _Izumi._ "I most certainly do. I don't really know when it started, but probably when we were really young. Like fifth grade."

"Wow."

"Yeah. And over the next several years, I think I only saw her eat a few times. A lot of our classmates were telling her how great she looked, but I just knew something was wrong."

"Did you think she might have an eating disorder?"

"No. At the time, I don't think we even knew that phrase. Besides, a lot of girls did that. But I remember hugging her once and thinking I was going to break her bones. And we didn't find out she had a problem until she was twenty and her heart almost gave out."

"That's.... that's _terrible._ "

Mai nodded. "That's why I was so worried about you. I didn't want the same thing to happen to you."

Izumi thought about this conversation seriously for the rest of the day. That was why her mother felt the need to alert her father to the obvious signs he seemed to be missing. And it hit her. If she kept this up, she could die. For real. Initially, she'd thought the negative effects wouldn't come to her, but they had. And the consequences would be disastrous if she didn't commit to getting better.

A few days later, she went to Rina's graduation, feeling proud of her younger cousin. She may not have set a great example for her over the last five years, but she hoped to now.

* * *

Izumi arrived at Toph's apartment, a (belated) birthday gift for Lin in hand. It was a diary. Lin was the first to answer the door, and she smiled upon seeing her. "Izumi!"

She walked in. "I have something for you."

"What is it?"

As they sat down in the living room, she produced the gift from her bag, and Lin gasped. The cover was so pretty! And she'd always _wanted_ to start keeping a diary. "Thank you so much!" Then she got up to show Izumi all the other gifts she'd received for her birthday. A nice assortment of dolls and books. As she was showing her all these things, Izumi thought, _She's so sweet. I hope she stays like this forever._

That night, Toph had to work late, so Izumi offered to watch the girls. "They're pretty self-sufficient," said Toph. "I don't think you need to watch them."

And as it turned out, she was mostly right. Lin could make her own dinner, and she knew how to change diapers. So Izumi mostly just sat in the living room, reading a book.

The next day, Lin was eager to give her a tour of their apartment building. Although Izumi had seen it before, she was glad to hear the girl's chirpy interpretations of everything. "The man in here gets arrested a lot," she said when they stopped at one door.

"By your mom?"

"Sometimes."

The other residents included a cranky old lady who cursed a lot, a man who offered Lin candy once ("He's creepy," she said, "so I didn't take it"), a couple and their cruel teenage sons, and a woman who wore a lot of makeup and had men over at night.

* * *

Izumi liked being back out in the city. Seeing her friends again, going out. Wen's family had an automobile, so one night, the three of them decided to try driving it. And she realized how much she'd missed her classes while she was away.

Unfortunately, she started slipping back into old habits. Skipping meals to do coursework, not sleeping. She didn't pay much attention until one night, when she ordered a meal out and purged it. What followed was a full night of repeated binging and purging until her head was pounding, her mouth was sore, and she felt dizzy. Afterwards, she got some whiskey out of the cabinet. She'd been sober for several months, but what did it matter now? It was the cheapest, shittiest whiskey ever, but she didn't care. It was never about pleasure. It was all about getting drunk, numb enough not to feel anything.

Feeling sufficiently numb, she climbed into her bed and pulled up the covers. At least now she could pretend like everything was okay when it really, _really_ wasn't.


	15. Chapter 15

Izumi went out quite a bit. There was a lot to see and do, and at night, it was like the city opened up to a whole new world. It just felt magical, like anything could happen. She'd go out to bars or clubs, meet new and exciting people, maybe go home with somebody. She was young, wild, and free, and there was nothing to stop her.

There was one girl she went home with more than once. The first time was anonymous, a typical hook-up. But the next time, two weeks later, Izumi just had to ask this girl's name. Wei. She loved the sound of it. Light and airy. "Can you repeat it?"

"Wei."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-three."

They talked for a little while, and Izumi couldn't help but watch this girl. She was very calm and assured, how she'd always wanted to be. Her eyes were somewhat catlike, and her lips were full and pink.

They ran into each other a few days later, when Izumi was out shopping. They said hello, and then Wei told her she wanted to talk about something important. So they found a place to sit. "I've been trying to figure out how to say this. But....." she paused. "When I first met you, I thought you were cute, which I still do. But.... I didn't think.... I've realized that I actually like you. I want to get to know you. As a person."

 _Wow_. She hadn't thought Wei wanted anything more than a one (or two)- night stand. But here she was, confessing feelings for her!

"Look, I know you're not really looking for a relationship, but...."

"No, no, it's fine. And.... I do like you back."

So she had a _girlfriend!_ About time! It had been a while since she'd been in a relationship. Over time, they got to know each other. Wei was from Ba Sing Se, and her family was rich. She despised them, though, saying they had "money, but no class".

Izumi nodded, remembering Aiko and Li. "I know some people like that."

Wei laughed a bit. "Yeah, they're stuck-up, entitled assholes. You know the type. That's why I only visit them once a year. After all, there's only so much upper-class nonsense one can take."

Izumi liked being around her. She was funny, smart, sexy, confident. After their dates, she'd feel light, fluttery, _refreshed_. 

However, she still had her own problems. For starters, how the hell was she going to hide her relapse from the doctor? Or her family, for that matter. She was going to have to go to inpatient, where they'd force her to eat, and she'd have no freedom, and.... ugh.

On the bright side, she was doing better in her classes, despite this. She spent a lot of time playing with Toph's daughters. On the surface, she seemed happy. But she really wasn't. 

One day, a few weeks before she was to leave the city, she caught up with Zhi. They talked for a while, updated each other on their lives. Zhi and his girlfriend, Miyako, were making plans to move to the Fire Nation, where she was from, but they'd agreed to wait another year. "I don't really want to leave yet, anyway. I love the city, even if it _is_ rough at times."

It was a simple question as to how she was doing that sparked it. She said without meaning to, "I'm not okay."

"What was that?"

"I'm really not okay. Not sure if I want to go into specifics, but... life really sucks for me right now."

"I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

She shook her head and sighed. "Look, Zhi, I appreciate you wanting to help, but it's... it's not that bad. Really. You don't have to worry about me."

"Izumi, I'm your friend. Of course I'm worried about you. Because I care." Then after a beat, he said, "It's about your eating disorder, isn't it?"

"How did you..."

"How did I _know_? I mean, I didn't know for sure while we were dating, but at one point, I started to suspect something was up."

"When?"

"Well.... there were a lot of times when we went out and you wouldn't eat, but you'd hover while I ate. And whenever you _did_ eat in front of me, you'd freak out as soon as I looked at you."

She sighed. He, like everyone else, was onto her. So, after begging him not to tell anybody else, she told him about her recent relapse. How she felt guilty after eating a meal. How she felt like she was going back and forth between two extremes, over and over.

"That sounds horrible. I'm so sorry."

She backtracked immediately, somewhat regretting telling him. "Oh, no, no, it's okay! I'll be fine, really! I'm getting help!"

* * *

She went to Ember Island with her parents towards the end of the summer. It was a shock, going from Republic City's mild summer to the humidity of Ember Island. But she didn't mind it much.

Her cousins were happy to see her. At one point, Kiyi's two girls, Mei and Ming, barreled into her and nearly knocked her back. "My, you've grown so much!"

Mai and Zuko noticed something was off about her, though. She looked ill, once again. Mai could almost immediately tell she'd lost weight. And that night, Izumi said she had work to do, so she didn't eat dinner with the rest of the family. So, when everyone else had left the table, her parents called Dr. Liu in a near panic. "What the hell's going on here? She looks skeletal! How the hell did this happen?"

Dr. Liu advised them to watch her closely while they were there.

Izumi came downstairs after everyone had finished eating. She got herself a little bit of food, but she found that she just couldn't bring herself to eat it.

The next day, she spent most of breakfast staring at her food. Kiyi asked why she wasn't eating, and her response was, "Oh, I'm not really that hungry."

Her mother whispered something in her father's ear. The rest of the family was looking at her with rather concerned expressions, she noticed. "Is everything okay?" asked Ikem.

She nodded. "Well, of _course_ I'm still a little weird about food. But I'm fine, really." She forced a smile and took a bite of her food to make her point.

The next day was her father's birthday. The family was going to host a surprise party for him, and some of the family friends were going to show up. It was supposed to be fun, but that evening, as they were preparing the dinner, Izumi was starting to panic a little. _What will I eat? How can I avoid this without them getting suspicious?_ So she preoccupied herself with measuring everything out. At least it gave her _some_ sense of control.

Ursa noticed her anxiety and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I can deal with that, honey. Why don't you set the table instead?"

So she left to set the table, just as a few of the guests were trickling in. Toph and the girls arrived first. Seeing the two little girls made her happy, just for a little bit. Then there was Ty Lee and her family. Her son was ten years old and looked a lot like her. Then Izumi's parents came home, and everyone yelled, "Surprise!"

During the meal, she tried to laugh and joke along with the guests. But as she ate, she could feel the full feeling setting in. _Look what you've done now._ So she asked to be excused.

Mai was quite alarmed at this. "No, no, sit with us for a little bit."

She and Zuko tried to make conversation with her, maybe to take her mind off of how she was feeling. Just casual talk, about the heat, and how she was liking the beach. But she barely paid attention. Throughout it, she bounced her feet, bit her lip. Then she asked, "May I please leave the table?"

Zuko sighed. She _did_ look very distressed. "Alright, go ahead."

But while she was gone, he couldn't help but worry. Still, he tried to act like everything was normal. He made casual conversation with the guests, asking Suki how her friends back home were doing, Toph about her (rather demanding) job. Thankfully, things had calmed down in the city since Yakone was arrested the previous year, she said. However, Republic City was still somewhat...... seedy. "People joke that they're afraid to be there at night."

"Oh." Well, _that_ was a far cry from the city they'd founded. "Damn. That bad?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "Anyway, I've had enough work talk for today." After a bit, she said, "The pipes broke in our apartment two days ago."

 _Uh-oh,_ he thought.

Lin chimed in. "There was lots of nasty water, and it was really gross. They had to get everybody out of the building so they could clean it up."

Her mother nodded. "And that's, like, the tenth time this _month_."

"Oh. Yikes." He suspected that that particular time had to do with something other than just faulty plumbing, though.

"Yeah, and our sleazy landlord keeps lying about how he'll do something about the plumbing _momentarily_ _._ " She groaned. "I'm going to move us out of that shitty little apartment as soon as I can. It's no place to live."

Zuko's mind was somewhere else, though. _Izumi_ _'s been gone for a while._ He tapped his mother on the shoulder. "Could you go find Izumi for me?"

"Sure."

"And..... tell her I'm not going to make her eat or anything. I just want her to come back here."

She nodded, then got up.

As Izumi was splashing water on her bloodshot eyes, she heard a knock on the door. "Yes?"

"Izumi, you've been in here for a while and your dad's worried about you. Are you okay?" Grandma Ursa's voice.

It hurt to lie to her, but... "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

"And your dad told me to tell you he won't make you eat. He just wants you to come out of there. Are you almost done?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a second."

When she came back to the dinner table, she noticed her family was giving her the same concerned looks as the previous morning. So, to placate them, she had some cake, forcing herself to choke down each bite. And as she was eating, Aang and his family arrived. "Hey!"

The parents talked for a while, about how long it had taken them to get there, how they hadn't seen each other in so long, et cetera.

Kya was glad to see her friend again. But she couldn't help but notice how _sick_ she looked. She was smiling, but the smile didn't quite reach her eyes. Overall, she seemed.... _sad_. And when they hugged, she could feel some of her bones. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, of course!" But she didn't sound sincere.

After the guests left, her father asked to talk to her. "There's something I want to show you."

"What is it, Dad?"

He led her to the bathroom and pointed to a splatter at the sink. _Fuck,_ she thought. Usually, she was good at cleaning up afterwards, but now.... "Where did this come from?"

The question came out more severe than intended, but it needed to be said, he thought. "I don't know," was her response.

For some reason, he could feel himself getting angry. "Don't lie to me, young lady."

"Young _lady_? I'm not a kid anymore, _Dad_. And I'm _not_ lying." She walked off.

As she left, he thought, _What was I thinking?_ For a moment there, he'd sounded like his _own_ father always did, right before the explosion started. And over something she couldn't control, too. _I have to talk to her. But I need to approach it in a different way._

As he lay in bed that night, he talked to Mai about it. "I just want to know what's going on with her."

"Well, I think we can piece it together, can we?"

"Yes, but..... I want to know how his happened. It was just so.... _abrupt,_ you know? A couple months ago, she was happy and healthy, and now...."

"I know." She sighed. "We just have to let her know that we understand, we're not going to judge her, and we're willing to help. Because now she really needs our help."

That night, Izumi thought, _I've got to stop._

As his daughter was asleep, Zuko went by her room, and saw her journal open at the foot of her bed. He knew he shouldn't do it, but he picked it up and flipped through it. He didn't want to read anything, just get a cursory look. Words, as well as pictures. Drawings of flowers, various food items. On one page, he saw the words, "What have I done to myself?" Then, "It's not about pleasure. It's just about getting drunk."

He put the book down, looked over at her, and sighed. What had happened to his little girl?


	16. Chapter 16

At this point, it had registered with Izumi that she'd have to go to inpatient soon. While she didn't like this truth, there was nothing she could do about it. So she tried to enjoy her time out here. One night, she and Rina joined a group of kids, played several rounds of kuai ball, and got drunk. She and Rina stayed out long after the other kids left, until four that morning. They made their way back to the house, exhausted and happy. 

She corresponded with friends, but there was not much to say. Wei expressed excitement at the prospect of meeting Izumi's parents. And Izumi was excited about introducing her to them. She hadn't told her she was royalty just yet, so she wanted to surprise her.

One night, she went to a carnival with Kya, Bumi, and Rina. They ended up dragging Tenzin with them, just because he wanted to go. Izumi thought it was cute, but his older siblings weren't happy about it.

Bumi was determined to finally try some of the spicy snacks the Fire Nation was known for. There was a stand selling deep-fried chili peppers, and when Rina ordered a large red one, he said, "I'll have what she's having!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Izumi. "Are you _sure_ about that?"

"Yeah, of course I'm sure! How bad can it be?"

" _Pretty_ bad if you're not used to it. It'll set your mouth on _fire_." She gestured in her cousin's direction. "She's used to it, but you on the other hand...."

"Whatever. I'm still going to try it."

She and Kya both laughed. "Okay."

He took one bite into the pepper and turned bright red. "Oh, shit."

Kya couldn't help but laugh at that. "Didn't she tell you?"

"C-can I have that water?"

He was about to have a sip of Kya's water when Izumi and Rina both yelled, "No, no, that makes it worse!"

After the carnival (and bringing Tenzin back to his parents, because it was past his bedtime), they decided to play Truth or Dare on the beach. At first, it was pretty tame. Then it was Izumi's turn. "Truth or dare?" asked Rina.

"Truth." She didn't want to know what her cousin was going to make her do.

"What's your deepest, darkest secret?" She grinned devilishly. "Something your _dad_ doesn't even know about?"

 _Thanks a_ lot, _Rina._ Izumi took a deep breath, then said, "Okay, I'll tell you if you promise you won't tell anybody."

They all nodded, and she explained. "When I was eleven, I'd go to my aunt's house a lot, and..... her boyfriend touched me a few times."

There was a heavy silence. Then Kya said, "You should tell your dad."

She turned bright red. " _Hell_ no."

"Your dad's the Fire Lord! He could punish the guy however he wanted," said Bumi. "Get him executed, maybe."

Izumi couldn't help but crack a small smile. "I don't know, it just.... feels too private, that's all."

"Well, if you don't feel comfortable telling your dad, maybe you could tell my mom?" suggested Rina. "She's really good at keeping secrets."

"I could, but.... I don't know how she'll react."

"I'm sure she'll understand."

So the next morning, Izumi told her aunt she had something important to tell her about. "What is it?"

She explained, reluctantly, about what happened to her all those years ago. And as she talked about it, she felt like that little girl again, not knowing what was happening to her or why. Despite her best efforts, she was crying.

Azula pulled her into a hug, which was rare for her. "It's okay," she whispered.

Then, once her niece had stopped crying, she said, "I figured something like that had happened. That's why I broke up with him." 

It felt good, having told her. And when she joined Rina in the living room, she asked how it had gone. "It was.... well, it wasn't pleasant reliving that, but..... it felt good to tell her."

"Yeah." She smiled sympathetically. "She understands."

"She does? How?"

"Okay, you can't tell her I told you this, but...." She sighed. "When she was a kid, her dad did that stuff to her. For five years."

 _What?_ "Wow, I.... didn't know that."

"Yeah, she doesn't tell a whole lot of people."

The next day, the family wanted to see the Ember Island Players. But by the time they were about to leave, Izumi was feeling too miserable to go. She didn't know why, but she'd woken up feeling disgusting, and she really didn't want to go out. So they left without her.

While she was in the house alone, she tried to fight the urge. For the past few days, she'd been good about not binging and purging. But she knew full well that the more she tried to fight it, the stronger the urge was.

Zuko could barely pay attention to the play. It was "Love Amongst the Dragons", and as always, it was truly terrible. And besides, he was worried about his daughter and what she might be doing at the house alone.... "Mom?"

Ursa turned around. "Yes?"

"I'm going to get something. I'll be right back."

She knew the real reason he was going back, though, and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's alright, Zuko."

When he arrived at the house, he couldn't see her. _Oh, no._ He walked towards the bathroom and sat outside it. He just knew she was in there.

Izumi must not have heard her father coming home, but when she walked out of the bathroom, she saw him sitting outside it. And she just couldn't take it. She burst into tears. "Honey...." he began.

" _Fuck_ you! What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well, I'm _not_! And I don't know if I ever _will_ be!" She tried to formulate her next sentence. "This is humiliating enough without you being here!"

It hurt him to see her like this. "Izumi, I know you're embarrassed. But I just want you to know that I love you and I want to help you."

She saw the sincere expression on his face and calmed down a bit. She sat down next to him. "I didn't want to admit this was going on. I thought when you pointed out the splatter, I could stop, but I can't and I don't know what to do."

For a while, he didn't say anything else, just held her. Then he said, "Come on, why don't we go for a walk? Maybe it'll clear our heads."

She nodded. "Okay."

So they went for a walk on the beach. And for the longest time, they didn't say anything. But after a few minutes, she said, "I don't want to be like this forever."

"I know you don't. And you don't have to."

"Well, at this rate, I don't know anymore." She chuckled. "You know, it's weird that I feel like this because at the same time, I.... don't want to get better. It feels like abandoning something familiar."

They had a good heart-to-heart that day. She told him about a lot of things, ranging from her new girlfriend to how low she felt. But on the way back to the house, she started to feel woozy. Her chest was starting to hurt a little. Oh, no. "Dad?"

He turned around to see her holding her chest. "Yes?"

"I feel like I'm going to pass out."

"Well, why don't we sit down?"

So they found a place to sit. Then, when she was feeling better, they kept walking. But once they were inside, everything went black. It wasn't like usual, when she'd see the ground coming up to meet her. This time, she didn't even register that she'd fallen.

Zuko gasped and clapped a hand over his mouth as she seized. But he reminded himself to stay calm. _I just need to get her to the hospital._

At the hospital, the doctors, after hooking her up to an IV, explained that she was severely dehydrated. "It's a good thing she's still alive."

A bit later, they called Dr. Liu, telling him about this. His response was, "Bring her back here _as soon as possible_ _._ "

Izumi woke up, still feeling a bit dizzy. The hospital. _Goddamn it._ Her parents were sitting by her side.

At this point, Mai felt she needed to give her a serious talking-to. "Izumi," she said. "You went into a seizure."

"Oh..... really?"

She nodded. "The doctors said you could have died." She shifted a bit in her seat. "You _have_ to go to inpatient now. Please. Promise us you will."

Izumi groaned. "I will."

In the morning, her condition was declared stable enough for her to leave, so she packed her things, said goodbye to her cousins and grandparents, and got on the boat back home.

She had yet another appointment with Dr. Liu that day, but she didn't need him to tell her how messed up she was. She already knew. At the end of their appointment, he sighed and said, "I think you already know this, but we have to admit you. It's clear you need a higher level of treatment."

She knew this was coming, but she wasn't happy about it. On the way back, she and her father got into a fight. "I don't _need_ inpatient," she snapped. She knew it was a lie, but maybe, just maybe it would convince him. "And besides, the year starts in two weeks. I've already missed a lot of school."

"Yes, you do. Besides, you promised. You almost died."

"I only said I would so you'd get off my ass about it!"

She packed her bag once again that night, and the next day, in the waiting room, she started to cry. _I just want everything to be normal._

Zuko didn't know how to feel about this. He wanted her to get better. But he'd be putting her in what was basically a mental hospital for a couple months, maybe longer. He hugged her goodbye, and she cried even harder. "I know this is hard. But you have to do it." He kissed her forehead. "I love you."

But as soon as he got home, he was crying, too.


	17. Chapter 17

Her roommates at this place were a small, quiet girl and a girl who looked to be about Izumi's age. The latter was much more talkative and friendly. "My name's Bao," she said. She chuckled a little bit. "It's kind of crazy, rooming with _the_ princess."

"Well, hey, it's the capital. It wouldn't be unlikely."

"You're right."

"How long have you been here?"

"Two weeks."

"Oh, Agni. Two _weeks_? I don't know if I can handle _that_ , even."

"You get used to it after a while, don't worry." She pointed to the other girl. "Luzen here arrived two days ago. She's still finding her feet, but she seems to have settled in a little bit."

She nodded. "So, where are you from?"

"I grew up in Hira'a, but I moved here when I was fourteen."

"My grandmother's from Hira'a."

Bao nodded. "The queen mother? She helps out at the theater still. I met her once. She's really nice."

She swallowed hard as she thought of her grandmother and how much she was probably disappointing her right now. "Yeah."

Meals were hell. If she spent even a second too long cutting up her food, the nurses would reprimand her, saying, "That's a _behavior_."

The first day, the nurse supervising her table had to prompt her to start eating. "I'd make a start if I were you."

"I'm not a fucking kid. You can't treat me like one."

"Watch your mouth."

Once the meal was over, she and a few others had to stay at the table, and the nurse gave them a nutrition drink Izumi found utterly vile. "This is bullshit! How do you know how much to give me?"

"Izumi, can you please make an effort to control your language?"

After a while, she started to settle into the routine a little bit. Weigh-ins facing away from the scale. Meals. Group therapy. Nutrition classes. She was actually shocked to find that she and Bao were the oldest patients there. Most of the others were in their mid-teens.

Her parents visited after she'd been there for about a week. Zuko hadn't been sure if he was ready to go and see her in this place, but he reminded himself that he had to.

Izumi wasn't too happy to see her parents. She was still mad at them for sending her here. They tried asking her questions, but her responses were terse and snappish. "Well," said her father. "You seem better already."

She rolled her eyes. "Mmm-hmm."

"I know you're upset. But it'll be worth it."

"Yeah, right."

Later that afternoon, she got another visit. It was Kuzon! They hadn't seen each other in a while, and their last correspondence had been three days before she left Ember Island. "How did you know I was here?"

"You hadn't been answering my letters for a while, and I got worried. Then I called your house in Ember Island, and your grandmother answered." He sighed, remembering how the woman had started crying as she explained the situation. "She told me everything. She was.... _very_ upset."

She gulped. "I can imagine."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shrugged. "I was embarrassed, I guess. And of course, I didn't expect you to find out this way."

As they spoke that afternoon, he told her, with a bit of reluctance, that his youngest sister was going through a similar thing. Their mother didn't suspect anything for the longest time. "She's been in inpatient for a couple months now. I hope it works. I really wouldn't want her to be like me."

"Wait a minute....."

He nodded. "I had it, too."

"Well, are you better?"

"For the most part, yes."

She sighed. "If I'm honest with you, I don't know if I _want_ to get better."

"I understand. But you have to at least try. I'm sure you know that this is no way to live."

"Right, it's not. It sucks. But here's the thing, I kind of like it. Even if it sucks."

For a while, they didn't say anything else. Then she broke the silence by saying, "I fucking hate this place."

He gave her a small smile. "It's the food, isn't it? It's terrible, right?"

".... yeah."

"It's crazy, because they're always telling you, 'You need to eat', but you know, maybe we'd _eat_ if the _food_ was better!"

She laughed. "You're right."

"Oh, and the _rules_! They're just ridiculous!"

"Don't get me _started_." She cleared her throat and did her best imitation of the nurses. "'Keep your hands on the table.' 'Rotate your food.' 'Stop shaking your leg, you could be trying to burn calories!' 'No cutting up your food like that.'" She rolled her eyes.

"That last one, though." He shook his head at the memory. "Or, 'eat faster!' 'Eat slower!' Like, which is it? Pick one!"

They both had a good laugh over that one. "Thank you. I needed that."

"No problem. Laughter is good." As he got up to leave, he said, "Good luck. It's going to be difficult, but you can do it."

Wei visited a week later. They hardly said anything to each other. And while they were together, it occurred to Izumi that _maybe she'd been seeing someone else._ And, remembering that she hadn't answered any of her letters over the last two weeks, she felt stupid for not realizing it earlier. "So.... why haven't you written?"

"Well...." Her eyes were darting. "I've been busy with work."

"You don't _work_." She glared at her.

"Oh, you didn't know? I got a new job."

She sighed. This wasn't going anywhere, so she had to change tactics. "Look, Wei, if you're seeing somebody else, just be honest with me."

"Baby, of course I'm not. Why would you think that?"

"Don't lie to me! Why _else_ wouldn't you have written?"

Wei looked at the floor. They both knew it was true. Despite her best efforts, Izumi was crying. Then she laughed a little through her tears. "And to believe I was going to introduce you to my parents."

"Izumi, I swear, it was...."

"Just..... just go."

After her (now ex) girlfriend left, her parents showed up. "Hey, what's the matter? You look like you've been crying," said her mother.

"Oh..... my girlfriend just came by here, and.... she's been cheating on me." She shrugged. _Should have expected that._

"I'm sorry, honey. I would have liked to meet her," said her father.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you would."

That night, she couldn't help thinking about Wei and this other girl, whoever she was. Was she better than her? How long had they been together? She just couldn't stand the thought of a girl who wasn't worth the ground Wei walked on being the object of her affection. She felt so..... _betrayed._ Things she had thought were just between them were shared with somebody else. Did all the time they spent together, all the dates, all the kisses mean nothing to her? And had Wei met this _other_ girl's parents?

She turned over in her bed, obsessing over this, trying to see if the signs were there earlier in their relationship. Then a troubling thought crossed her mind. _What if_ I'm _the sidepiece?_

* * *

She left the clinic after being there for a month, on grounds of noncompliance and her vitals had stabilized. When her parents came to get her, they didn't look too happy. They didn't talk the entire way home.

Zuko didn't know what to say to her. She'd gained a bit of weight, but she still didn't look healthy. And that morning, she seemed very..... _subdued_. She wouldn't talk, she went with everything calmly and indifferently.

While she was away, he and Mai had taken the locks off the bathroom doors. They figured it was a necessary measure. And if she went to the bathroom, one of them would escort her. She'd check in with the doctor every week, as long as was necessary. He informed her of these stipulations when they were at home. She simply nodded and said, "Okay."

For most of the day, she just slept. She didn't have the energy to do anything. 

Over the next several days, she mostly slept. Once, she tried to eat dinner with her family, but she barely had it in her to pick up her chopsticks. There were a couple days where she was able to eat, but it wasn't much. One day, when she had the energy to write, she wrote in her journal, "I wish I'd never gone on that stupid diet."

Oftentimes, Zuko would feel the need to go into her room and put a mirror up to her nose to make sure she was still breathing. Every time he went in there, he'd imagine that maybe the fog _wouldn't_ appear on the glass that time. Damn near worry himself sick thinking about that. But every time, the fog appeared, and he'd breathe a sigh of relief.

The day before her next weigh-in, she got drunk in her room. She hadn't had a drink in a while, and now seemed like the perfect time. When she stumbled downstairs, her parents regarded her with quite a bit of suspicion.

It was Mai who asked it. "Izumi, are you drunk?"

"No."

"You're staggering, and you seem dizzy. I think it's safe to assume you're lying."

Zuko sighed. She'd been drunk a lot on Ember Island, after months of sobriety. "Izumi, can I talk to you for a bit?"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine."

So he pulled her aside. "I'm really worried about your drinking. You've been drunk a lot."

" _Relax._ I'm just having fun."

"I know you're young, and you want to have a little fun every now and then. But you've shown that you can't control yourself when you drink."

She remembered her drunken antics over the years and sighed, because she knew it was true. "I know."

"Look, I'm not judging you or anything. I just want you to be safe." He looked down, then back at her. _Should I tell her?_ "You know, when I became Fire Lord...... I was young, younger than you. Over time, the pressure got to me, and I stopped sleeping, stopped eating. And one night, I got the idea that maybe if I had a few drinks, I'd sleep better. At first, it was occasional, but then it became a habit. You think you can do a little, but it spirals, trust me." He shook his head at the memory. "Thankfully, I was able to stop doing that before it got out of control. But it's like I've been saying. You really have to be careful with that stuff. Especially considering your.... _issues_."

That night, she ate. A pretty large amount of food, too. _Maybe I can gain enough weight to keep me out of inpatient._ But a little bit before going to bed, she threw up. _What the hell was I thinking?_

Even before Dr. Liu told her, she knew she was going back to inpatient. He sighed and told her she'd lost a strange amount of weight in a _week._ "I think you know what this means."

She nodded. "I'm going back to inpatient, aren't I?"

"Yes."

So her mother called her father to tell him. Izumi listened in on their conversation, and she could hear her say, "Oh, please don't cry. She'll be fine. Just..... stay calm, please, Zuko. For me?"

Then she remembered. _Mom's birthday's coming up soon. I'm going to miss it._ And another thought crossed her mind. _I have never seen Dad cry. Ever._


	18. Chapter 18

She got a new room this time, with a girl named Mira. She was seventeen years old and a bit small for her age. That morning, she wore pajamas and was just casually sitting on her bed. Upon seeing who she was rooming with, she raised her eyebrows. _The_ princess Izumi. She'd seen her picture in newspapers, but hadn't seen her in person before. "Hello."

"Hello."

They didn't really talk much after that. And at lunch, Izumi simply stared at her food. Her old roommate, Luzen, sat across from her. "You were eating fine just last week. What's the issue?"

She didn't answer. And she didn't object when she had to stay at the table. One of the nurses was actually a bit surprised. "What happened?" she said. "You didn't swear even once."

After about two days, Mira began to get a bit annoyed with her. "You need to eat."

Izumi rolled her eyes. "Not as much as they're giving us."

"That's what you think."

"Oh, please, I'm not like you. I don't pass out every two seconds. I don't _need_ to be here."

The other girl started to cry. Because she was so cute and small, making this girl cry was almost like hurting a baby turtleduck. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that......"

"No, no. The thing about me passing out every two seconds.... that's true. But you _do_ need to be here. If you don't get help, you _will_ end up like me." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "This isn't my first time at a place like this, and I don't think it'll be my last. And who knows, maybe I'll be like this forever. But you don't have to."

Wow. She didn't realize this girl cared about her that much. And that day, she thought about all this. _Maybe I_ should _just commit to getting better. Even if it's hard._ _I don't want to be in and out of treatment forever._ So, before going to bed, she wrote about this conversation in her journal, then wrote, "I got myself into this mess, and now I'm going to get myself out of it."

The first few weeks were difficult. It was a struggle, to get herself to eat. But once again, she had to remind herself that it was for her own good, that it would be worth it if she could get her life back.

In group therapy, she started to open up more. At one session, one of the other patients recounted a rather creepy experience she'd had with an adult man. The therapist leading it nodded and said, "How many of you have experienced something similar?"

Most of the girls raised their hands, and Izumi figured she might, too. She still wasn't ready to talk about it just yet, but at least she could acknowledge that it had happened. Then the therapist addressed that other girl. "You're not alone."

In the sessions, she would share more about her feelings. For years, she'd been used to bottling them up, but it felt better to talk about them.

She and Mira grew closer. They'd spend their free time chatting. Mira would ask what college and adult life were like. Eventually, one night, she ended up telling her about her family. It was just her and her father, because her mother had died when she was four. Apparently, she'd been murdered. "Everybody thought my dad did it."

 _Yikes._ "Well, did he?"

"He was found not guilty, but...." She sighed. "I don't know _what_ to believe. I mean, he's an asshole. And a special kind, too. He has a way of manipulating people."

"Wow, I'm so sorry."

Mira went on to talk about the things he did to make himself look good, like getting his daughter a modeling career. "He made me go on these diets so I could land more jobs. Once, when I was twelve, I passed out at school and told the nurse that he wasn't letting me eat enough. But of course, when she confronted my dad about it, he denied _everything_."

"And nobody did anything after that?"

"Nope." After a pause, she said, "You want to know something? When I developed an eating disorder, he acted like it was _my_ fault." She chuckled a little. "He spent years telling me I wasn't skinny enough, but when I got _too_ skinny, it was all, 'Why are you starving yourself?' I mean, whatever. I'm just glad I can be away from him next year."

Suddenly, Izumi got an idea. "You know, you don't _have_ to stay with him for another year. I mean, as you know, my father's the Fire Lord. If I tell him about this, he could pull some strings to get you out of that house. Who knows, maybe you could even live with us."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Yeah, of course."

The younger girl pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you so much!"

Zuko and Mai made sure to visit each week. And they could see that she was improving. She was starting to look better, and she seemed happier. She talked about her roommate, how she was looking forward to being back at school. And they'd listen intently, just glad she was finally happy about something.

There was one time when she introduced them to some of the other patients. It looked like she was making friends quickly. They saw how attentive she was to them, telling one girl to be careful when getting up because she didn't want her passing out, and another who was nervous about eating at home that she would do great.

One afternoon, she told them about Mira's father. As Zuko was listening to this, he was reminded of his own father and how cold and calculating he was. He could feel himself getting angry. Who would do that to a child? "That's awful. She shouldn't have to live with him if she doesn't want to."

"Yeah, which is why I was thinking..... do you think we could let her live with us?"

"Well, I think we could do that." He looked towards Mai. "What about you?"

She nodded. "Oh, absolutely."

After staying for a total of two months, Izumi left the facility. She said goodbye to all the friends she'd made there, hugging them and wishing them luck in their recovery. And when she got to Mira, she said, "Take care, and I'll see you in a few months."

"Yeah." Right before she left, she warned, "I've got three months left in my treatment. I'd _better_ not see you here again!"

"Don't worry, you won't."

And as she left with her family, she thought, _I'm ready._


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut here.

Her parents suggested that she rest up at home for a while before going back to college. "I've already missed a _lot_ of school," she groaned.

"I know," said her mother. "But it'll just be for a couple weeks."

Izumi actually liked having some extra time to relax. Going for walks in the city, catching up with friends. Rina hugged her upon seeing her. And it was nice to see Hana, Emi, and Bai again.

When it was time to leave, she said goodbye to everyone, once again. Now it was time to go out and face life, for real this time.

When she returned to school, there were two months left in the semester, so she had a little bit of trouble keeping up. But eventually, with some tutoring and extra practice, she was able to catch up to her classmates.

One day, after her classes, she decided to visit Zhi. They hadn't seen each other in a while, not since that time her friends had come out from Republic City to visit her a month earlier. So they met at a local cafe. "Well," he said. "It's good to see you again."

"Yeah."

"So, how are things?"

"So far, so good. I mean, school's a little hard, but that's kind of a given." She sighed. "I didn't tell you this, but.... I had to end things with my last girlfriend. She was cheating on me."

"Oh, that's awful. I'm sorry." He paused. "You said 'girlfriend'..... do you like girls?"

She shrugged. "I like girls, I like guys." That was all there was to it.

"Oh, so you're bisexual?"

She hadn't heard the term before. "What?"

"Bisexual. It's when you love both men and women."

"Well, then, yeah, I'm bisexual." She giggled. "You learn something new every day."

After a bit, he asked, "So, are you excited about your new sister?" She'd told him about Mira the last time they saw each other.

"Yeah. I can't wait until she's living with us!"

She found out that Zhi had broken things off with his girlfriend, as well. "So now she's..... home, and I have the apartment to myself. Feels kind of weird, actually."

"Yeah, I can imagine." She shifted a little in her seat. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you break up?"

"We both decided we needed some time apart, that's all."

Once they were finished eating, they went for a walk in the park. The air was getting colder, the sun beginning to set already. Late autumn. Izumi loved this time of year. A sort of calm seemed to settle over everything.

Zhi couldn't help but feast his eyes on her. Damn, she was beautiful. He observed every mannerism of hers, every giggle, every smile. At one point, she licked her lips after biting into an apple, and he found it surprisingly sexy. Uh-oh. _Am I into her again?_ Fuck, this was his ex..... _Oh, I'll get over it soon enough_ _._

"Hey," she said. _Goddamn it._ _Even the way she turns her_ head _is cute._

"Y-yeah?"

"Do you think you could show me your apartment?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, sure."

So he walked her over to his building, which was a few blocks away. His apartment was on the third floor, so they took the elevator. While they were in the elevator, despite his best efforts, he imagined pinning her against the wall, pulling down her legging, and fucking her. Hard. He could almost see her flushed face and hear her breathy little moans..... there was the elevator bell.

When they walked into his apartment, he sheepishly apologized for the size. "I'm sure you're used to more..... _luxurious_ spaces."

"Oh, it's alright. I don't really care." 

What followed was a few minutes of him showing her around. "It's nice," she said.

"Thank you."

She sat down on the couch, not really wanting to go home. She figured she could stay a while, anyway. He joined her, and they sat together for a while, not saying anything. Then he turned to her, thinking, _I have to kiss her._ But would it be appropriate? After all, they hadn't been..... romantically involved in more than a year.

Tentatively, he put an arm around her. She didn't move it away, so he continued. He pulled her towards him, then leaned in for a kiss. _Come on....._

Oh, wow! He was about to kiss her! It had been a while since she'd been kissed.... She came in to meet him. Just then, he started kissing her harder. _Whoa._ She quite liked this, she realized. And when he pushed her back onto the couch, she gasped. _This is really happening._

He could feel himself starting to get hard. _Should I do it?_ He pulled away and whispered, "Why don't we finish this in my room?"

So he led her to his room, and they picked up where they'd left off. Feeling his body on hers, she realized she'd forgotten how much she needed this. She ran her hands over his hair, his shoulders, his back. The feeling of his mouth on her neck was enough to give her chills.

It was a matter of time before they were both completely undressed. The sight of her naked made him want her even more. _So fucking hot._ He wrapped her legs around his waist, then pushed in.

It felt like a fire had been lit inside her. As he pounded into her, she dug her nails into his back. She didn't know what came over her, but right now, she felt.... _wild._ It was as if he'd unleashed something in her, something fierce, primal. The sound of her moans filled the air.

She could feel the pleasure start to build in her body. Her words were rushed as she said, "Don't stop, don't stop, I'm about to...." She shuddered and cried out as she came.

Zhi couldn't take it anymore. He flooded her almost immediately, gasping and panting.

What the hell had they just done? Izumi was shocked at herself. No. No. They couldn't do that again. It was spectacular, but there was still something off about it. She couldn't quite pinpoint what it was.

As she got out of bed and put her clothes back on, she thought back to what they'd just done. _The whole building probably heard us._ She looked in the mirror and saw dark marks on her neck. _I have so many fucking hickeys, too._ Whatever. She could cover them up later. She looked over at Zhi, feeling rather embarrassed. "Um, Zhi?" she said.

"Yes?"

"Look, I like you, but.... not like that."

He scratched the back of his neck. "I know. I feel the same." He gave her an awkward smile. "So.... we act like this didn't happen?"

"Yeah, pretty much." She put her glasses and shoes on. "Well, goodbye. I'll see you around."

"Yeah, see you around."

When she took the streetcar back to her apartment, it was pitch-black out. And when she turned her key in the door, the apartment was dark, too. Her roommates were asleep. _Oh, thank the stars._ Sneaking into the bathroom, she covered her hickeys with makeup. _Nobody will know about tonight._


	20. Chapter 20

Finals week rolled around. This time, there were no all-nighters. For once, she made sure to manage her time so she could eat, sleep, _and_ study sufficiently.

She was in contact with her family from time to time. Towards the end of that week, her mother called her and informed her of Mira's arrival. "She looks a lot better. You should see her."

"I can't wait to see her. How have the last few hours with her been?"

"She's still getting over the fact that she gets to live with us, which is understandable. I can't count how many times I've heard her say 'holy shit'." She paused. "She still swears less than you, though."

Izumi rolled her eyes. "Ha ha."

"Really, though, she's looking forward to seeing you. And so are the rest of us."

"Well, I'll see all of you in a couple days."

She was still recovering physically, and the process wasn't exactly easy. There was lots of bloating. She'd find herself sweating at random times, especially at night. She was nearly always hungry. And there were still some things she couldn't eat without feeling sick. Still, she reminded herself that she had to go through it, even the ugly parts. She knew they would pass, and besides, it was better than the alternative.

She came home at the end of the week, and Mira greeted her excitedly. She _did_ look better, it was true. She seemed more energetic, too. "Well, are you liking your new home?"

"Yeah, it's great!" Mira hugged her. "Really, thank you so much for letting me stay here!"

"No problem."

That evening, the family ate together. Unfortunately, the food was a little richer than Izumi was used to eating. After dinner, she had to lie down on the couch for a bit.

Mai couldn't help but think something was off. She knew she shouldn't worry about her because she had a good head on her shoulders. But still, something seemed amiss. So she went over to talk to her daughter. "Hey."

"Hey, Mom."

"So, how are you feeling these days?"

Izumi sat up a bit. "Honestly? It's been up and down."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well.... I get really hot sometimes for no clear reason. And there are days when I'm super bloated, which.... isn't pleasant. Sometimes, I still get that nagging thought at the back of my mind, telling me, _You're getting_ _fat_ , even though I know it's not true. And also, there's...... _this._ I'm still not totally used to eating certain things, so a lot of times, I'll get nauseous."

"Hmmm.... so this happens a lot?"

"Yep. It usually passes, though. And I'm trying to tell myself that I have to fight through all the unpleasant stuff."

Mai was thinking about something else, though. Some of the symptoms she'd described.... she remembered those from the early stages of her pregnancy. Could her daughter be pregnant? So, when she was certain Zuko was out of earshot, she asked it. "Have you had sex recently?"

Izumi blushed, remembering the encounter with Zhi. "Mom!"

"Just answer the question."

"N-no...."

Mai could tell she wasn't telling the truth. "Tell me the truth. Have you had sex recently?"

"Okay, fine, yes. It was just once."

"When?"

"About a month ago. Why do you...." Then it dawned on her. _Fuck._ "Mom, you don't think I'm pregnant, do you?"

"Well.... you had sex a month ago, and you're nauseated a lot. It's safe to assume you might be." She paused. "Who was it, anyway?"

Izumi groaned. "Zhi." Was she really pregnant with his baby? Fucking hell.

 _What?_ This was _crazy_. "Zhi? As in your ex-boyfriend?"

"Y-yeah." She cringed a little. "It wasn't my best moment."

"Izumi..." She sighed. "For once, I really don't know how we're going to handle this. I mean, you know we're not going to judge you, but the public won't react well to the crown princess being pregnant out of wedlock."

"I know."

"Well, hey, we can't know for sure yet. But let's go to the doctor tomorrow just in case."

"Okay, then."

That night, she talked about this with Mira. "Mom thinks I might be pregnant."

" _What_?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't think I am. But she still thinks I should get tested." She sighed. "Whatever. Just don't tell Dad about this. He'll make a huge deal out of it."

"Oh, don't worry, I won't." She sat up a little bit. "So, what's sex like, anyway?"

"Um..... well, it depends. Sometimes, it's really fun, but there are times when it's awkward. I mean, it can be both awkward and fun, but sometimes, it's just straight-up bad. Like, 'you-know-what-just-stop-it's-not-going-to-fit' bad."

Both girls laughed. "Does the first time hurt?"

"Well, mine didn't. I guess it's different for everybody."

She sat in the physician's office the next morning, starting to worry a little. What if she _was_ pregnant? The idea made her skin crawl. Her mind raced as she went through every little abnormality she'd experienced over the past two months. _I was spotting a month ago, but I don't have a heavy flow, so I thought it was my period....._ Things like that. _Damn it, I miss when I didn't have to worry about that!_

As she swung her legs, she pondered what she would do if she was actually pregnant. How would she continue with school? How would she cover it up? It would cause a scandal! Besides, she wasn't ready to be a mother right now.... Just then, the physician walked in. "So.... your mother wanted me to do a pregnancy test, correct?"

She nodded, and he handed her a cup. "Alright then, you know what to do from here."

She and her mother waited nervously for him to come back with the test results. _Come on....._ If she was pregnant, who would she tell? How would she raise the baby? After what was probably the longest fifteen minutes of her life, she heard footsteps and looked up. It was the doctor, back with the results. "It's negative."

 _Oh, thank the stars._ "Thank you so much." She sighed with relief. "And just to be clear, you won't tell my father about this whole thing, right?"

"I won't."

"Thank you."

As they left, she felt something dripping. And when she saw what it was at home, she breathed yet another sigh of relief. Everything was normal, for once.


	21. Chapter 21

Around this time, Mira had been applying to colleges. She was a smart girl who almost always excelled in school, so her hopes were pretty high. School had always been her escape. When her father told her she wasn't good enough, she'd know that he was wrong because her report card said otherwise. And besides, she had her friends, and the school nurse, who actually cared about her health. That is, until she pushed them away.

The first place she heard back from was the university of Ba Sing Se. Her top choice. When Izumi saw the envelope in the mail, she smiled. "Mira, you've got a letter!"

Mira ran over, not sure what it could be. But when she saw the fancy gold calligraphy, she gasped. What was in this envelope could make or break her future. "Give me that!" And she raced to the living room, eager to open it and get it over with.

"Wait, wait, wait. Let me get Mom and Dad."

So she got her parents, and they sat in the living room as Mira opened the envelope. She pulled the letter out and unfolded it. _This is_ _scary_.....

"Well?" said Zuko. "What does it say?"

She could hardly contain her excitement as she read it. "'We are glad to inform you that you have been accepted into the fall class of.....'"

She didn't even need to say the rest. The parents clapped, and Izumi hugged her. "I'm so proud of you!"

The family hosted a party, both to welcome the new year and to celebrate Mira's acceptance into her top school. This would also be an opportunity for her to get to know the rest of her new family.

Azula was the first to meet this girl. After they were introduced, she offered a stiff "Hello", in her usual manner. Rina saw the expression on Mira's face and, when her mother was out of earshot, said, "Oh, don't worry. That's just how my mom is with new people."

"Well, I heard that she was kind of scary."

"She can seem scary on the outside, but once you get to know her, she's okay."

The two got to know each other that evening. Izumi walked by Mira's room and could hear them talking. "So you used to be a model?"

"Yeah. It's not as glamorous as it sounds, trust me."

She walked in and sat on the bed next to them. "Are you two getting along okay?"

"Yep," said Rina.

And for a while, they talked, painted their nails. Then at dinner, over an extravagant feast, Mira was introduced to the family friends. "We're all part of the family, in a way," said Aang.

"Yeah, we're like one big crazy family," laughed Kya. "Even if we don't always get along."

Just like he did with Izumi, Zuko made a toast. "To Mira, to the new year, to new beginnings!"

That night, they went outside, and Izumi and Zuko set off firecrackers (much to Toph's annoyance). They'd been doing this for years, but the whole thing still made Mai nervous, every year. She just gritted her teeth and hoped they didn't get hurt. But luckily, the fireworks went off without a hitch, and everyone just sat back and watched the colors. 

Zuko insisted everyone pose for a picture inside. It was a bit difficult, trying to get everyone in order (who was short enough to be in the front?) and keep the little ones still, but the photographer managed to take the picture.

At around eleven-thirty, Mira flopped down on the couch next to Izumi and said, "Tonight was the most fun I've had in a while."

"Well," said Rina, her voice dropping to a whisper. "You're about to have even more." She motioned for them to come outside with her, so they followed her outside. 

"What are we going to do?" asked Mira.

Rina reached into her pocket and pulled out a small bag. Izumi gasped. _How did she get_ _weed?_ "Where the hell did you get that?"

She shrugged. "School."

Izumi did it occasionally (well, perhaps _more_ than occasionally), even if it wasn't the best for her lungs, but she could almost never find it here in the capital. So she didn't really believe Rina. " _School._ Right."

Her cousin proceeded to roll joints for the three of them, then turned to Mira. "Have you ever smoked?"

"No."

"Well, then, I suppose I should teach you."

So she spent the next several minutes teaching her how to smoke. With the first drag, Mira coughed. "Careful," warned the older girl. "Do you want some water?"

"Yes" -cough-"please".

Feeling better, she decided to try again. It wasn't quite what she expected. For a while, she didn't really feel anything. _Am I doing this wrong or...._ "Did I do it wrong or something? I don't feel anything."

But after about ten minutes, she started to feel giddy. She found herself laughing for reasons she didn't know. "Oh. The giggles," said Izumi. "I get those, too."

When the girls went back inside, they made sure to splash water on their eyes, then got themselves some leftovers from the table. "Being high feels _great_ ," said Mira.

"Glad you did it?" asked Rina.

"Yeah."

* * *

Despite the fun times, though, both Mira and Izumi still had their bad days. For example, on Mira's birthday that spring, Izumi called her to tell her happy birthday. Then Mira said, "You know, I don't really expect much from my dad. He'll probably send me a card, but I don't think he'll give me a gift or anything."

Then that night, she called again, crying. "Hey. Mira. What's the matter?"

She took a deep breath. "He didn't send me _anything_. What did I expect?"

"Mira...." She had no idea what to say. "I'm so sorry."

"I know I should have expected that, but...... I guess that really cements it. He doesn't give a shit about me. Never has, never will." She started crying again.

Izumi thought for a bit. _What would reassure her?_ "Even if he doesn't care about you..... we do. And I want you to know that there are people out there who care about you. And..... we're always there if you need anything."

"Thank you. I needed to hear that."

"Well, aside from that..... how was your day?"

"It was pretty good. I had cake, presents. Mom gave me a cute bracelet." 

"Already calling her Mom, huh?"

She laughed a little. "Yeah. And..... _Dad_ gave me a hug when I started getting sad." She sighed. "Anyways, birthdays usually suck for me, so.... today was actually pretty great considering."

"Why do they suck?"

"Well, for starters, I found my mom in a pool of blood _on my birthday._ So there's that. And also, while I was modeling, my dad wouldn't let me have sweets anyway, birthday or no." She paused. "You know, actually, I think today was the first time I had cake in years."

"Hey, that's big! You ate a fear food!"

"Yeah." After a bit, she said, "I'm glad we can help each other with this stuff."

"Me, too." 


	22. Chapter 22

Izumi enjoyed her last two years of college, despite the work it entailed. She'd had a few partners in those years, at one point even reconnecting with Kya, but for the most part, she didn't much focus on dating.

Zhi and his girlfriend got back together, which was to be expected. They hosted a going-away party the night before they were supposed to leave. Izumi didn't mind. They'd gotten back to the point where things weren't awkward between them anymore, and they could just be friends. 

In her final year of college, she had to start applying to law schools. She'd already taken the entrance exam that summer, in a room full of anxious college juniors like herself, and done quite well. She'd been an intern at a government office for a long time, and most of the people she worked with had gone to law school. And besides, there was just something so fascinating about law. There was a structure for everything.

She found that sometimes, she just couldn't keep up with the amount of work she had to do. Most nights, she'd have to stay up late doing it. So every night, she started taking these small white pills. She didn't know what was in them, but she knew they were supposed to help her focus, stay up for longer, feel more energized. But she also noticed another effect. When she took them, she'd go hours without needing to eat.

As the semester went on, she felt this indescribable emptiness. She'd been feeling it on and off for years. But now it was combined with a sort of..... disappointment. For some reason, she felt like she hadn't done enough in her twenty-one years. By the time her father was her age, he'd traveled (and helped save) the world, found his long-lost mother, _and_ he was a head of state! It wasn't like she was expecting to do _all_ that, but she was still disappointed in herself, feeling like she hadn't seized the moment enough.

Her entire family was present at her graduation. They all watched as she got her degree in political science. It had been a tumultuous four years, but they'd made it through. And afterwards, they posed for several pictures. For the time being, Izumi was happy. But some part of her still felt empty.

She was smiling, but her parents could tell something was off. She seemed exhausted and sad. She looked like she'd lost weight, once again. At home, her mother tried pulling her aside and expressing her worries. "You seem miserable. What's going on?"

"Nothing, Mom." She forced a smile. "I'm fine. I've just.... been in a bit of a slump, that's all."

"Have you talked about it with the counselor?"

"Yeah." It was only a half-lie. In her meetings with the counselor, she mentioned the pressure she'd been under, but she never mentioned the little white pills.

Mai scoffed a bit, unsatisfied with the answer. She thought there was more to it, but didn't press the issue any further.

The summer was quite eventful. Her father let her and Mira come with him to a summons in the South Pole. Izumi hadn't been there before, but Kya had told her lots about it. The strange weather pattern took some getting used to (how was it below freezing _in the summer_?), but while she was there, she was determined to experience everything the country had to offer. Trying new food, learning about the culture. Being out and about among people helped with the latter part.

The family went to Hira'a, too. Mira, who hadn't been there before, loved it. "This place is beautiful," she said one day at the swimming hole. "I could live here, maybe."

One day, curious, Izumi decided to ask her grandmother about her first marriage. She'd known that it had been forced, and that her grandfather (not that she wanted to give him the dignity of that title) was an evil person without a doubt. But she'd never asked Ursa what it had been like to be married to such a man. So, that afternoon, they sat on the porch, cold drinks in hand, and she asked it. "So.... what was your marriage like, to..... my grandfather?"

"You mean my ex-husband?"

"Yes."

She sighed. "Well.... it was difficult, to say the least. For starters, he wouldn't let me mention my family, or Hira'a, or anybody I knew here."

 _That's pretty extreme._ "But could you write to them?"

"I tried, at first. But then, after I didn't get any responses, I suspected that he was intercepting my letters. So, in order to test that, I wrote a letter to Ikem with a suggestion that he was Zuko's real father."

"And what did he do after that?"

"Well, a couple days later, I was getting ready when he barged in, grabbed my arm, and yelled at me. And then he told me he'd killed Ikem."

"That's awful!"

"Yes, it was, because at the time, I had no way of knowing if it was true." She shook her head. "You know, he used.... what I'd written as an excuse to treat your father the way he did. And, you know, at times, I still feel like I'm responsible for what happened to him."

"But it wasn't your fault, Grandma." She hugged her. "He was just plain mean."

The woman hugged her back. "Thank you, honey. I know that now, but.... I still wonder about that sometimes."

After a bit, she asked, "Did he.... did he hit you?"

"A few times, yes. It was always after he'd had some drinks, but never when people were around. He'd slam things around, and if I said something he didn't agree with, he'd hit me. And after that, I had to just.... cover my bruises and act like nothing happened." She sighed. "You know, when I think about this whole thing, I realize how.... _vulnerable_ I was. I was young. I was miles away from my family. Eventually, I found people to talk to, like my brother-in-law, but..... for the most part, I really was alone."

They just sat there, not saying anything. It certainly was a lot to take in. Then Izumi said, "Grandma, I'm so sorry. And... I didn't mean to pry, I just...."

"No, no, it's alright." She looked down. "It still hurts sometimes, but it's been long enough that I can deal with the hurt."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, my grandmother was actually in an abusive marriage, and I mostly based Ursa's characterization off of her.


	23. Chapter 23

Unfortunately, that summer was also when that nagging voice started to return, after being (mostly) dormant for almost two years. It told her, _You've let yourself go. And to believe you once had so much self-control._

The descent was slow enough not to be noticeable. At first, it was just slight manipulations to the eating habits. That feeling of routine and control came back. For a while, everything felt good.

Mira returned to school before anyone else did, so Izumi decided to go to the Earth Kingdom with her to see her off. And, of course, the girls would never pass up an opportunity to spend time with their great-uncle.

They had a week to spare before Mira started classes again, so they spent a considerable amount of time exploring the city. Every day was a new activity. In her first year of university, Mira had discovered quite a lot and was eager to show her sister. And if they ever got tired of walking around, there was always the Jasmine Dragon and a soothing pot of tea.

Despite the fun they were having, though, Mira noticed her sister was behaving strangely all of a sudden. In their hotel room, she'd find her up and about at strange hours of the night. She was irritable and snappish. And even more troubling, when they were out, she would sometimes refuse to eat. She tried getting Izumi to eat, knowing the signs all too well, and managed to negotiate an extra snack or two. But she was still uneasy.

When they said goodbye at the university, Mira hugged her and said, "Please take care of yourself."

"I will, don't worry."

Unsatisfied with this, she said, " _Promise_ me you'll eat, and eat enough. I need to hear you say it."

Izumi nodded gravely. "I promise I'll eat enough."

When she returned home, the rest of her family was starting to get suspicious. But she placated them by telling them that she'd just had a little slip-up, that she'd eat. And because she seemed to be doing alright by the time the summer ended, they backed off. For the time being.

By this point, she'd bought herself an apartment in closer proximity to her new school. So now she was living on her own. For real. It felt good, not to have any supervision.

That nagging voice was in full force now, berating her when she ate, congratulating her when she didn't. Besides, she had a lot of work now, what with law school and her job. At least, that was how she rationalized it to herself. But in the back of her mind, she knew what this really was. Her eating disorder had returned with a vengeance. 

Those little white pills increased her energy, but eventually, even the chemical energy from those would diminish, and she'd collapse on her bed, utterly spent. She needed them now, just to get through the day and go about her tasks. Even if they made her grind her teeth at night and bite her lips until they bled.

She wrote and called friends and family, as much as she could. She learned about their lives, how happy they were. Most of her friends had jobs they loved, and a few were engaged. And when the conversation turned to how _her_ life was going, she pretended like everything was fine, even when it wasn't.

Nobody saw her stumble into her apartment, piss drunk. Nobody saw her pace around her room at night, wired and frantic. Nobody saw the dead bits of hair that lingered around her apartment. Nobody saw how she shivered, no matter how high she turned the thermostat. Nobody heard her cry. And nobody knew just how far gone she was.


	24. Chapter 24

Soon, her coworkers started to express concern at her appearance. Her boss, a councilwoman, pulled her aside once and said she looked unhealthy. But when Izumi told them she'd been sick abroad and was "trying to gain", they didn't say anything more about it.

Meanwhile, at school, she was doing quite well. In fact, she was in the top ten percent! However, keeping her grades up meant pulling all-nighters, not eating, damn near destroying herself.

Towards the end of the semester, she got something in the mail. It had Zhi's address on it, so she figured it was yet another letter to which she'd have to respond with affected cheeriness. But she opened the envelope, and it was an invitation. To his wedding. _Oh, no. Everybody there will figure it out._

A few days later, she was studying when she heard a knock on the door. She hardly ever got visitors! Who could it be? She got up quickly and opened the door. "Well. Hello there, Kuzon."

"Hello." She was smiling, but she didn't look too well.... Deciding against mentioning it, he just walked inside.

They sat on the couch, and she asked, "What are you doing out _here_?"

"I was in the country visiting family and figured I might stop by."

"You have family here?"

"Yeah." He stretched out a bit. "It's an interesting story, actually. You know the colonials who got repatriated?"

She knew a lot of those people. In fact, when she was in school, their children were Aiko and Li's most frequent targets. "Why, yes, I do."

"Well, my father and his family were colonials. He and his parents moved back home, but everybody else chose to stay. And of course, my mother's family lives here, too."

She nodded. She'd met his parents before. "How does your father's family feel about your mother and.... the fact that you're sister's an earthbender?"

"It took them some getting used to, at first. In fact, when my parents got engaged, they were debating who was going to tell my great-grandparents that she was Earth Kingdom." He laughed and rolled his eyes a little. "Ridiculous."

"Wow, I feel bad for your mom."

"When we visit, we just try not to deal with them as much as possible." He chuckled to himself. "I love my cousins, but I've had more than my fair share of thinly veiled condescension for the next year or so."

After a bit, he asked, "So, what's up with you?"

"Nothing much. School, work, the usual." She sat up a little. "Hey, do you want to spar? We could go outside and do that now." They usually sparred when they hung out, with their hands or swords because Kuzon couldn't bend.

"Oh, no, I'm quite exhausted." _And besides, I really don't think you're in any shape to be sparring right now._

"Alright, then." She got up from the couch to grab herself a drink. "Do you want a drink?"

"No thank you."

In the living room, drink in hand, she started to speak just a little more frankly. "Finals week is coming up, _and_ I'm going to my ex's wedding the day after school lets out, so yeah. I _really_ need a drink in these times."

"Which ex?"

"The one I hooked up with." She took another sip. " _Sober_ , might I add."

After a bit, she said, "We've moved on from all that, but the memory is still really embarrassing."

As the night went on, she got drunker and drunker. Kuzon was quite concerned by this. "I'm going to cut you off. You've had a lot to drink, and I don't think you've eaten anything in a while."

"But I'm _fine_." Her words were slurred.

"No, you're not. You're very drunk." He took the bottle from her. "I'm going to get you some water. And I can get you something to eat, too."

He managed to get her to eat some soup, but it wasn't without tears. He was calm, though, and sympathetic. "You don't have to eat all of it. Just have a bite or two."

She cried harder, and he rubbed her back. But as he did, he started to feel sick to his stomach.

Once she'd calmed down, she asked it. "Could you..... could you stay the night? I don't want to be here alone."

He wondered if there was some hidden implication to this request, but realized it was just that- a request for companionship. She was alone and at a very low point in her life. "Of course. I can just sleep here on the couch."

She nodded. "Okay."

It must have been around midnight when she came into the living room. He looked up to see her, in her pajamas, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. "What are you doing up?"

"Can't sleep." She sat on the floor next to him. And for reasons she didn't know, she started to cry. 

He got off the couch, then sat next to her. "Hey. What's the matter?"

"My life is shit." She figured she should just be blunt. "It's shit. All I do is get high, work my ass off, get drunk, sleep, repeat. And nobody knows that any of this is going on, because if they did, I'd have to go back to inpatient. Or worse, they'd make me go to the _hospital_."

"I know you don't see it, but they just want you to get better. Because they care about you."

She rolled her eyes. She'd heard this a _lot_. "Yeah, I know."

"I know, I know. You've heard it before. But it's true."

After a bit, she grunted, "Damn cold in here."

"Do you want me to turn up the thermostat?"

"I've turned it up as far as it'll go, trust me."

Izumi woke up on her floor, hungover as hell. But at least she wasn't alone this time. That morning, she and Kuzon said goodbye. "You should come here more often. It gets really lonely sometimes."

"I'll come as often as I can." He hugged her. "Take care."

As he left the building, a feeling of horror flooded him. In her, he saw himself at his worst. The apparent inability to eat. The sleep issues. The constant coldness. _I have to help her. Before it's too late._


	25. Chapter 25

After barely making it through her finals, she went back home. When her parents greeted her at the port, they were visibly shocked. But they didn't say anything the entire way home. 

Mira had to keep herself from crying. She couldn't stand to see her in such a state. When she and Izumi were in inpatient together, she'd watched her grow, and get her vitality back. And now here she was, watching that vitality disappear.

Zuko could almost immediately tell she'd relapsed. And he was shocked. That summer, when she'd come back from Ba Sing Se, she didn't look healthy, that was for certain. But she was eating fine by the time she left for school! What had happened? No matter. She needed to start meeting with her treatment team again, if not go back to inpatient.

At home, he talked to Mai about this. "She's definitely relapsed. I'm really worried."

"I was about to say the same to you."

He felt a flood of emotions running through him, but took a deep breath to steady himself. "Well, by now, we know what we need to do. We'll go back to Dr. Liu for another assessment."

She nodded. "I'll call him right now. And we should sit her down and talk to her about this."

So, that evening, they went into the living room, where she was lying on the couch, and asked to talk to her. Izumi already knew what they were going to say before they said it, but she humored them and asked, "What is it?"

"Well....." Zuko scratched the back of his neck. "Your mother and I were worried that you haven't been taking care of yourself."

She knew this was true, but if she confirmed their suspicions..... "I'm okay. Really."

"Well, we don't have any way of knowing if you're medically stable right now. Which is why we thought you should start meeting with your team again."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't need to do that."

For some reason, he could feel the anger starting to rise. "Yes, you do! You look like hell!" He hadn't meant to lose his temper, but it just happened.

"You can't make me do anything."

"Izumi, this is life or fucking death!" His face got that strange tingling feeling it got when he was about to cry. 

Mai put a hand on his arm. "Zuko, please." Then she turned to her daughter and said, "He _is_ right, though. I'm sure you know this isn't something to be trifling with. Look, I called Dr. Liu, and you're getting another assessment in two days. It's just so we can see what the situation is." She looked her directly in the eye. "Listen. I know you may not see it, but we just want to make sure you're safe. Because we love you."

That night, Izumi thought about this whole thing. _They're going to know. Everybody's going to know. It's all going to come crashing down._ And another thought crossed her mind. _I'm sick of living like this, but it's all I know._


	26. Chapter 26

She spent the next morning sleeping and trying to avoid her family. Her father had a meeting that morning, anyway, and her mother was sitting in on this particular one. It was just as well because she didn't need to see their sad faces. Mira, especially..... it hurt to see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes. It was best to just avoid it.

That afternoon, she mustered up the energy to get up and change into something suitable. Formal, but not exactly full regalia. She didn't usually go all out, anyway. Looking at her stash of makeup (and her reflection), she wondered what would be worth the time and energy to put on. Blush, definitely. Just a little to make her look like she had some color in her cheeks. Some foundation under the eyes to cover the dark circles. Hmmm..... it still very much looked like she was wearing makeup, though. Perhaps some mascara would make her eyes look bigger and distract from that. She briefly considered straightening her hair, but then decided against it. The iron would take too long to heat up.

Just as she was getting ready, Mira walked in. Oh, no. What was she going to say? "Hey, there, Mira."

"H-hi." She sat down next to her. "So..... how does it feel, to be going to your ex's wedding?"

Izumi sighed. "It's...... whatever. I mean, he's my friend, and I'm happy for him. But _because_ we're friends, I'm not sure how he's going to react when he sees me now."

She nodded. "So that's why you're making yourself up to look healthier?"

This girl was _onto_ her. "How do you..."

"My dad did that with me, for a while." She shifted closer to her. "Izumi, if there's anything going on, you can always tell me."

"I know." She forced a smile. "I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. We'll work this all out. I'll be okay."

Mira nodded, but she still wasn't completely convinced.

The wedding was held a few miles out from the capital, at a place overlooking the sea. Izumi, having taken a few of her pills, breathed in the cool air and smiled.

Lora was the first to see her. The two greeted each other. She looked the other girl up and down. She was noticeably thinner, and despite the blush, her skin had a sickly pale tone to it. Still, despite her appearance, she was actually pretty cheerful.

The guests were all seated at their tables as the sun started to set. The strands of lights looked like stars, almost. A perfect night. The bride was quite beautiful, in her white dress with red flowers on it. Izumi saw the way she and Zhi looked at each other. Like they were the only two people in the world. 

Izumi, having had a few drinks (well, perhaps _more_ than a few), made a speech. "So, Zhi and I used to date, as some of you know. Don't worry, we're just friends now. But because we have such a history, he's seen me at my best and worst. Well, mostly at my worst. And...." She directly addressed the groom. "I'm sorry you've had to see me.... sick, drunk, sad, anxious...." Despite her best efforts, she was crying. "I'm glad you've found somebody who makes you happy. And I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I'm going to stop now."

He smiled. "I get what you're saying. Thank you."

As the night went on, though, he was worried about her. He didn't know _what_ had happened while she was away, but he could tell something was wrong. Her excitement had a frantic air to it. Her dilated pupils, her excessive chatter, her twitching.... was she on drugs or something? And she had quite a lot to drink that night. He could see her starting to lose her footing as she danced with one of his brothers.

The guests began to leave, one by one, congratulating the couple. Before Izumi left, she gave them a small smile and said, "Well, good luck to you two. Sorry if I embarrassed you."

"Oh, you didn't embarrass us at all," said Miyako. She looked at her with a concerned expression. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah." She turned to leave. "Well, I guess I'll see you around."

She came home that night, still pretty drunk. Her father took one look at her, sighed, and shook his head. She wiped her makeup off in the bathroom, and there it was again. The rice-paper skin. The dark circles. And as she looked closer, she saw that fine hair starting to grow at the sides of her jaw again.

* * *

The next morning, she went in for her doctor's appointment. As usual, Dr. Liu gave her the checkup. And he wasn't happy with the results. When he went out to speak to her parents, he said, "She needs to be under supervision again. Perhaps I can find some specialists in Republic City for when she's well enough to return to school. But...." He sighed. "I'm really not sure how effective that will be."


	27. Chapter 27

It was agreed that she'd meet with her team twice a week while she was still at home. And in the meantime, her parents would make sure she ate. It was back to sitting with her at the table, like they had three years prior. She was quite annoyed by this. Once again, there were lots of fights at the table. "I'm an _adult_ ," she snapped once. "You can't make me do anything."

Her parents were painfully aware of that. Dr. Liu had even told them once, "Legally, you can't make her do anything. She's an adult." But that time, Zuko's response was, "I don't care. You have to eat."

"The _hell_ I do." She glared. "I am _not_ eating all this."

He could feel himself start to get frustrated. _It's just the eating disorder talking,_ he reminded himself. "Well, we won't leave the table until you do."

"Don't you think I've already eaten enough for the day? Why can't I just skip this?" She gritted her teeth. "It's fucking bullshit."

"Fine, then! If you're not going to eat _here_ , we can just send you back to fucking inpatient! Do you want that?"

"Zuko!" whispered his wife.

He saw his daughter's shocked expression and immediately regretted saying such a callous thing. "Izumi, I didn't......"

The thought of needing to go back to inpatient made her cry. Her entire life would be upended! "No, no, it's true. I'll.... I'll eat." She grudgingly, shakily took a bite of her dinner. But by that point, she was crying so hard that her rice landed on her plate in a salty splat.

As the break wore on, she tried to get back to normal, just a little bit. But it was difficult. It felt like her own mind was fighting against her. Her parents tried to help, though, and she appreciated that. Once, her mother said, "I know this is hard. But you want to go back to school, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you're young. You've still got a lot to do with your life." She kissed her forehead. "We're just trying to help. Because we love you."

She returned to school, still not completely well. It was back into the old routine, somewhat. Sitting through classes taking notes, then spending her afternoons and evenings filing papers. She spent her days in a mental fog from starvation, but somehow, she got through everything. Somehow.

It had been agreed that while she was still at school, she'd meet with a nutritionist and a therapist. The nutritionist was a woman with a friendly smile and a sort of motherly air. "I used to have anorexia," she said in their first session, "so I understand."

Her father would visit her every month, if he was able, just to see how she was doing. Most of the time, they'd go out somewhere, whether it was to a play or just for a little walk. Whenever they saw each other, she'd force herself to eat and try to make it seem like she was getting better.

* * *

It was the middle of spring when Kuzon decided to pay her a visit, once again. Even if she said she was getting help, he couldn't help but be worried about her. So, one weekend, he decided to make the trip out there. The older one of his sisters, Anzu, laughed when he told her. " _Checking_ on her, you say.... you sure there isn't another purpose to this visit?"

Once he figured out the implication of her statement, he glared and said, "Yeah. I'm sure."

She giggled. "Okay, whatever you say."

When he informed Izumi of this intended visit, she wasn't exactly ready to have a visitor. She'd spent the afternoon binging and purging, and she was still feeling disgusting. Besides, her father was going to visit the next day, and that would be difficult enough. But she didn't want anyone to worry (especially not him), so she accepted the visit. "Sure, I'm free this evening."

So he showed up at her apartment at around five-thirty. She was still a bit light-headed from purging, but she tried to steady herself. "Hey."

"Hey."

"You got a haircut. It looks good on you."

"Thanks."

For a while, the conversation was pretty casual. Izumi talked about how hard law school was. "What's your hardest class?" he asked.

"Civ-pro. It's not even the material, it just involves a lot of memorization."

"And what's your favorite class?"

"Criminal law."

But after about fifteen minutes, he had to ask it. "Be honest with me. Are you eating enough?"

She sighed. "If you're not going to tell my dad or anyone....."

"I won't."

She chuckled dryly. "Then no, not by any stretch of the imagination."

"Well, what's going on?"

"It feels like..... I don't know how to describe it. But it feels like a constant battle in my head. I want to get better so I can move on with my life and remember this whole thing as some bullshit. But at the same time, I like how I feel when I don't eat."

He nodded. "I get it."

"And I know I'm lying to everybody, but I can't stop." She laughed a little and shook her head. "What the hell am I saying? I have everything! I mean, I'm fucking royalty! I know lots of women who would give anything to be in my position."

"Izumi, even if you do have everything, your problems are still legitimate." After a bit, he asked, "Have you told your therapist about this?"

"Yeah. It's actually something we're working on." _That's a fucking lie._

That evening, they went out for dinner, at Kuzon's suggestion. He figured a night out might take the pressure off of eating. The waitress who seated them smiled. "First date?"

Kuzon blushed. "Oh, n-no, it's nothing like that. We're just friends."

She chuckled a little. "Alright, then. Enjoy your evening."

Izumi deliberated over what to order. It had been a while since she'd had a meal out, because it always gave her such anxiety. Just then, she felt his hand on her arm and looked up. "Hey. Izumi. It's alright."

"I know."

She ended up ordering something small that night. He didn't say anything. She didn't drink, so that was good. And once they'd paid for the meal, he simply asked her what she wanted to do next. "Hmmm..... I'm not completely sure."

"There's a lot to do out here and a lot of time left in the night. Why not try everything?"

So they wandered around the city. She decided to take him to the bridge. This was a favorite spot of hers back when she was in college. In fact, sometimes, if she was feeling particularly adventurous, she would dive into the bay from here. "I like walking out here at night," she said. "Just stand by the guardrails and watch everything pass by."

They stood there, watching. There were a lot more cars here now, she noticed. There was a slight breeze. Kuzon looked over at her and thought he saw a small smile on her face. A real one.

"You know," she said. "When I was in college, sometimes, I'd walk onto here and dive into the bay."

"From _here_?"

She nodded. "The very bottom, yeah. The funny thing is, it wasn't the drop that scared me. It was coming up. Just this slow up, up, up towards the light."

Their next stops included the park, Harmony Tower, and a little photo studio that was still open at that time of night. "Let's take some pictures so we remember tonight," suggested Kuzon.

So, after paying the photographer, they posed for several pictures. In a few of them, they made silly poses. But in one picture, he sat with his arm around her, and she leaned into his chest a little. "Awww, that's adorable," said the photographer. 

When they headed back to Izumi's apartment building, she said, "I had fun tonight. Thank you."

"No problem." He scratched the back of his neck. "Well, I guess I should be going."

"No, no, please. Stay the night." For some reason, she'd been having a lot of nightmares lately, and she figured it would help to have someone with her at night.

"Well, alright. I suppose I can."

But as they were in the lobby, she insisted on taking the stairs, rather vehemently. He saw the panic in her eyes once again, and was quite alarmed by this sudden desire of hers to exercise. "Don't worry about that. It's late. You can take the stairs in the morning."

She knew what he was suspecting and tried to laugh it off. "Oh, it's nothing like _that,_ don't worry. The elevator's just really slow."

He slept on her couch once again that night, but in the middle of the night, she came out from her room and weakly asked him to come in. He blushed a little at the request. "I..... I'm not sure if...."

She sighed. "Please. I- I just had a nightmare, and I don't want to be in there alone." She shook her head. "Whatever, you don't have to, I just....."

"No, no, I'll be right there." So he went into her room.

For a while, they lay together, staring at the ceiling. She couldn't sleep, and for some reason, he didn't want to go to sleep until she did. "So," he asked, turning on his side. "What were you dreaming about?"

"I was drowning." She sighed. "I've been having this same damn nightmare every night for the past several months, and I have no idea why."

 _Fighting for her life, probably._ "It keeps you up a lot?"

"Yeah. It's part of why I haven't been sleeping. Because it feels like every time I go to sleep, I'm..... back under." She sat up and placed her head in her hands. "When I had nightmares like that a few years ago, my therapist told me to imagine a less scary ending to the dream. And I'm trying to do that now, but...." She shook her head. 

"Well, either way, you need to get some sleep. You've got a big day ahead of you, what with your dad visiting."

"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that."

He tried to remember what his mother would say to him when he had nightmares. "I'm here. I'll keep you safe."

She smiled a little. "And as my grandmother used to say, 'When the good dreams come, hang onto them with all your might.'"

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Thanks for being here with me. It.... it means a lot."

"Oh, no problem," he murmured. "Now just close your eyes and go to sleep."

He rubbed her back until she fell asleep. And when she was finally asleep, he breathed a sigh of relief. _She'll be alright. For now._

A couple hours later, he got up to get water. But as he was about to leave the kitchen, glass of water in hand, he saw a bottle of white pills. When he looked at the label, he gasped. He'd used those himself as a teenager, in the hopes that they'd suppress his appetite and increase his energy. And the minute he started taking them, it was all downhill from there. He shook the memories out of his head and sighed. _I've_ got _to do something about this._

* * *

They woke up at around eleven the next morning, the sunlight poking in through the blinds. Izumi sat up, feeling foggy as always. Then she looked at the clock. _Fuck._ "My dad's coming in thirty minutes. You need to get your jacket and shoes on and get the hell out of here."

Why the sudden urgency? "Why? What's the matter?"

"If he sees you here, he's going to think we did it!" She put her head in her hands. "I mean, he's not going to care _that_ much, but I could really do without him giving me the side-eye all day."

He could tell that wasn't it, though. He put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. I know you're stressed about seeing your father after this recent slip-up. But it'll be alright. Just breathe."

She took a deep breath. "Okay. Okay. Now I'm just going to shower, get dressed, all that. I want to at least look like I have my shit together right now."

After dressing, she crossed over to the kitchen and got herself a couple drinks. _I don't think I can do this sober._

When Zuko arrived at his daughter's apartment that morning, he certainly wasn't expecting to see a man with her. The most obvious possibility briefly crossed his mind, and he averted his eyes. _That's none of my business._

Kuzon could tell what he was thinking, so, to clear things up, he said, "I'm Kuzon. One of Izumi's friends. I just decided to drop by this morning to see how she was doing."

The older man smiled. _What a good friend._ "Well, don't be such a stranger, young man. Why don't you join us today?"

The agenda this time was pretty subdued, just a walk around the city. Kuzon found it a bit intimidating at first, meeting the Fire Lord in person. But they got to know each other that day, and the nervousness subsided.

Zuko suggested they stop for lunch at a little cafe, and as soon as he made the suggestion, Izumi could feel her heart start to sink. "Actually.... why don't we go back to my apartment for lunch? I could make something."

"Hm. Sound idea. Didn't know you could cook."

"Yeah, I can make _some_ things."

She made a meat dish with rice that day, the best thing she could make. But she only set out plates for her two guests, because she couldn't bring herself to eat what she'd made. Zuko found this very suspicious. That, plus how she looked, and that certain peculiar air about her. The whole time, she seemed anxious and tense. "This is very good. Why don't you sit down and enjoy what you've made?"

"Well, I'm really not hungry." She scratched the back of her neck, knowing this wasn't true.

"Then just have a few bites."

 _I don't want to make him suspicious._ "Oh, alright, then."

So she sat down and took a bite. As soon as she started eating, her hunger took over from there. She felt out of control. And once she was done eating, the self-hate crept in almost immediately. "Excuse me."

Zuko sighed when she left the table. She'd gone off to purge. He just knew it. And at this point, he didn't think he had it in him to try and stop her. 

She came back to the table and saw them looking at her with those same concerned expressions she saw on all her family members. Oh, how she hated it. She knew how much pain she was causing everyone, and it just _hurt._ As she got back in her seat, she sighed and said, "Okay, let's cut the crap. I know I look like shit, because I feel like it. And I spent yesterday afternoon sticking the back end of a toothbrush down my throat."

"Wait..." said Kuzon. " _That_ recently? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry." She turned to face her father. "In fact, I've been lying to everybody because I didn't want them to worry about me! Dad, you've spent more than eight years worrying about me, and I hate it! I hate knowing that you're freaking out because of me."

"Well, we're worried about you because we love you," said her father. "And we want you to get better."

"I know that! Which is why it hurts so damn much!" She started to cry. "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the lies. I'm not getting better at all! In fact, I think I'm getting _worse_! I'm in way over my head and I don't know what to do."

"Well, we're always going to be here to help you if you need it."

"You _say_ that, but you only come here once a month! That's not enough!" She was crying so hard she had trouble figuring out what she was going to say. "I'm the most fucked up I've ever been, and you know it. Send me to the hospital or something, I don't care. But.... I can't do this on my own." She sighed. "I think I need to come home for a while."

Her father nodded. "Good choice."


	28. Chapter 28

She returned home two days later. She was a bit worried about school, but perhaps her time at home would clear her head a little. In her room that first day, she took a look in the mirror and gasped. She knew she shouldn't have been shocked at what she saw, because she'd been watching the numbers drop on the scale. But to see it all up close, the hollow eyes, the sallow skin, the thin layer of hair growing on her face and arms..... it felt like too much. _It's official. I've ruined my body._

She spent most of the first week sleeping. Sometimes, she'd wake up randomly, anxious and confused. There was one night when she felt completely numb all over. Occasionally, she'd come out of her room to eat. But one day, her father managed to get her to go for a walk with him. "Well, alright, then. Let's go," she said.

" _After_ you eat your breakfast."

So, once he figured she'd eaten a decent amount, they went on that walk. And while they were out, he asked her about Kuzon. "How do you two know each other?"

"We met at a party a few years ago. And we didn't see each other again until almost a year later. Ever since then, we've been keeping in touch."

He noticed she had a slight smile when talking about him. "He really cares about you, it seems."

"Yeah, he does."

"You know, while you were.... gone, he told me he found some pills in your kitchen."

 _He saw those?!_ "Mm-hm....."

"He said they were marketed to help you focus, but a lot of people with eating disorders use them so they have an excuse not to eat." He looked pointedly at her. "How often were you using them?"

She tried to think. "I'm not completely sure, but probably a few times a week, while I was at school. I mean, it's not like I'm addicted or anything, I just...."

"Does anything happen when you _don't_ use them?"

"I'm back to my usual tired self afterwards."

"If you were to stop completely, how would you feel?"

"Shitty. Like I do now. I mean, I'd need to take a couple pills at _some_ point." Just then, it dawned on her. _Fucking hell._ "Maybe I _am_ addicted...."

"Honey, that's really serious. We need to deal with that."

She sighed. "I know."

A week later, she saw Zhi and his wife again. It was completely by chance, just as she was walking home after visiting Rina at college. She was feeling proud of herself, because prior to that visit, she'd been drinking in her room, and her cousin hadn't even noticed! "Hello," she said.

"Oh, hi, Izumi," said Miyako. "Back from school already?"

"I'm just taking some time off."

The other woman couldn't help but be a bit worried. Her posturing, the way she moved..... she looked drunk. _Again._ And the strange part was that it was the middle of the day. She looked over at her husband, and she could tell he was thinking the same thing.

"Well," said Zhi. "If you'd ever like to join us for dinner, the door's always open."

"Oh, we could all meet up somewhere, the three of us! Wouldn't that be exciting?"

"Yeah, it would." After a bit, he said, "Well, it was nice seeing you."

"Yeah, nice seeing you, too." She grinned. "Don't be such strangers, you two. Give me a call sometime."

Despite her affected happiness when in front of people, Izumi knew this was the beginning of the end. She wasn't certain how she came to this realization, but there were a few possibilities. When she purged blood for the umpteenth time. When she woke up gasping one night because her chest hurt. When she ached all over for no apparent reason.

Something in the back of her mind told her she'd have to kill all her vices- alcohol, starving, binging and purging- or they'd kill her first. Either way, it would have to end sometime soon.

Her parents were constantly whispering with each other and looking at her. She figured they knew it, too. She knew at some point, they'd put her in the hospital. And while she didn't like this, she just tried not to think about it.

She'd been home for about a month when her parents told her she'd have another appointment with Dr. Liu. And from the way they said it, she could tell that it was serious this time. Life or death serious.

Something told her she wouldn't get to return home after the appointment, so she decided to say goodbye to her friends that day. She visited Hana first, because she lived the closest. She simply told her she had to "go away for a while." The other girl asked why, and Izumi said, "Oh, I just need to get my weight up a little. It's no big deal."

She said the same thing to her school friends, and they just nodded and wished her luck. She sensed a bit of uneasiness about them, though. Like they wanted to say something else, but were withholding it. And that afternoon, she mustered up the courage to say goodbye to Zhi and his wife. For so long, she'd been trying to hide her problem from them. But she figured she ought to tell them now. So she walked up to their house and knocked on their door. The house was small, but cozy. _Come on...._

It was Miyako who answered. "Oh, hello, Izumi."

"Hi." She looked at the ground. "I was meaning to speak to you and Zhi about something."

"Well, Zhi's doing some work right now. So whatever it is you want to tell us, I can pass it along to him when he comes back." She smiled. "Come in."

So she came in and sat in their living room with her. "You know," said Miyako, her voice softer, "Zhi and I have been worried about you lately. The last couple times we've seen you, you've been very drunk."

"I know." She sighed. "Well, I came here to tell you that...... I might have to go to the hospital soon."

"Oh, why? What's the matter?"

"I.... there's a lot going on right now. Not only with my drinking, but with my eating disorder, too. I feel like it's going to kill me one day and I can't do anything about it." She was actually a bit shocked at her honesty. That was the most she'd said to anyone about it that day. "So.... yeah. That's why I'm going to the hospital."

"I'm so sorry, Izumi. If there's anything we can do for you, just let us know."

"Thank you. And.... goodbye. I'll see you whenever, I guess." She got up to leave.

She couldn't bear to look Kuzon in the face and tell him about this. So she called his house instead. She sat there, waiting for him to pick up. She half-expected him not to, _wanted_ him not to. But at one point, she heard a voice say, "Hello?"

"Ah, yes, hello. This is Izumi."

"Oh! I haven't heard from you in a while. How are you doing?"

She felt like she was about to cry just then, but she managed to steady herself. "Not the best."

"Why is that?"

"Well.... I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and I just know he's going to make me go to the hospital, which I'd understand, because if I'm completely honest with you, I think I might die sooner or later. I can just feel it." She sighed. "So.... I guess I called to say goodbye."

"Izumi. Listen to me. You'll be alright. They're going to give you the help you need. I know it all feels scary and unpredictable right now, but I promise you, everything will be okay again."

"Thank you."

"No problem. And..... take care, okay?"

"Okay."

As soon as she got off the phone, she started to cry. It was like her world was falling apart. When she saw her face in the mirror, she saw runny makeup and red, puffy eyes. She looked exactly how she felt. She attempted a smile, but it just looked garish. _I need everything to be normal again._

* * *

The next morning, her parents shook her awake. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and groaned. "Can we please not do this?"

"We have to, honey," said Mai.

"Please, no! He's going to admit me!" She could feel the tears pricking at her eyes. "Please, I don't want to stay overnight!" She knew her pleading wouldn't work, but she tried, anyway.

"Well, if that's what he thinks you need, then you'll have to. I'm sorry."

She was crying for real now. "Just let me stay home, please! I promise I'll eat!"

Zuko looked at her, long and hard. She was almost unrecognizable. "You've said that so many times. I feel like I can't trust you anymore."

"But I mean it this time! Really!"

His tone was firm now. "I am worried about you. You look awful. And besides, you've almost died so many times. We just want you to get checked out."

The three of them waited after the checkup was done. Izumi looked at the floor, and her mother had her arm around her. Then Dr. Liu said, "This has gotten out of hand. She definitely needs to be in the hospital." 

_Knew it._ "How long am I going to have to stay there?"

"I'd say a few weeks, if not longer." He looked pointedly at her. "I hope you understand how serious this is. If we don't get a handle on this situation, you might not see your next birthday."

In the hospital that day, Izumi was crying. Uncontrollable, heaving sobs. "I don't want to die!"

Her father held her. "I know you don't. That's why you have to be here."

"I hate myself right now! It's all my fault I'm here!"

"You're ill. You have a disease. You didn't choose this."

" _Disease_? This isn't fucking pneumonia! I brought this on myself!"

"No, you didn't, honey. You can't help it."

She didn't want her parents to leave her, but she knew they had to. Still, as they left, she started to cry again. "Please don't leave me here!"

Zuko looked at her and was reminded of the scared little girl who didn't want to be left alone in her room. "Don't worry, we'll visit as much as we can."

"No. If you spend all your time visiting me, it _will_ affect Mira when she gets back from school. I don't want to burden any of you."

"You're not burdening us."

"It feels like I am."

"Well, you're not." And with that, they both kissed her and told her they loved her and would see her soon.

She sat on her bed, her head in her hands. _This is what it's come to. This is what I've done to_ _myself._


	29. Chapter 29

At the hospital, every day was pretty much the same. She'd go for a (supervised) shower first thing in the morning. The nurses made her shower while sitting in a chair, and when she asked why, they told her it was because there was a risk of her passing out. "Besides, according to your file, you _have_ collapsed in the shower before."

She remembered that. It was at home, a few days before she got admitted. Her mother had found her in a crumpled heap on the shower floor, having hit her head against the faucet. "That was only once, though."

"Still," said the nurse, her voice tight, "better safe than sorry."

After her shower, she'd get dressed, always choosing something loose that she could hide in. Anything else made her want to tear her skin off. She hated the painful awareness of her body that hit her especially hard after showering or eating. And she'd sit on her bed, hiding in her clothes, trying to distract herself from the awful thoughts swirling in her head. _You've lost control. You're pathetic, you're weak, you're lazy._ In those times, she'd feel an urge to move, just like when she was little and couldn't sleep. But because she wasn't allowed to exercise, she would fidget. Rubbing the ends of the sheets over and over, or shaking her foot. 

The nurses would make rounds at eight, monitoring the patients' vitals and drawing their blood. After that would be breakfast. She was practically shaking, thinking about the calories in the food. But she forced herself to eat it, remembering everyone's repeated warnings. _If I don't want to die, I have to eat._

She'd eat six times a day (doctor's orders), and yet she was still constantly hungry. This feeling scared her. She was already in a place where she couldn't control what happened to her, and this was just the icing on the cake. 

Her parents visited every two days. The first time, they brought her journal so she'd have something to do. She wasn't allowed to have a fountain pen, so they gave her a pencil instead. Other times, they brought books, treats from home, or just emotional support. She appreciated their company, but whenever they visited, it always occurred to her how upset it was probably making them to see her in this state.

As the days went on, she got visits from the rest of her family, as well. Her grandparents, her aunts, her cousins. Her second week in the hospital, Mira showed up. She'd just come home that day, but was insistent on seeing her. 

A sort of heaviness came over Mira as she walked into the room. Her sister, who had said almost three years earlier that she didn't need to be in treatment because she "wasn't like [Mira]", was in the same position she herself had been in three-and-a-half years ago. That whole year, she'd been worried about her, ever since that summer. But she'd been preoccupied with other things as well, such as her coursework, her new friends, a certain boy she'd been seeing..... she felt terrible for forgetting about her in the process. But, no time for that now. She sat at the foot of Izumi's bed and attempted a smile. "Hi."

"Hi."

"How are things?"

"Okay, I guess. I'm just trying to stay alive. Dr. Liu said I might not live to be twenty-four if I don't get this under control, so that's my motivation."

She nodded. "It's a good motivation."

"But I still have these awful thoughts, though."

"Well, do you have any way to pass the time?"

"Yeah, I have some books. And Mom and Dad brought my journal."

"That's good. If you occupy yourself, it'll drown out the noise in your head."

"Makes sense." She sat up a little. "Well, enough about _me._ I want to know what's been going on with _you_."

"Hmmm...... I've been seeing someone. A guy."

She grinned. "No way! Details. Now."

"Okay. His name's Lee."

" _Wow_. That's pretty generic. Go on."

"I met him a few months ago in my literature class. He's kind of a dork, but really sweet. On my birthday, he showed up at my dorm with flowers!" 

"It sounds like he really likes you."

"Yeah, he does." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "A few weeks ago, I lost my virginity to him."

"You _what_?"

"Yeah." She smiled to herself, and a bit of a blush appeared on her cheeks.

"That's a big deal! How was it?"

"I was kind of nervous at first because I thought it would be awkward, but I actually liked it. Even if it was awkward." She smiled at the memory. "Neither of us had done it before, so we could just...... be awkward together."

"Well, _that_ 's good."

After a bit, Mira said, "I'm going to have to declare a major next year, but I don't know what to pick."

"Well, what do you want to do when you grow up? Have you thought about that?"

"Not a whole lot, but recently, I've been thinking I wanted to be a doctor."

"Then perhaps you could major in public health." She scratched the back of her neck. "I don't know, it's just a suggestion."

"Thanks." She hugged her. "I'm glad I have you to help me with this type of stuff."

"Well, hey, we're sisters. We help each other."

The next week, Izumi was allowed to go outside. So she, her parents, and sister went outside the building that afternoon. There were a few other people out there, patients like her enjoying the day. The sky was cloudy, but it was still warm. It felt good, to feel the air on her skin and the warmth of the day. For a while, she stood there, taking it in. The sky got darker, the air got cooler, and it started to rain. The other patients went back inside, one girl shielding her hair with her hands. "Well," said Mai. "Do you want to go back in?"

"No, I want to stay out here." She'd always loved rain. And today, in particular, she wanted to feel each drop. 

As the rain picked up speed, she could feel her cares melting away. She was spinning around, jumping in the puddles that were forming, kicking and splashing. Her family stood under a nearby awning, watching her and laughing. "You're going to get wet!" called Mira.

"I don't care!" she laughed. 

Zuko couldn't help but smile at his daughter. For the first time in a while, she was happy. It was almost like she was still little. A lot had changed over the years, but she hadn't lost her ability to find joy in even the smallest things. 

"Alright," she said, the water running down her face. "I think I'm ready to go inside."

For a while, she still couldn't figure out why she'd been so happy to feel the rain. Then, that evening, as she sat on her bed in her pajamas, she had an important realization. That afternoon, she'd felt.... _real._ For the first time in a while. For years, she had tried to detach, to shrink into herself. Being aware of her physical form was just too painful. But now? She loved how it felt, to be in her body, because she could experience things like rain, air, the sun. For once, she could enjoy the world around her. 

* * *

Her most frequent visitor, aside from her family, was probably Kuzon. He didn't know what it was that propelled him to the hospital once, twice,even three times a week, and at night, too. But before he knew it, he'd be at her side, sometimes with a gift, sometimes not, talking to her. He could tell that she was getting better. She smiled more, looked less tired. Once, he brought her a little bag of rice candies, and he could just see her eyes light up. "I haven't had these in _years_ ," she chuckled.

On one of his visits, he saw her father and grandmother. Zuko introduced his mother to him. "This is Kuzon. One of Izumi's friends."

"Oh! _You're_ the gentleman caller from a few years ago." She smiled. "Nice to meet you in person."

After all that time, he still remembered her voice. Smooth, like silk. Her hair was mostly gray, but he could see traces of its original color. "Nice to meet you, too, Ursa."

"Wait, you know each other?"

"After Izumi went to inpatient the first time, he called asking for her." She turned to face Kuzon. "She talks about you a lot."

He could feel his face grow warm. "Oh.... she does?"

"Yes, she does. She says you've been coming here, bringing her things. And whenever she talks about you, she has the biggest smile on her face." She chuckled a little. "Just in general, she's doing a lot better. I'm proud of her."

As she talked about her granddaughter, he remembered what she'd said over the phone: "She's an amazing, smart, talented young woman, but you wouldn't know that because she treats herself like trash." And over the last several months, he'd realized just how right she was. He'd watched Izumi go from being smart, funny, and happy to being consumed and obsessed.

There was another time when he showed up while her parents were there. It was around nine, and they were just getting ready to leave. Zuko smiled. He was here a lot these days. "Hello, there, Kuzon."

Mai looked him up and down. His hair looked almost blue in the light. He didn't have a topknot. The expression on his face was soft, caring, almost. "Oh. Are you one of Izumi's friends?"

"Yes. I came over here to see her."

As he walked towards the room, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around to see Zuko. "You come here at night a lot. I think you ought to go home, get some sleep."

"Well, sleep can wait. I just want to make sure she's doing okay." He sighed. "You know, I think part of the reason I'm visiting her so often is..... that was me, six years ago."

He nodded. "So you want to help her, because you know how it is."

"Yeah."

He figured this wasn't all of it, though. And he gave the younger man a knowing smile. "You know, one of the signs that you're in love with someone is that you put their needs before yours."

Kuzon blushed. "Oh, well, um.... that's just one sign of many. Surely, that doesn't mean I'm in _love_ with her...."

"Do you think about her a lot?"

"Y-yeah. I mean, sometimes, I'll see something she might like or hear a joke she might appreciate and think, 'Oh, Izumi would love that!'"

"Do you wonder if she's thinking about you?"

 _Shit._ "Well, sometimes, I guess."

Zuko just chuckled a little. He actually found it kind of cute. "I think it's safe to say your feelings for her are more than just a friend caring about a friend." He turned to leave, then said, "Well, I must be going. You take care. And please get some sleep at some point."

"I will, don't worry."

A few days later, he came back. It was during the day this time, because he had time to. As they spoke, he thought to himself, _So I'm in love with her. But does she love me back?  
_

She told him she was going to leave the hospital soon. "So you're going to go home?"

"No, I wish. They're transferring me to inpatient." She sighed. "Well, they told me they could give me a mental health assessment if I didn't want to go, but one of the doctors said that most people who get the mental health assessment end up getting sectioned, so I'd go there anyway."

"Well, whatever you do, don't let them section you." He'd been sectioned, and it was _hell._ He couldn't make any decisions for himself, and the professionals treated him like a child.

"Right, I know, but...." She groaned. "I just want to go home."

"You'll get to go home. You just need more time to get better. I mean, you almost died."

"Yeah, that's true. But I guess I'm just getting restless. I've been here for six weeks."

"Well, you have to give it time."

"Right, right." She inched closer to him and put an arm around him. "You've been a great help to me over the last six weeks. Thank you so much."

"I do what I can."

For some reason, she wanted to kiss his cheek, just to see how it would feel, but she wasn't sure how he'd react. "Could you stay with me? Just a little longer?"

"Of course."


	30. Chapter 30

Izumi left the hospital on a warm, balmy day. She wore the same outfit she'd arrived in, but it wasn't as loose on her now. In the clinic, the receptionist looked at her and gave her a wry smile. "I didn't think I'd see you back here."

"Didn't think I'd _be_ back here."

Her roommate was Fan, a distraught nineteen-year-old with short brown hair who really didn't think she needed to be there. "I'm not like everybody else. I'm not underweight, and I'm not about to die. I'm _fine_."

Izumi remembered when she had that same thought process. "If you were fine, do you think you'd be here?"

Fan looked pointedly at her. "The only reason I'm here is because my parents are overreacting a _lot_."

During meals, though, Izumi couldn't help but notice that she would get pretty antsy. She immediately recognized it as how she felt before she went off to purge. And she had bruises on her knuckles, so she could guess that was a habit for this girl. After about three days, Izumi decided to just say it. "I know you may not see it, but you're very sick. You need to be here as much as anybody else."

"I- I'm not sick."

"Look at your hand." Her voice was calm, but firm.

Fan rolled her eyes, but complied. But as she looked at her hand, she started to cry. "Look, I know I'm fucked up. You don't need to remind me."

"Come here."

She obeyed, and Izumi pulled her into a hug. "Being here is just.... really scary, you know? It feels like..... like I'm going to die for real, and I don't want that yet."

"Well, if you eat, and do the work to get better, then you're not going to die. I know it seems scary, but you can get through it."

Over the next several days, it seemed that Fan was improving, just a little. She made an effort to eat and seemed more receptive to the treatment. Izumi even saw a genuine smile on her face a couple times.

After being there for two weeks, Izumi was taken to meet with her team. Her parents were there, too, which she was glad for, because she hadn't seen them in a while. "I missed you so much," she sighed, hugging them.

Dr. Liu, apparently, thought it would be better if she completed her treatment elsewhere, now that she was medically stable. "She has plenty of other issues in addition to her eating disorder, and I think a more holistic approach would be conducive to her recovery."

Izumi wasn't much involved in the conversation, but she heard what they were saying. They brought up her alcohol abuse, her history of depression, her generally unstable mood. Now it was a matter of where she would go next. A name was mentioned. Peony. A treatment center. She recognized it because her aunt had stayed there. From what she knew, it was a step down from an _institution._ "Are you _really_ going to send me there?"

"Now, Izumi, we don't know that for sure yet," said her therapist calmly. "But we think it might be the best option for you."

Now she was mad. "What the _fuck_? Do you really think I need to be in an _institution_?"

"Honey," said her mother. "It's not an institution. Just keep an open mind. I'm sure it's not going to be that bad."

She glared at her. "If nurses who get assigned there don't want to tell people they work there, then it sounds pretty fucking bad, don't you think?"

"I'm aware there's a lot of stigma surrounding the place," said Dr. Liu. "But I promise you they will give you the help you need, and you'll be glad you went."

She groaned. _Guess I'll have to go, then._ "How long will I stay for?"

"We're looking at a few months, at most."

She put her head in her hands. "I just want to go home already."

"I know you do. And you'll be allowed on day visits once you're far enough into your treatment. But you still have a lot of work to do before you can go back out into the world."

She was allowed to come home for the night to pack a bag and rest up before she had to leave. Her father was in her room with her as she was packing, both to spend time with her and to give her some support. "We'll come see you as often as we can."

"I know, Dad, but...." She sighed. "I feel like I'm getting flung from one place to another, over and over again."

"Well, on the bright side, this is the last place you'll have to go before you can come home and start living your life again."

"I _hope_ so."

Later that night, she asked him to tuck her in like he did when she was little. So he did, and he kissed her forehead. "Everything will be alright."

"I want it to be."

"I mean it. It will." He stroked her hair. "Now get some sleep. You have a big day ahead of you."

"Okay. Love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Turtleduck."


	31. Chapter 31

A big yellow building with a large courtyard. That was the "Peony Therapeutic Center" ( _more like asylum,_ thought Izumi). Her next home for a few months or so. As she sat in the waiting room with her family, she simply stared at the floor and tried to remind herself that it wasn't going to be so bad, that it wasn't permanent. The sweat dripped down her neck. There was a fan going, but it was still pretty stuffy in here.

When a nurse came in to check her in, she got up from her seat. "Well," she said, turning to her parents and sister. "I guess I've got to go now."

So, after hugging them goodbye, she followed the nurse, up the stairs and past all the different rooms. There was wallpaper with brightly-colored flowers on it. The cheeriness of the decorations was almost nauseating. "Here's your room," said the nurse when they arrived at a room with two beds, a red rug, and red curtains. It was bigger than the rooms in inpatient.

The nurse began to search through her bag, taking out pens, a razor, a belt, anything sharp or with a rough edge. Izumi rolled her eyes. "I'm not suicidal and I don't cut. You don't need to rifle through my stuff."

"It's just a precaution." Just then, she pulled out a framed picture of her family.

"Oh, come on, why can't I keep _that_?"

"There's glass in it. You could hurt yourself."

"I'm not going to hurt myself, though!"

"Like I said, it's just a precaution. You'll get it back when you leave." She put the bag down. "Alright. Turn your pockets out, please."

So she complied. "There's _nothing_ in here, you know."

"Yes, I see that. Thank you."

She rolled her eyes once again. "Whatever."

When the nurse left the room with all the offending items, Izumi sat at the end of her bed. _I have to do this. Even if it sucks. Even if it really,_ really _sucks._

Her roommate returned around that time. She wore her hair completely loose, and her features reminded Izumi of a rabbit, somewhat. She looked to be around Izumi's age, perhaps a bit younger, and was very quiet. Izumi offered a smile in this girl's direction. The other girl didn't even look up. 

The days were pretty subdued. Everybody was expected to make their beds, then wait for the shower. Each person was supervised to make sure they didn't hurt themselves. Meals were in a large room with two windows. The "dining hall", it was called. In inpatient, meals had been mostly quiet, save for the clinking of chopsticks against plates or the calm, patronizing voices of the nurses, saying, "Make a start, please." Here, people talked among themselves. Most of them seemed to be enjoying themselves, despite the circumstances.

In the ample free time she had, she would read, write in her journal, or write letters to friends. Because she wasn't allowed to have a pen, no matter how much she pleaded, she did all her writing with a dull pencil, or a brush and ink if she was sitting at a desk. She didn't tell her friends that she was writing from _here_ , but they probably knew from the return address.

There was group therapy, individual therapy. At first, Izumi was resistant to the therapist's increasingly probing questions and would resort to giving vague responses in a condescending tone. Then, after a while, she was willing to answer _some_ of the deeper questions, such as those surrounding her alcohol use. In one session, though, he asked a particularly sensitive question.

It started simple, with her talking about her time at college. "I would go out on the weekends, to bars or clubs. Sometimes, if I wasn't already in a relationship, I would go home with different people." She chuckled a little at the memory. "It was fun, because it was _exciting_ and _scandalous_."

"Hmm..... do you think there's more to it, though?"

"What do you mean?"

"You've mentioned multiple times that you feel detached a lot.... do you think sex was a way for you to feel something?"

Hit a _little_ too close to home there, buddy. "What the fuck are you talking about? That's not it at all!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...."

"Can we just not talk about this?"

"Alright."

She got to know her roommate. Her name was Akira. She was reluctant to talk about her life, but Izumi knew that she was twenty-one and had intermittent psychotic episodes. One day, she decided to ask if she'd ever dated. "Just once, in high school," the other girl answered. "But my parents want me to hurry up and get married already."

"It's no big deal if you don't get married soon. _I'm_ not married."

"Right, I know, but.... sometimes, I wonder if I'm ever going to have a normal life."

"You will."

One of the younger patients, a boy, took a liking to her. He had round red cheeks and a goofy grin. She knew his name was Jiro and he was eleven years old. The first time they talked, he asked her why she was here. "Because I'm sick," she said.

"Sick how?"

"The type of sick where you don't even care that you're sick until it's too late." She didn't even realize she'd said it until she said it. _Damn,_ that's _a pretty dark thing to say to an eleven-year-old._

"Do you want to know why _I'm_ here?"

"Why?"

He rolled up his sleeve and showed her a row of cuts. "This is why I'm here."

She remembered when she'd done that to herself, and, almost on an impulse, she hugged the little boy.

Over the following days, they did a lot together. Played cards, talked. One day, she taught him to play pai sho, the way her great-uncle had. "It's a game of patience and strategy," she told him. "You have to think several moves ahead."

She got visits from her family, and they'd sit together in the common room. They noticed she was improving. She was back to her usual friendly self. She and Mira would play games together like they did in inpatient.

One day, after she'd been there for a few weeks, her great-uncle managed to show up. "Iroh!"

The man chuckled and hugged her. "I'm glad to see you, too, Izumi."

She proceeded to tell him about her life at the place. "You'd be disappointed. There's no decent tea here."

"Why not?"

"They don't want us to have caffeine."

She told him about the people she'd met here. "I taught this kid Jiro to play pai sho."

"Oh, really?" He smiled. "Perhaps I could play him to see how well you taught him."

"Well, I'll bring you over to him."

So she introduced the two. "Hey, Jiro, this is my great-uncle Iroh."

The boy gasped. "The Great Dragon of the West!"

She smiled. "Exactly. He was the one who taught me to play pai sho, so when I told him I taught _you_ , he wanted to play you."

Jiro shook his hand. "Challenge accepted."

She watched them as they played. The game took a while, because they were both pretty good. At one point, Iroh looked over his shoulder and said, "You _did_ teach him well."

She shrugged. "Well, what can I say? I learned from the best."

The older man ended up winning that round, though. "Well," he said, shaking Jiro's hand again. "We had a very good game, young man."

"Yes, we did."

As Iroh went to leave, though, Izumi couldn't help but notice his appearance. He looked exhausted. She'd tried not to notice it the previous summer, but now it was more apparent to her. His health was failing. "Iroh?"

"Yes?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, of course." He hugged her goodbye and patted her back. "Take care of yourself."

"I could say the same thing to you."

Despite the fun moments, though, there were hard parts, too. One day, she was sitting in group therapy when the conversation turned to inappropriate encounters with men (it was mostly girls and women in this group). And before she knew it, she was crying. "Excuse me," she asked. "May I step outside?"

The therapist looked up. "Yes, you may."

So she got up and left the room, and that was when she started _really_ crying. Akira walked by, saw her, and sat next to her. "Hey. What's the matter?"

"I...." She wasn't certain if she should tell her, but then she remembered. _If I want to move on, I'm going to have to acknowledge this._ "When I was young, I was molested. And in group just now, I was reminded of that."

"Have you told anyone here about it?"

"No. I haven't told many people yet."

"Well, I think it would help to talk about it. It's your choice, but keeping it bottled up won't help you."

So, later that day, she mentioned it to her therapist. "I'm so sorry that happened."

She shrugged. "It's.... whatever. I mean, it doesn't affect me _that_ much." That was an obvious lie, and she knew it.

"Well, you and your parents have a session tomorrow. Do you want to tell them about it yourself or do you want me to bring it up?"

"I can tell them myself. But.... could you introduce it first?"

"How so?"

"Just.... say I have something important to tell them."

The next day, her parents showed up. The whole time, her heart was racing. The idea made her nervous, but she knew she had to do it. So as they sat in their family therapy session, the therapist cleared his throat and said, "Izumi had something important to tell you."

Zuko was a bit nervous. What would she say? "Well? What is it, honey?"

She sighed. "When I was eleven.... I was staying over at Azula's house, and her boyfriend.... put his hands on me." The memory made her sick to her stomach.

He thought back to that time when she was despondent and crying a lot for no apparent reason. _That explains a_ lot. It explained why she'd hide behind him when she saw that man. Why she didn't want to go to their house all of a sudden. Her persistent fear of unfamiliar men. "Izumi, why didn't you tell us?"

"He told me he'd kill you if I told. And I know it's kind of ridiculous, but I thought if I told you, you were going to kill _him_ , and because it really seemed like Azula was going to marry him, that would basically be taking a dad away from Rina." She averted her eyes. "And even years later, I was just..... _ashamed._ It felt too private to talk about. And.... I kind of felt like it was my fault, and that I led him on somehow."

"It wasn't your fault," said Mai.

"I know, but I still felt like it was my fault." The tears welled at her eyes.

Mai could tell from her daughter's voice that now, even after all that time, she still felt like it was her fault. She saw her trying to blink back tears and inched closer to her. "Izumi. You've been in so much pain for more than half your life, and you've been bottling it up, too. It's okay. Let it out."

So she did. Cried her heart out in her mother's arms. She hadn't done anything like it in years. And it felt good, in a strange way.


	32. Chapter 32

Kuzon visited a lot, too, which was to be expected. He'd listen to her talk about what life was like at the place, and the people she met there. He was just glad she was happy about something.

On his third visit, he knew he had to tell her what he felt for her. Even if she didn't return it. He just needed to get it out there. So, sitting next to her on one of the big couches in the common room, he said, "I've been thinking about this for a while, and I've realized that... I love you. And I can't hide it anymore."

 _Wow._ Over the last several months, she'd thought they were developing into something, but wasn't sure if he felt that way about her. And now... "Wow. I... I didn't think you were ever going to say it!"

"Wait..."

"I mean, the way you were acting, you would have thought we were already dating." She inched closer to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. It was rather scratchy. "You need a shave."

He laughed, then turned her head towards his and kissed her lips. "You're cute, you know that, right?"

When he left, he told her, "One of these days, we ought to go on a proper date."

"Yeah, maybe when I get out of here." She gave him a small smile. "Have any ideas yet?"

" _Maybe_. But I don't want to spoil the surprise." He went in for another kiss. "Well, I'll see you soon."

"See you soon."

That evening, Jiro asked, "So was that man your boyfriend?"

She smiled. _He is now._ "Yes."

She'd been at the place for a month now, and at that point, she was allowed to go out on day visits. When she was informed of this, she was uncertain what she'd do on her day visits. When Azula visited once, she asked her what _she'd_ done with her day passes while she was staying here. "Well, your father still didn't completely trust me at the time, so home was out of the question."

"I wouldn't blame him. You tried to fry him. A _lot_."

"Well..... that _is_ true."

"Oh, so you're not even denying it now!" They both laughed.

"But anyway, a lot of times, I would... visit my father. Or I'd wander aimlessly around the city. It's very calming, actually. You should try it."

She laughed. "I know. I did plenty of that in college."

On her first visit, she just went home. When she arrived, she had to stand there and take in everything. She hadn't been home in a while, so she felt she needed to appreciate everything home had to offer. Her own room, for one. She flopped down on her bed that morning and sighed. Her mother laughed. "Did you miss your bed?"

"Yes."

Another thing she'd missed about home was finally, _finally_ getting to use a goddamn fountain pen. She hadn't thought she'd miss a stick of metal and ink so much, but the feeling of getting to use one of the things was.... _euphoric,_ almost.

And the food.... the food at Peony was passable, compared to what they had in inpatient, but she realized how much she'd missed fruit tarts. _Why did I spend so many years avoiding food like this?_

A habit she and Mira had developed over the last few years was going out to see the family dragon. Druk had definitely grown over the years, to the point where he was nearly twice Mira's size. He was a little cranky at times, but in the girls' experience, very sweet if one got to know him. That particular day, Izumi thought it would be a fun idea if they took him out for a ride. "He's big enough, after all."

"Mmm.... I don't know. I'm a little scared. What if we fall?"

"Oh, don't worry. If we just hang on, we'll be fine." She'd ridden Appa enough times, so she figured it wasn't _that_ different.

So, with their father's help, they mounted the creature and went for a ride. As they got higher and higher, Mira had to keep from looking down, because the view was just _dizzying._ Meanwhile, Izumi thought this was exhilarating. "This is fun, isn't it?"

"Yeah, if you ignore the fact that we're _hundreds of feet in the_ _air_!"

"Just don't look down."

"I'm trying not to." Just then, her gaze accidentally went to the ground once again, and she shuddered. "And does this thing know where to go?"

"I'm steering him." She turned to face her sister. "Mira. Relax. I've got this."

"Okay....."

As they approached home, the older girl warned, "There's going to be a big drop. Hang on tight!"

With the descent, there was a big rush of air, and the sight of the ground hurtling towards them was enough to make Mira queasy. "You good back there?"

"I- I guess!"

After a shaky landing, the girls got off. "So," said Zuko. "What did you girls think?"

"That was the _best_!" shouted Izumi.

"It was.... a lot," said Mira. "I suppose I could do that again, though."

Izumi didn't want this day to end, but end it did. That evening, she said goodbye to her family and was back just in time for dinner. "How was your day out?" asked Akira.

"Amazing." Excitedly, she proceeded to tell her about it. "You know, it's things like that that let me know that life's worth living."

Jiro left a few days later, having completed his treatment. On his last night there, Izumi thought it would be nice if they played one last round of pai sho. He had definitely improved over the last month, beating her this time using a clever tactic.

The next morning after breakfast, they sat in the main room together, him with his bag in hand, waiting for his father to show up. And when he did, Jiro ran towards him excitedly. "Dad!"

The man laughed and ruffled his hair. "Hey there, Jiro." He looked up to see her. "Oh! Your Highness."

She smiled. "Jiro's a great kid. Really."

"Yeah." He looked over at his son, then at her. "He's talked about you a lot." He sighed. "You know, when I brought him here, he was really upset and sad all the time, but... you seemed to cheer him up. I appreciate you spending time with him, really, I do."

"Hey, it's the least I could do." As they turned to leave, she told them, "Take care."

"You, too."

They walked off, hand in hand. And she was reminded of her own father and all he did for her and felt an intense surge of emotion all of a sudden. _I hope all is well with them, for as long as possible._


	33. Chapter 33

Over the next month, she started to get restless once again. It was a matter of time before school started, and she'd already missed a lot! She tried asking the staff when she could leave for good, but the response she always got was, "Don't worry about that. You will return home momentarily."

When her family left for Ember Island, they wrote to her a lot, and one time, they sent her a few pictures in the mail. It looked like they were having a lot of fun, and she just wished she could be there with them! But she was happy for them all the same.

One afternoon, she was in the courtyard, reading under a willow tree. All of a sudden, she started to think. _I'm going to have to stop drinking completely. And taking pills._ The sudden realization that she'd have to cut those things out for good shocked her, but she knew it was necessary.

Kuzon's visits cheered her up just a little. It was nice, to bask in his emotional (and physical) comfort for a while. "You know," she said one day, "I'm getting a day pass at the end of this week. Perhaps then we could go on that date?"

"Yeah." He'd been pretty excited at the prospect of their first real date.

"Great. So we'll meet outside?"

He smiled. "I'll be right there."

"Can't wait." She sighed and rested her chin on her hand. "They won't tell me when I can leave for real."

"Have you asked?"

"Yeah, and the answer's always that I'll go home 'momentarily'." The pitch of her voice went up a bit, which he knew only happened when she was frustrated. "What the fuck does _that_ mean?"

"Well, whatever they mean by that, you should focus more on your treatment and less on when you'll get to leave. It's like I said. You have to give it time."

The day of their scheduled date, she put on something casual, but cute. She considered putting on makeup, but when she looked for it in her bag, she remembered that the nurse had confiscated _that_ , too. "We can't have that here. It's a fire hazard," she'd said. _Whatever. It's not like it matters._

The time where she'd avoided full-length mirrors was long past, but it was still strange, looking into one. Her body had changed a lot, that was for certain. She had to admit, it would take some getting used to, but it didn't bother her. Akira saw her fixing her hair in the mirror and laughed. "Getting ready for a date?"

"Yeah."

Kuzon was waiting for her outside that morning. And when she emerged, he was reminded of how beautiful she was. "Well. You look lovely as always."

"Thank you. So do you." He took her hand, and as they walked, she asked, "So, what were you thinking of doing today?"

"I figured we would go see a play, then go for lunch. You know, a typical date. And after that, we can see where the day takes us."

"Oh...." This would be her first meal out in months! She wasn't sure if she was ready....

"You seem nervous about something. What is it?"

"It's just.... eating in public has always been anxiety-inducing for me, because I'm worried about people watching me and all that, so.... I'm kind of nervous about this."

"I understand." He put a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be okay. You'll do fine. Nobody's really going to be watching, anyway."

Izumi enjoyed the play, but what she enjoyed even more was her boyfriend's arm around her shoulder, pulling her towards him. The whole time, she felt light and happy. They left the theater, talking about the play and their favorite actors. "The lead actress was the only person I've seen so far who can cry _actual tears_ on cue," she said.

At the restaurant, she found herself worrying about what she'd order. But she reminded herself, _Just_ _o_ _rder what you want._ So when the waiter came around, she ordered fire noodles, another thing she'd missed. Talking with Kuzon over the meal helped some, as well. "So how's your family?" he asked.

"They're in Ember Island right now. They seem to be having fun."

"Do you wish you were there?"

"Yeah." She took another bite of her meal. "But whatever. I can go next year."

He pointed to her food. "Hey, can I try some of that?" he asked.

"Sure." She dropped a noodle onto his plate.

He ate it, then gasped. "Holy _fuck_!" He took a sip of his juice. "This is probably the spiciest thing I've ever eaten! How do you handle it?"

She shrugged. "Strong taste buds, I guess. My parents used to say I could eat a chili pepper and still say it needed hot sauce."

They both laughed.

They'd paid for the meal and left the restaurant, and now it was time to see where the day took them. "You know," said Izumi. "My family's gone. Why don't we go over to my place? It's basically empty."

Wow. He never thought he'd get to go inside the royal palace! But then again, he never thought he'd be dating the princess.... "I'd love that!"

"Okay, then, let's go."

She showed him around the palace and all the places she'd explored as a kid. They stood together in the gallery, looking up at the paintings. "This was one of my favorite places growing up."

One of them had Zuko's unmistakable scar. His expression was different from all the others. Less severe and more..... benevolent. Calm. "That's your dad?"

She smiled. "That's my dad."

She showed him one of the secret rooms, too. "Now, this may just look like a grate, but....." She pooled her energy into making a blast of fire and aimed it into the door. It slid open, revealing a cavernous, dimly lit room.

"Whoa!"

She showed him her bedroom. The decorations were ornate, as expected. Red curtains with gold brocade. A plush carpet. There were lots of pictures on the dresser. Her parents, her cousins, family friends. "The pictures make it mine, in a way."

They sat on her bed together. "I must say, I never thought I'd be in here," he laughed.

"Well, sometimes, you have to expect the unexpected."

For a while, they didn't say anything. Then she gave him a small smile, and kissed him. And kept kissing him, like he couldn't get enough of his lips. His tongue was still cold, but she didn't mind it. She moved onto his lap. From here, she could guess where this was headed. They were in here alone, had gone on the perfect date, and they were on a bed, damn it. _Might as well._

Before she knew it, she'd pushed him back onto her bed and was straddling him. _Damn it! What do I do from here?_ "I'm sorry, I'm really bad at this. It's been a while."

"Oh, don't worry, it's been a while for me, too." He sat up a bit, then leaned in to continue the kiss. He was a bit nervous about undressing her. It had been....what, three years?..... since he'd done anything like that with a girl. But this wasn't just any girl. This was the love of his life. 

As they helped each other off with their clothes, the excitement coursed through each of them. He may not have done this in a while, but at least he still remembered how to take off a girl's bra. When she was fully exposed, he had to take a good, long look at her. "You're so beautiful, Izumi."

There were so many places on her to kiss, and urgently. He turned her over and planted kisses on her flesh. She had an idea of what he was about to do, and got a little giddy. He kissed her, slowly, purposefully, on her inner thigh.

His head between her thighs, she gave into her pleasure. All she could do was put her hands in his hair and close her eyes. The knowledge that he was doing this just for her was almost too much. The pleasure started to build in her body, and her noises became more and more urgent. "Ah... yes.... right there.... mmmm.... d-don't stop..."

He loved hearing her moan, knowing that he could easily turn her into a wet mess. He could feel himself getting hard just hearing it. Shuddering, she released, and he smiled, glad that he'd satisfied her.

He slowly kissed his way back up her body, then asked if she was ready for what was next. "Of course," she whispered. "Of course."

He scratched the back of his neck. "You're not on any form of birth control, are you?"

She laughed a little. _Well,_ that's _sweet of him._ "I am. You don't need to worry about that."

And with that, he let her sit on his lap and pushed into her. The feeling of him filling her was enough to make her gasp. She started to rock her hips on him, and he thrust up to meet her.

For the first time, she felt close to him, in a way she couldn't with anyone else. It was almost like they'd been doing this together their whole lives. She wanted him, all of him.

His father had told him that sex was an expression of love, and only now did he realize how true that was. He wanted to tap into her deepest desires, know her body as well as her mind. With her, he felt things he'd never felt before.

"Izumi..." It was more of a pant. "I'm close."

Feeling the pressure building up in her core, she was almost out of breath, but managed to whisper, "Me, too."

They came together, crying out in joy. As her high washed over her, she gripped his back, and he didn't mind it one bit. He actually liked it, the feeling of her nails in his back, the sheer _desire_ this action suggested.

Exhausted and happy, they lay together. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too." He turned to look at her. She was flushed and sweaty, but still gorgeous as ever. "We should do this more often."

"Definitely."

That night, as they got ready for bed in their room, Akira said, "I forgot to ask, how was your date?"

"Wonderful." And she meant it.

The other girl saw the glazed look on her face and chuckled to herself. _Was there more to it?_ "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, probably the filthiest thing I've ever posted. Hope you liked it.


	34. Chapter 34

A week later, she was discharged. On her last night, she said goodbye to the people she'd met there. They'd all come so far. Akira, who'd been despondent and unsure if she'd have a normal life just two months before, was much happier and had high hopes for the future. There were people who'd arrived scared and sad, who were dealing with horrible things in their lives, but over time, they'd grown and changed. Much like in inpatient, she'd watched their personalities re-emerge. For example, there was one young man, Hanzo, who, upon arrival, was fearful and wouldn't talk to anyone. As time went on, he'd started to talk more in group sessions, and one time, he even shared a poem he'd written.

The residents of Peony had all become like a family, almost. A large, loud, messy family. Izumi almost got a little sad leaving them. Akira's advice to her that evening was, "Don't ever change. You've got so much potential."

Hanzo didn't say anything, just slipped a piece of paper into her hand. When everyone had turned their attention to other things, she unfolded it and read it. It was a couple lines, written in careful script. "When stars fade, they do not lose their light/Instead, they shine elsewhere."

 _How sweet._ She looked up and smiled in his direction. "Thank you."

The next morning, she retrieved the things the staff had taken. Then, bag in hand, she checked out and left with her family. She emerged from the building a new woman.

She had a few weeks left until she was to return to school. It would be a lot of work, but she was sure she could handle it this time. She spent most of her time inside, just glad to experience the comforts of home again.

The day before Mira was to leave, they both sat in the garden, relaxing. For the longest time, they didn't say anything. Then Mira broke the silence by saying, "You know, I'm glad you're doing better."

"Yeah, me, too." She shifted in her seat. "I feel a lot better, too. Better than I have in years, now that I think about it."

After a while, she added, "I've been thinking about it for a while, and I've realized that I have to really commit to getting better. I'm going to stop drinking completely, and I'm not going to question my decision."

"Well, you have all my support." 

And as they said goodbye at the port the next morning, Mira told her, "You can do it. I believe in you."

Izumi liked being back at school. She settled into the routine, of classes and work. She kept in touch with friends and family. But on the weekends, she still occasionally thought of drinking. She'd shut down those thoughts with, _No. I told everyone I wasn't going to drink._

It was almost like she was thirteen again, before the drinking, before the eating disorder. Even outside of treatment, there was still a learning process. She had to avoid clubs or bars now, so she had to figure out how to have fun on the weekends without it. Thankfully, her friends provided some help with this.

She was still hyper-aware of her body and how her clothes fit on her. There were a few occasions where she caught herself checking in the mirror to see if she'd gained weight in the past month, because she could have sworn that jacket hadn't been _this_ tight on her the last time she wore it. And there was one particular morning when she almost had a breakdown because she couldn't find anything to wear that _didn't_ make her want to tear her skin off. As she sat on her bed sobbing, she thought, _I need to pull it together and suck it up or I'm going to be late for class._

And of course, there was the pain that she'd tried to bury for so long. Because she wasn't using her usual (shitty) coping mechanisms anymore, it wasn't uncommon for her to have really intense nightmares, or cry a lot, or have a memory come up completely unprompted. She was still going to therapy, and that helped some, but there were still some days when it just felt like she couldn't deal. 

One night, she felt that goddamn invisible hand on her again. She buried her head in her pillow, willing it to go away. But it just wouldn't, and neither would the dirty feeling that came with it. Doing what she did when she was eleven, she took a shower, scrubbing away desperately to get rid of that dirty feeling. But still, she couldn't get rid of it. Frustrated, she started to cry, her tears mixing with the hot water. _Fuck him. Why did he have to do that to me?_

As she was getting dressed, she thought, _Maybe I'll feel better if I get drunk._ Then, remembering the promise she'd made, she groaned. _Goddamn it, why did I tell everybody I wasn't going to drink?_ She sat on her floor and sighed. Then she thought back to the last time she'd had a drink (crouching in her closet at home, before leaving to visit Rina), and realized she'd been sober for _six months._ "Well, why ruin it now?" she said to herself. "I should try for a _year_."

And, feeling just a little bit of hope, she sat on her bed and set about distracting herself from all thoughts of drinking. _I can do this._


	35. Chapter 35

She came home at the end of the semester, feeling much better. Her family was happy to see her. Mira, especially. Once home, they updated each other on their lives. Mira and her boyfriend were still together, and she'd met his parents. "They were really nice to me," she said. "His mom, especially, seemed to like me."

"Well, what's not to like? You care about people, you're smart, you know what you're going to do with your life. I mean, any parent would want their son to end up with someone like you."

She giggled. "Thanks."

Their parents invited the family (and family friends) over for the new year. Izumi invited Kuzon, figuring this would be a good chance for him to get to know everyone. "Does anybody know we're......?" he asked.

"Together? No, not yet. But we can tell them."

She saw that everyone was growing up. Kya, Bumi, and Suki's son Teo didn't come as much of a shock to her, because they'd all done that growing up together. But it seemed like Tenzin had almost doubled in height, and Lin's face had smoothed out from its childhood roundness.

She could remember when those two were babies, how Katara had taught her how to hold the infant Tenzin, how she'd asked Toph where Lin's dad was at the hospital. And Suyin.... it was _especially_ shocking. She could remember being nineteen years old and holding her in a store, and a lady came up to them and asked if that was her baby. Now that "baby" was an exuberant six-year-old. Where had the time gone? _Damn, now I know how Dad feels._

That afternoon, Izumi was tumbling on the grass. It had been a while since she'd done any gymnastics moves, so she started with simple moves. Cartwheels, roundoffs. Lin sat on the terrace, watching her. Chin in hand, she let her thoughts wander. 

Kuzon sat down next to the girl. He'd just been introduced to the family friends, and they were a colorful bunch, that was for certain. They filled a variety of roles, from police officer to waterbending master. He saw how they all exchanged banter, and how happy they were together. It was actually kind of endearing.

The girl next to him had black hair, green eyes, and a serious demeanor. Reminded him of his youngest sister a little bit. Short and reedy, she looked about twelve. He recognized her from one of the pictures on Izumi's dresser, except she was a bit older than that picture. "Well, hello, there."

She turned to see him. "I haven't seen you around here before. Who are you?"

"I'm Kuzon. One of Izumi's friends." He shook her hand. "And you are?"

"Lin Beifong."

"Oh, so you're Toph's daughter."

"Yeah." She regarded him with a quizzical expression. "Are you and Izumi dating?"

He could feel himself start to blush. _How does this kid know that?_ "Um... yes. How did you figure it out?"

"Your feet are positioned towards her, for starters. When you looked at her, you smiled a little bit. And when you two were in the dining room a half hour ago, she giggled and tossed her head a little when you were talking to her." She shrugged. "And besides, I don't think she would have invited you here if you _weren't_ together somehow."

 _Damn._ "That's impressive. You should be a detective."

"I want to be. Like my mom." She slid down from the terrace. "Well, nice talking to you..... Kuzon." 

Lin smiled as she watched Izumi do a back handspring. "Could you teach me how to do that?" 

This reminded her of the old days, when she'd teach her skills she'd learned. "Sure. But before we do anything, we have to stretch first."

"Right."

So they stretched. For some reason, Izumi was reminded of her gymnastics coach from high school and how..... _intense_ she was. "You know, my gymnastics coach used to hold _knives_ under our legs while we were stretching so we could keep them higher."

The younger girl gasped and gave her a horrified glance. "Isn't that _illegal_?"

" _Well....._ "

"Oh, come on, you're a second-year law student. Don't you think that'd be illegal, for a teacher to do something like that?"

"I mean, _technically,_ but this is a country where until recently, it was normal to challenge a thirteen-year-old to a duel. So by comparison, that's nothing." She got up. "Alright, I think that's good for now. So. You can do a back walkover, right?"

"Yeah, you taught me that."

"Okay, then. So, first, to approach it, you put your arms by your ears, swing your arms down and squat, then put your arms back up by your ears." She demonstrated the movement. "You want to lean back into it, kind of. Here, why don't you try that a couple times?"

"I really don't see how this is going to...."

"Just be patient. That's the first step to getting the move down."

"Fine."

It took a while, but by sunset, she was able to do a back handspring, albeit not perfectly. "You know," said Lin. "I actually.... I was meaning to talk to you about something."

"Well, what did you want to talk to me about?"

She scratched the back of her neck. "I have a crush on a guy, and.... I want to tell him, but I'm too scared."

Izumi smiled. "Who's the guy?"

"I'm _not_ telling." She sighed. "I just don't know what to say to him."

"Well, sometimes, you just have to seize the moment. Find a time when you two are alone, tell him you want to talk about something important, and then just... tell him how you feel. Even if he doesn't like you back, you'll feel better once you get it out."

"I guess I'll try that. Thanks." She looked down, then back at her. "It's just.... all my friends at school are beautiful and have boyfriends, and I feel out of place."

"What are you talking about? You're a pretty girl."

Lin smiled. "Thank you."

"Seriously, though, don't feel pressured to do what your friends are doing.They're them, and you're you. Just keep being yourself. There's always going to be somebody out there who likes that." She hugged her. "You've got this." 

At dinner that evening, Izumi could guess who this "guy" was. Lin blushed whenever Tenzin looked at her. She chuckled a little at the idea of those two dating. _How cute._

At one point, she looked towards Kuzon. "Should I tell them yet?" she whispered.

"Sure, go ahead. I'm sure they know already."

"What do you mean?"

"Lin guessed it almost immediately."

She nodded. _Yep, that's Lin for you._ "Okay, then."

So, a few minutes later, she cleared her throat and said, "Alright, so.... as some of you may have guessed, Kuzon and I are dating. Just wanted to put that out there."

 _I figured as much,_ thought Zuko. "Well, that's wonderful. I'm happy for you both."

"How long have you been together?" asked Mai.

She tried to think. When would she have called what they had "dating"? "Almost six months, I think."

"Are you going to get married?" asked Ursa.

Both parties blushed. " _Well...._ " said Kuzon. "We haven't really thought of that yet."

That night, as always, Izumi and her father set off fireworks. Kuzon couldn't help getting a little nervous for her, at which she laughed. "My dad and I have been doing this every year for the last fifteen years. We'll be fine."

They sat together, watching the fireworks. Because she figured now was a good time, she leaned in for a kiss.

Later, when they were alone, he told her he had something important to tell her. "What is it?"

"So I've been thinking about this for a while, but I wasn't sure if you'd be okay with it. I was thinking that... maybe I could move in with you? Not right away, but perhaps a month or so from now?"

She'd never lived with any of her partners. And quite frankly, she was touched by this offer of his, because it meant he wanted to share his life with her. "Kuzon, I'd love that, but your entire life is here. Your family, your friends, your _job_ , I mean...."

He looked her right in the eye. "I'd be willing to leave all that if it meant I could be with you."

"You mean that?"

"Yes." 

_Holy shit._ "Well," she said, smiling, "I'll see you there." She kissed him.


	36. Chapter 36

She spent the remainder of her time at home catching up with friends, and once again, she was amazed at how much everyone had changed. Hana was married. Zhi and his wife had just had a baby. A girl. "Can I hold her?" she asked.

"Sure." Miyako passed the infant to her.

The baby sure did look a lot like her father, but had her mother's eyes. "Hi, there, pretty girl," she cooed. "What's her name?"

"Naoki," answered Zhi.

She returned to school, feeling better and much more refreshed. One day at work, her boss remarked, "You know, you seem a lot happier these days."

She really did have a lot to be happy about. For the first time in a while, she was succeeding in both school and life. She enjoyed waking up without a hangover. The destructive impulses that had once governed her life were gone, almost completely. She'd repaired her relationship with her family. _And_ her boyfriend would move in with her soon.

She celebrated her twenty-fourth birthday two weeks after returning to school. The birthday she'd been told she might not live to see. And she spent it surrounded by her friends, opening presents, joking and talking, just enjoying herself. That night, she thought about what would have happened if she _hadn't_ gone to the hospital. Would she even be here? The idea of her parents having to watch her die at twenty-three gave her the shivers. _I am so lucky._

This fact dawned on Zuko, as well. He'd had many a sleepless night over her the previous year, when he could see her starting to die. He remembered how she'd cried desperately in the hospital, saying she didn't want to die. And he could hear from her voice that after years of slowly killing herself, it really was a desperate plea for her life, to reverse the damage. He remembered that that whole time, he was holding back tears. But over the last several months, he thought she'd done a great job of getting her life back. He called her that day, and she seemed much happier. "I love my life," she said at one point.

"That's great. I'm glad." Her enthusiasm was refreshing, really. "Well, I've got to go now. I love you, Turtleduck."

She smiled. She loved it when he used her childhood nickname, even if she _was_ twenty-four. "Love you, too, Dad."

Kuzon moved in with her not long after that. And it was then that she'd realized how much she'd missed him. She loved their life together. Curling up on the couch with him after a long day at work, or staying up talking with him just because she wanted to hear his voice. She felt a lot better sleeping next to him, simply knowing that he was there. She didn't think there was any one word that could sum up how she felt with him. Safe? Happy? Calm? _Complete_? She felt all those things with him.

He got a job very quickly, working for the city's newspaper. Because of his experience, he was hired as an editor. He'd chosen to major in journalism because he loved everything about the field: the stories, the people, the _speed_ of it all. When he told her the news, she could see how happy it made him.

She saw his positive outlook on life, despite everything he'd experienced, and sought to follow that example. He advised her not to take herself so seriously. "It helps to laugh at yourself every once in a while."

Still, they had their bad days sometimes. They were both prone to bouts of depression. It hurt her to hear him talk bad about himself, and she'd try to talk him out of those thought spirals. And if he told her he needed space, she'd give him his space.

For the most part, she'd been able to forget what happened to her all those years ago. But one day at work, she thought she heard her abuser's laugh and felt small and terrified all over again. And when she got home, she was still feeling dirty. That night, Kuzon hugged her from behind, and she flinched. "What's the matter, baby?"

She saw his face and realized he genuinely didn't know what was going on. "I- excuse me." And she retreated to her room, where she curled up in a ball on the bed, wanting to disappear, to not feel anything. It was like her body was screaming at her. 

She must have spent at least an hour in there before she worked up the courage to go out there and tell him. She sat across the table from him, looking drawn and miserable. "Did something happen?" he asked.

"In a way." She sighed, then explained everything. "I was reminded of that today."

"Izumi, I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do....."

"By this point, I know it's going to keep popping up over and over again, so I don't think there's much you can do other than be there for me."

He nodded and gave her a small smile. "Alright. That I can do."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

* * *

As time went on, she realized she wanted this arrangement to be permanent. She was ready to settle down with him for the rest of her life. It made sense. When she thought about her future, she couldn't see anyone else in it but him. So, one evening, after they'd been living together for about a month and a half, she decided to tell him.

When she told him he had something important to tell her, he had no way of knowing what it was. And this uncertainty made him nervous, but excited. "What is it?" he asked, sitting on the couch next to her.

"I've been thinking about this for a while now. But I've realized that..... this little thing we have? I love it. I've loved sharing my life with you. And when I think about the future, I don't see myself with anybody else but you. I want to wake up next to you every day for the rest of my life, start a family.... I want all of it." She sighed. _Cut to the chase, Izumi._ "I guess what I'm saying is, will you... will you marry me?"

 _Wow._ He couldn't see himself with anybody else, either. But marriage was a big step. And being married to the _princess,_ no less.... But he felt something for her, something he wouldn't feel for just anyone. "Yes."

"You mean it?"

"Of course I do." He chuckled a little. "I imagine it's going to be a big deal, us being engaged."

"Yes. _Definitely._ Once my dad hears about this, you know he's going to go all out with the celebrations." She turned to look at him. "But you don't mind it, do you?"

"Not at all." Not if it meant he could spend the rest of his life with her.


	37. Chapter 37

As soon as Zuko got off the phone with his daughter, he felt a whole flood of emotions. Shock (his daughter was getting _married_!), happiness for her, and excitement for the upcoming event. He excitedly relayed this to Mai.

She shook her head. "Wow. I can't believe it."

"I know. Me neither."

Meanwhile, the couple was making plans for an engagement party, working around their busy schedules and the geographic scattering of their family and friends. Thankfully, they were able to find a weekend where everyone could be in the same place at the same time.

"So what are royal weddings like?" asked Kuzon.

She rolled her eyes. "They're a whole big thing. There's an orchestra, lots of fancy food, custom-made clothes that you'll only wear once..... sometimes, the celebration can last for _days,_ I'm not kidding." She sighed. "That's why I want this engagement party to be more subdued."

The engagement party was, while definitely subdued in comparison to the average royal wedding, a joyous occasion. Each guest congratulated the couple. The parents were especially enthusiastic. Kuzon's mother, being the physically affectionate person she was, hugged them both. "I'm so proud of the both of you. You've come so far."

Izumi smiled. This woman had seen her through everything in the last few years, so she had reason to be proud. "Thank you, Fen."

The families got to know each other. Kuzon's youngest sister Akiko was surly as ever, but she seemed to warm up to Mira that evening. Izumi saw the girls chatting like they'd been friends their whole lives.

Zuko found Kuzon's family very sweet, and he could easily see how they raised such an amazing, kind young man. Mai thought so, too, but when her husband asked her opinion of them once dinner was over, she just said, "They're alright."

As the couple sat on the couch together, Mira and Rina came up to them with a basket. They both knew what the girls were about to do. A Fire Nation tradition. Izumi giggled as they flung the basket and little white flower petals landed on them. "Who's going to clean that up, huh?" But she hugged Mira and laughed. "I love you guys."

Mai remembered when Ty Lee did that to her and Zuko at _their_ engagement party. At the time, not pleased about having a bunch of flower petals stuck in her hair, she narrowed her eyes at her. But now, watching the same thing happen to her daughter, she just laughed.

At the end of the night, as the guests were leaving, her parents were the last to go. Zuko hugged her and kissed her forehead. "I'm proud of you, really, I am."

"Thanks, Dad."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Look, if you ever start to feel down on yourself, just know that you have people who love you. You have us, you have Kuzon...."

She smiled. "I know."

"Good." He patted her on the shoulder. "Alright, then. It's late. We'll let you two get your sleep."

"Bye."

"Bye."

They sat on the couch together, tired and happy. "I had fun tonight."

"Me, too." But his mind was somewhere else. At the party, Akiko had been pretty restless, and after the meal, he'd seen her sneak off to the bathroom. He knew he shouldn't worry about her so much because she was an adult now, but this was his little sister.

As they sat there in silence, Izumi felt like something was off with him. She put a hand on his arm. "What's the matter?"

He sighed. "I'm worried that my sister's relapsing. She was acting weird the whole night."

"Did you talk to her about it?"

"No, I didn't want to mention it here. But I'll try talking about it with her later. I mean, I've told her multiple times that she could tell me anything."

"Well, that's good. And I'm sure she knows that you care about her."

After a bit, he said, "Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the mood."

"Oh, who cares about the _mood_?"

He chuckled. "I love that we can talk about stuff like this."

"I do, too." She leaned into him a bit. "I can tell we're already in for a good marriage."

"Well, we're as good as married now, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I guess we are."


	38. Chapter 38

That summer, Izumi went home, bringing her husband-to-be. The wedding was to be held around the end of the summer, and it was all the family could talk about. There was a lot of preparation to be done over the next two months, and her father was sparing no expense.

Kuzon spent the first few days in a state of shock. He was marrying the first girl he'd ever really loved, _and_ marrying into the royal family. If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up!

The days that followed were pretty busy. Lessons in etiquette, fittings of clothes. But in the evenings, when everything was quieter, the two would sit outside together and enjoy each other's company. She always liked being in the garden at night. "You know," she said one night. "When I was little, Iroh and I would sit out here. And usually, we wouldn't say much. But sometimes, he'd point out little things, like, say, a plant sprouting, and he'd tell me how life goes on." She smiled at the memory. "Despite everything, life goes on."

He nodded. He'd met Iroh a few days earlier and was impressed by the man's wisdom. That seemed like something he'd say. "Speaking of Iroh.... is he doing alright these days? He looks very, very ill."

 _Thanks, Kuzon._ "We're not completely sure." She rested her chin on her hands and sighed. "Mira says she's seen him have moments where he's not all the way there mentally, and he'll start asking for Lu Ten. His son, who's been dead for.... almost forty years, actually."

"Wow, that's really sad. What does she usually tell him?"

"She always tells him he's traveling and he'll be back soon. Doesn't want to break his heart. But I don't think it's that he doesn't know Lu Ten's dead. I think he's asking for him _because_ he's dead, and he wants to join him." She shook her head. "I know this had to happen at some point, but.... he's been like a grandfather to me. So I guess part of me was hoping it wouldn't."

She spoke with Iroh as much as she could that summer. Something told her their time together was limited. Even in his current state, he was still able to give her sound advice. And she'd listen intently, wondering how much more time she had left to hear his voice. One time, he saw the look on her face and said, "I'm alright. You don't need to worry about me."

She nodded, just wishing this was true. "I know."

Kuzon was still thinking about the situation with his sister. She'd claimed to have had a "slip-up" and promised to start getting help again, but something about the way she'd said it didn't feel right. And because she was away, at a friend's summer place with some girlfriends of hers, he had no way of checking on her to make sure she was okay for about a month and a half. He could remember when she was thirteen and how much it hurt him to hear her throwing up, because he knew she was hurting herself. He tried not to worry too much about her now, but he couldn't help but wonder if she was going through that all over again.

The family friends came a few weeks before the wedding was to take place. Izumi hugged Lin when she saw her. "What's new with you?"

The girl looked down and smiled. "I did what you said, and I finally told Tenzin."

"And? What did he say?"

"Well, we're dating, so I guess that tells you enough."

"That's great! I'm so happy for you!"

The night before the wedding, there was a celebratory dinner. But after the meal was over and everyone else had left the table, Izumi and her father sat together. For a while, they didn't say anything. But then she broke the silence. "So, you're watching me get married _and_ turning the big five-zero in the same week! That must feel strange, huh?"

"It certainly does."

"I wanted to ask, are you and Mom still happy together? After all that time?"

"Of course we are. Why do you ask?"

"After my last boyfriend and I ended things a few years ago, I talked to Iroh about it, and he said we fizzled out because there was no substance. And I was wondering.... what if Kuzon and I don't have any substance, either?" She knew it was a ridiculous thing to worry about, but still, she worried.

He smiled. "Having second thoughts about getting married?"

"Well, no, I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. But what if that changes over the years?"

"Knowing you two, I can tell that you have something real. That other relationship wasn't much more than a fling, and that's why it fizzled out. And besides, sometimes, you just have to take the chance." He put a hand on her shoulder. "It's going to be alright. I promise."

She sighed. "Honestly, I think I'm just nervous."

"I know. And that's normal. It feels like a big deal. But it's not as scary as it seems. In fact, it'll feel like the best thing you've ever done."

* * *

Izumi spent the next morning getting ready in the royal spa. Then, feeling refreshed, she got into her dress. It took a few hours for her hair and makeup to be done, but when she looked in the mirror at the finished product, she knew it was worth it.

Once _he_ was finished getting ready, Kuzon wanted to see her in her dress, but Mira and Rina barred him from entering the room. "It's bad luck," said Rina.

"I don't believe in that."

"I'm not sure if it's _actually_ bad luck, but if it was, you wouldn't want to mess with it, would you?" sighed Mira.

"You're right."

The girls led her down the stairs once she was done getting ready. And she was greeted with applause.

When he finally got to see her, he gasped. She was beautiful as always, but her wearing the dress and having the elaborate hairstyle (with flowers in it, too) cemented the fact that _this was really happening._

They were married that evening, in the great hall. Both of their hearts pounded as they went through the rituals. And as they sat at their designated table together, she put her hand over his. Her _husband._ He was hers now, and she was his.

"Welcome to the family," said Mai at the reception. Then she looked over at her husband. She knew that ever since their daughter was little, he'd been nervous of her growing up and having men in her life. But he seemed to be at peace with this.

Zuko looked at their daughter and her.... _husband._ He had to admit, it was a bit confronting. But he'd stopped thinking of her as a little girl. Over the last several years in particular, he'd watched her grow up, into the person she was now. And he saw the way this man loved her. He was confident that he'd take care of her the way he ought to. "Yes, welcome to the family." 


	39. Chapter 39

"May your first marriage be as fulfilling as my second." Those were the last words of Ursa's toast to the newlyweds. And, knowing that her grandmother had found hope in Ikem after her disastrous first marriage, Izumi knew immediately how much weight and meaning this statement carried.

The family left for Ember Island the day after the wedding. Her parents were kind enough to get the couple a little place of their own. "I figured you two would like some privacy," said her father.

This vacation was almost perfect for Izumi and Kuzon. They could already spend hours just enjoying each other's company, and a peaceful place like this was ideal for that activity. Most nights, they would go for long walks on the beach, watching the waves lap at the sand. After everyone had left, there was nobody but them, the ocean, and the stars.

Zuko turned fifty, surrounded by an ever-growing group of family and friends. With everyone seated around him that evening, all he could think of was how far everyone had come, and the life he'd made for himself. Looking back on the events of his life, he saw everybody laughing and joking and marveled at how they'd all come out unscathed. His sister was, while not the same, actually happy. His mother was happily married to a man who loved her, as was his daughter. Everything had turned out alright.

One day, Izumi and her husband were in the attic when she heard him say, "Well, _you_ were a cute little girl."

"What?" She went over to see what he was looking at, and saw him looking at a picture from when she was eight. In it, she was with her parents, and she was wearing her very first pair of glasses. She remembered how she felt wearing them, like the world was suddenly clear again. The morning after the fall, when she'd woken up with blurry vision, had been scary, but with the glasses, it was like everything was okay again.

"You and your tiny glasses." He chuckled. "So adorable."

She looked at the picture and could feel herself starting to tear up. At that time, she believed that her parents were always going to protect her. Even after she fell out of that window, her father was there to calm her down, tell her everything would be alright. It would hurt that little girl to know what would happen to her in the years that followed. Kuzon looked over at her. "Izumi? Are you okay?"

She blinked back the tears. "Yeah, I'm okay. It's just.... a little strange, reliving these memories I almost forgot about."

They returned home at the end of that week. It was a return to the routine, pretty much. Their life together was calm, quiet, easy. They had their little quarrels here and there, but they were always able to make up afterwards.

A few months later, Izumi noticed she was feeling a bit out of sorts. One morning, she got a slight headache after class. The headaches soon became a regular occurrence, which worried her husband. "What do you think it is?" he asked once.

"I don't fucking know." She gritted her teeth and pressed a hand against her temple.

"Well, do you want to see a doctor about it?"

"No, the headaches are tiny. I'll be okay."

Still seeing the concerned expression on his face, she said, "Seriously. I'm fine. I don't think it's anything to worry about."

Then there was the frequent exhaustion. It was to the point where she'd be asleep on the couch almost as soon as she got home from work. And she'd wake up two hours later, wondering just what the hell _that_ was.

The dizzy spells came next. At first, they were small and only lasted a few seconds. But one night, as she was coming back from the bathroom, she felt her legs give way, and she fell. The sound awoke Kuzon. "What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

Both of their parents came out to visit them a month later. That entire day, she felt a rising nausea that she couldn't quell. It was to the point where she couldn't eat. "Why aren't you eating?" asked her mother-in-law.

"Oh, I'm just feeling a little sick." She attempted a smile. "It'll pass, though."

But as the meal went on, the nausea got progressively worse. Eventually, she had to excuse herself to throw up. _What is happening to me? Am I coming down with something?_

When she returned to the table, everyone looked worried. "What's the matter?" asked her father.

"No idea." She sighed. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go get something for my stomach." And with that, she went to the drugstore.

At the counter, she asked, "Do you have anything for an upset stomach?"

"Yes, I do. What's the issue?"

"Nausea."

The lady gave her a small smile. "Is it the female trouble?"

"No."

"Morning sickness?"

She hadn't thought of that. "I don't think it's anything like _that._.."

The lady just took a bottle off of the shelf and gave it to her. "Here you are, miss."

The vomiting, as well, became a regular occurrence. Some days were better than others. But sometimes, she'd have to miss classes or work because of it. _Do I have the flu or something?_

"Okay," said Kuzon after a few weeks of this. "We have to get this checked out."

"Well, I have to go to the doctor to get my blood drawn next week. We can ask about it then."

The doctor came back with her blood work after the appointment. "Well," he said. "You're mildly anemic, but everything else looks pretty normal. But I wanted to ask, is there any way you could be pregnant?"

She tried to think. "I..... _maybe?_ I mean, I don't really know. Why?"

"Something else came up in your blood work. You're pregnant."

 _Wow._ They hadn't expected it to be so soon, but it wasn't like they'd been _avoiding_ it, either. So she was going to be a mother! This certainly was a lot to take in.

Kuzon hugged his wife excitedly. _I'm going to be a father!_ "That's great!"

"Y-yeah, it is." She knew she'd be in for a wild ride, but that it would all be worth it.


	40. Chapter 40

The parents were informed of this almost immediately. "I didn't have the flu," said Izumi. "I'm pregnant."

Mai paused. It _had_ occurred to her during their last visit, when she went off to throw up. But now it was official. She would be a grandmother. "Wow, that's great! I'm happy for you, honey." _I want to see Zuko's face when he hears this._ "One second, let me get your father."

When she heard her father's voice on the other end, she relayed the news to him. For the longest time, he went silent. There were so many thoughts racing through his head as she said that. He could remember when she was a baby herself! It was pretty strange, to think of her having a baby of her own. And what would it be like, being a grandfather? "That's..... that's amazing!"

"Yeah, I'm pretty excited. And nervous, but..... mostly excited." He could almost see her smile.

For both families, this would be the first grandchild, so it was a pretty big deal. Ursa gave her granddaughter a whole list of precautions. "Don't climb hills, don't cross a narrow bridge, don't stand on one foot...."

" _Grandma._ I'll be _fine._ "

"I know."

Things were still pretty difficult. Most of the time, she felt sick and generally uncomfortable. But she reminded herself to push through it. And besides, she had her husband to help her. He would hold her hair out of her face when she was sick, let her fall asleep on his shoulder every evening. She grew to love the child growing inside her, even if she didn't really know it.

Unfortunately, the bliss was soon marred. Zuko, knowing that his beloved uncle would soon die, had had him moved into the palace. _I want to be there when it happens._ As time passed, he started to get worried. Izumi would return home soon. He knew she got depressed easily, and this could ruin her entire semester. And with her in her condition, too..... There was many a night when he cried, out of frustration. 

When the family visited home, they all knew what was going to happen. Izumi gulped when she saw Iroh that first day. He was half-asleep, but when she approached him, he stirred a bit and woke up. "It's me," she said.

He smiled when he saw her. "So. I hear you're expecting a baby."

"You heard right."

"It doesn't feel like that long ago that your mother was pregnant with you." He shifted a little. "How do you feel about it?"

"Well.... the whole thing seems pretty intimidating, giving birth and all that. But I quite like the idea of being a mother. And of Kuzon's child, too."

"It's understandable that you feel intimidated. But it is just a part of life." After a bit, he added, "You know, birth and death are simply two of life's many transitions. They both involve crossing from one side to another."

The way he brought up death like that scared her a bit. "Iroh, please...."

"Do not worry, Izumi. We will be alright, the both of us." He nodded towards her. "When you have your child, your life will change."

"I know."

"Do you really?" He yawned. "Well, I'm starting to get a little tired. I think I'll go to sleep now."

And that was the last conversation they had.

Iroh passed away, surrounded by his family. Anxiously, they all watched him die. It was a smooth merge, from life to death. No struggle. Just acceptance of what was inevitable.

Izumi told herself not to cry. But in the bathroom that night, when nobody was with her, she burst into tears. The man who'd taught her to play pai sho, passed onto her his taste in tea, taught her to appreciate life, was _gone._ Forever.

During the funeral, she sat up straight, determined to keep her poise. She could tell her father was trying to do the same, but it was a big effort for him. But when everyone convened afterwards, as she was sitting by his side, he started to cry. This was the first time she'd ever seen him cry. It was a bit strange, seeing him in this state. She put an arm around him. "It's okay, Dad. It's okay."

Despite her best efforts, she was crying, too. The words to the song popped into her head. Shakily, she started to sing. "Leaves from the vine, falling so slow, like fragile tiny shells, drifting in the foam."

He joined in. "Little soldier boy. come marching home. Brave soldier boy comes marching home." He gave her a small smile. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"It's what he would have wanted."

* * *

Even after she left, she felt this deep, deep sadness. Everything hurt, and it hurt too deeply. She cried almost every day, and she'd wake up questioning the purpose of going through the motions of her day. Sometimes, she'd find herself thinking about going back to her old coping methods, but knew she shouldn't.

Kuzon could tell that the death had affected her deeply. He knew he couldn't understand the gravity of what had just happened, but what he _could_ do was offer his support wherever needed, and that he did.

One day, though, realizing just _how_ low she was, he suggested she start going to a support group. "I think it would help, to talk about it."

She thought about this for a bit. Was she ready to talk about it? Then she remembered that she had to deal with it, even if it was hard. That was the only way she could move on.

So, after work one evening, she went. It was a group of people like herself, who'd lost someone important in their lives, who'd suffered with alcoholism and other ills and were trying to move on with their lives. She was a bit reluctant to talk at first, but when the moderator noted she hadn't shared anything the whole time, she introduced herself and decided to say her piece.

"I'm Izumi."

"Hi, Izumi."

"So.... a lot of things have happened in my life, actually. I had an eating disorder for years. I used to drink too much. But it hasn't been _all_ bad. I got married. I found out I was pregnant recently." She sighed. "There was a death in my family, just a month ago. He was really important to me, and losing him was just.... devastating. Over the last few weeks, I've found myself thinking things like, 'Oh, maybe if I have a drink, I'll feel better.' But I can't, because..." She gestured to her belly and chuckled a little. "I guess, in a way, my kid's saving my life. But, anyway.... that's why I'm here."

She got nods and acknowledgement from the other participants. "Well, we're here for you," said the moderator.

"Thank you. I'm glad."

She walked out into the night, feeling just a little better. _I can get through this._


	41. Chapter 41

The next months were easier. She had a lot more energy, and despite everything that had happened, she was feeling much better. The changes in her body took some getting used to, but she reminded herself that they were necessary.

Whenever she was out, her attention would often be drawn to children. Babies in their mothers' arms. The little girl skipping rope on the sidewalk. And whenever she'd see them, she'd think about how they all started out. They grew inside some mother, like herself. And, upon making that realization, she'd have to pause and think about that. _I'm going to bring_ that _into this world. I can't believe it._

There were so many milestones over those months. The first day she made it without throwing up. The day she noticed, in front of the mirror, that she was showing. The first fluttery kick she felt. Some nights, she and Kuzon would talk or read to the baby, both looking forward to when they'd see it in person.

She still insisted on going to work, even when her belly was starting to stretch and make her ache. Her husband asked once if she wanted to take a break from working. She rolled her eyes. "I'm pregnant, not made of _glass._ "

He chuckled a little. Yes, this was the woman he'd married. "Right, right. But you're in a lot of pain most of the time. Don't you want to get some rest?"

"I'm fine." Not certain if he was satisfied with this, she doubled down. "I'm not doing any heavy lifting or working in hot weather. I'm just sitting at a desk. I _promise_ you, I'll be okay."

"Okay." He smiled. "I just want to make sure you're safe."

"I know. That's why I love you."

It was late spring, when the days were longer, but the air was still cool. The semester was ending, and Izumi, being about six months pregnant, sat in the park that afternoon, just enjoying the day. A woman was next to her. She looked a bit older than she was, thirty, perhaps. Her hair was black, her skin tan. She looked at Izumi and smiled a bit. "A boy, I take it?"

"How can you tell?"

"You're carrying low." She extended her hand. "Lina."

She shook it. "Izumi."

"You know, I have a boy myself."

She looked at the group of boys playing, shrieking with laughter. "Which one's yours?"

Lina pointed to a small boy in green. "Him."

"How old is he?"

"Six. They're little rascals at that age. But my son is _adorable_ , so I guess he gets a pass for that."

Both women laughed. "He sure is."

After a bit, Lina asked, "Is this your first?"

"Yeah. I'm a bit nervous, but mostly excited."

"I tell you, it'll be difficult, but very rewarding." She smiled as she watched the boys play. "I really love my son, even when he gives me trouble."

Just then, the boy ran over to his mother. "Mommy!"

"Hey there, Kai."

He climbed into her lap, and she wrapped her arms around him. Izumi saw the way she looked at her son, and that there was so much love in that gaze. _Mother_ love. _Will I love my child like that?_

"Mommy, can we go home now?"

"Yes." They both got up, and she turned to Izumi. "Well, goodbye. It was nice meeting you, Izumi. And.... good luck."

"Thank you."

She and Kuzon showed up at Mira's graduation. Afterwards, there were the pictures, the obligatory cascade of hugging. When she got to Izumi, she said, "I still can't believe I'm going to be an aunt."

"Yeah, around the end of the summer."

She shook her head and laughed. "Wow. I mean, there's a lot happening. I just graduated, I'm going to medical school.... and I'm going to be an aunt, too." 

The summer was one of waiting. Everyone was looking forward to the baby, and Izumi found herself wondering when and where she would go into labor. Her mother had gone into labor in the middle of dinner. Perhaps it would be the same for her. Or later in the night, when the pain would wake her up. Or maybe even out in public. She tried not to worry too much about it, though. 

It certainly wasn't pleasant, being pregnant in that muggy, thick heat. She tried to stay inside as much as possible. The children crowded around her, being curious about this whole business of pregnancy. Lin asked her a bunch of questions about it one afternoon. "Is it going to hurt?"

"What, giving birth?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then, yes, it's going to hurt. A lot."

"Then why do you want to do it?"

"Because I know it's going to be worth it." And it was true.

There was another time when she let them feel the baby kick. "It's like it's _dancing_ ," said Suyin in astonishment.

One evening, she and Kuzon sat together outside. She sat in his lap, his hand resting on her burgeoning middle. She could feel herself starting to sweat, but at least it was much cooler than it had been during the day. She'd been feeling little contractions the entire day, but she hadn't been sure if they were "real" or not. Just then, she felt another one. This time, it was bigger, and left no doubt as to what would happen. She gritted her teeth. 

She'd been in constant pain over the last few months, and while he knew she could handle it, it still worried him. "What is it?"

"Contraction." She took a deep breath. "I'll be okay. I'm sure it's just the beginning."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead. 

Throughout the night, she kept feeling them. _Stay calm, stay calm,_ she reminded herself. Her mother, knowing what was happening, held her hand. As everyone else was about to go to bed, she felt something drip down her leg and clapped a hand over her mouth. Her mother looked over. "Oh, it's okay, honey, your water's breaking. Here, let me just....." She helped her up.

 _It's happening!_ Kuzon got up from his seat. "Here, I've got her other arm." And with that, they both escorted her to her room.


	42. Chapter 42

Kuzon sat by his wife's side that night. The doctor suggested he go and get some sleep, but he stayed, because he didn't want to leave her in her hour of need.

"Please," she said at around midnight. "You look tired. At least get a little bit of sleep. I'll be okay for now."

But just after saying that, she cried out in pain. Almost reflexively, he grasped her hand. "Are you _sure_ about that? I really....."

Once it had passed, she said, "I mean it. I'll be fine. If you really don't want to leave my side, just take a nap in your chair."

"Alright. If you say so." He _was_ getting tired, he noticed, but still feeling uneasy, he decided to hold off on sleeping for just a little bit.

Zuko couldn't help but worry about his daughter. He knew she was in pain, and for once, there was nothing he could do about it. Not being allowed in the room, he worried about what was happening and whether she'd be okay. He channeled this nervousness into pacing around outside. Mai saw him as she was leaving the room and told him to relax. "She's doing fine, don't worry. Why don't we just go to bed? We can go see her in the morning."

"Well....." He sighed. "Fine."

"I know. You feel like you can't help her. But she'll be alright. She's tough. And besides, she's got Kuzon and the doctor with her." She smiled and put an arm around him. "Come on. Let's go to bed. We'll see her- and our grandchild- in the morning."

The early hours of that morning remained sharp in Izumi's memory for years to come. The sweat poured down her face. She squeezed Kuzon's hand so hard she left marks from her fingernails. His voice was calm, telling her to breathe, even though she knew that inside, he was still panicking.

At five, her son was born. She held him that morning, feeling, amidst her exhaustion, a wave of love for this little boy. He had a slight dusting of dark hair, and while he looked a lot like his father, he had his mother's eyes.

Kuzon felt like he would cry, out of sheer joy. "Can.... can I hold him?"

"Yeah, just remember to support his head." She passed the infant to him. 

_His_ son. He couldn't believe it. The tears finally made their way out of his eyes. Just then, he heard his wife's voice again. "A- are you _crying_?"

"....yeah."

Later that morning, the rest of the family came to see them. They gushed over how cute he was, asked to hold him. While everyone was preoccupied, she was thinking of names. _Iroh_ , she thought. _I want to honor his legacy._

When her father approached, she smiled. "Hey, Dad."

"How are you holding up?"

"Pretty good considering." She yawned.

"Can I...."

"Sure."

Zuko smiled as he held the baby. He was cute, that was for certain. "Looks like his daddy."

"Yeah, I carried him for nine months _just_ so he could come out looking like his dad." The three of them laughed.

"What are you going to name him?"

"Iroh."

Hearing that name was almost enough to make him tear up. "Wow, I...."

She nodded solemnly. "You know, Iroh taught me a lot over the years, and.... I suppose this is my way of thanking him."

He kissed her forehead. "He would be proud."

After a bit, she yawned again. "I think I'm going to sleep now. I didn't get any sleep the entire night."

"Alright then, get some rest. I'll see you later."

* * *

The baby Iroh was pretty quiet, as far as babies go. But still, he'd sometimes wake his parents up with his crying, which oftentimes, wasn't even for a physical reason.

One day, Izumi, having gotten six hours of broken sleep the previous night, sat in the living room with her week-old son on her chest and sighed. "I'm worried that the mother instincts aren't kicking in yet."

"They will soon enough," said her mother.

"It's been a _week,_ though." _What if I don't have them at all?_

That afternoon, Kuzon offered to take the boy outside with him. "I just want to show him around."

She was about to protest this, but figured it couldn't do any harm. "Okay, then."

When it started to rain, Izumi could feel herself getting worried. What would happen to the baby if he was out in the rain? He was so little! After sitting there for a few minutes, worrying, she got up and went outside, seeing her husband still walking _in the rain,_ holding Iroh! She ran over to them.

"Kuzon, what the hell were you thinking? Having him out here in the rain....." She wasn't really angry with him, though. In fact, she didn't know _what_ had come over her.

"We were just about to go inside. It's okay." She loved their son so much that she was willing to come out here and soak her clothes through to make sure he was safe. He actually found it kind of touching. "Really. It's okay."

"O-okay. It's just that I'd feel a lot better if he _wasn't_ out here in this weather. I mean, he could get sick...."

They came back in, and Mai smiled at her daughter. "I don't think you need to worry about your mother instincts."


	43. Chapter 43

Once they returned home, it wasn't exactly easy. Izumi agreed to take a (brief) break from school those first few weeks so they could switch off taking care of him. But eventually, because of their busy schedules, they hired a nanny. The first day they left him with her, Izumi was a little worried. "He can get fussy for no reason sometimes, so if that happens, walk him around. And don't leave him on a chair, I know he can't roll yet, but who knows, maybe he might. And...."

Kuzon put a hand on her shoulder. "She's got it."

"I know."

There were lots of visits from family and friends, who would never pass up an opportunity to see the new baby. Iroh seemed to take a liking to his grandparents and aunts, letting himself be passed between several pairs of hands every time. Lin was one of the most frequent visitors, and even though she got nervous around small children, he started to like her, too. It was to the point where he'd cry when she had to leave.

It was nice, watching him grow up. It was almost like he started crawling overnight. He said his first word, "mama", while sitting with his mother on the living room floor. One day, she came home to see him pulling himself up using a table. _Standing already?_ "Look at you! Standing up already! You're getting so big." He really was.

She graduated from law school, her husband and son watching her. She stared down at everyone from the stage. A lot had changed. She was a mother, a wife, and now she held a law degree. This was just the beginning.

"So, what's next?" asked Kuzon.

"After this, I'm going to go full-time at my job, and hopefully get appointed as a representative in the near future."

Iroh already had a little friend, Naoki. She was, by now, two-and-a-half. They played together a lot that summer. She'd try to show him how to finger paint, or they'd roll on the ground together. And the parents would laugh and marvel at how cute they were.

He took his first steps in the palace garden, in full view of most of the family. Izumi almost couldn't believe her eyes. "Yes, that's it, walk to Mommy!" And when he made it to her, she held him.

They celebrated his first birthday around the end of the summer. A year had gone by so fast. His parents could hardly believe it. By now, he had grown from that helpless little baby to a robust toddler with a full head of hair and large eyes.

At twenty-seven, Izumi became the youngest member of the United Republic Council, having been offered this position for her work ethic and experience with politics. She gained a reputation around city hall for being very cold and controlled, but at home with her family, she was soft and loving. Spending time with her son was always the highlight of her day. She'd read to him, play games with him, sing him songs, or just hold him until he fell asleep. Becoming a mother was probably the best thing that had happened to her.

She attended her first official event as a councilwoman, her husband at her side. "So, am I supposed to do anything?" he asked that night as they got ready.

"Not really. Just make small talk with people, and....." She smirked. "Perhaps make the women jealous."

"So, basically, I'm going to be your arm candy this evening."

"Exactly, gorgeous." She giggled and kissed his cheek.

He couldn't help but chuckle to himself. "Yep, still got it."

For a while, everything was good. Iroh grew up in a happy home, with loving parents. Izumi loved her life. Things were easy. Until they weren't. 


	44. Chapter 44

Ursa had lived out the last thirty years quite well. A calm, peaceful life with her husband and daughter, and when her daughter grew up and had a family of her own, just her husband. She still spent her time helping out at the local theater, and with her son, helped revive the country's theater tradition.

She celebrated forty years with her second husband, surrounded by her family. She'd watched everyone grow up, seen them all at their best and worst. The years where her granddaughter was struggling were particularly sharp in her mind. She remembered telling her, "I saw you when you came into this world, and I don't want to see you leave it." But she also remembered the relief that came with seeing her bones finally submerged under her skin, the first genuine smile on her face in years. And in the years that followed, she'd seen her become a wife, mother, and world leader.

She'd had a good life. But at the end of that year, she knew that it would have to end soon. All good things must come to an end, after all. Now it was just a matter of when.

Her grandmother was there for Izumi's next birthday, and Mira's, and had seemed perfectly healthy on both occasions. So the news the girls received a month later shocked them.

Izumi had just come home from work and prepared herself a cup of tea when her grandfather called to tell her what had happened. Ursa had passed away the previous night, while they were both sleeping. Did she hear him right? "She's.... _dead_?"

"Yes."

The cup of tea fell from her hand. "Wow, I...."

"I'm so, _so_ sorry."

For the next few days, she tried to forget about it. First Iroh, and now her.... it was better just not to think about it. But they all had to come out for the funeral, and she had to face the reality of the situation. At the house in Hira'a, family and friends gathered to offer their condolences. There was nothing she could do but sit on the couch and close in on herself. She couldn't bear to speak to anyone, the members of the acting troupe reminiscing about years that were long gone, Ikem with his sad eyes.....

She tried to maintain her composure at the funeral. But as her grandmother's body was put on the pyre and set ablaze, she couldn't hold it in anymore. She hated how fast the tears were running out of her eyes. Goddamn it, she was supposed to be calm! The crown princess sobbing hysterically in a public place wasn't exactly a good look. She could feel her husband's hand on her shoulder, but that didn't help the immense shame she felt.

At the reception, her father held her. She desperately needed it. "I know," he whispered. "I miss her, too."

When she and Kiyi had some time alone together, for the longest time, they just sat, not saying anything. Then Kiyi sighed and, pointing to the red flowers outside, said, "Those were Mom's favorite."

"Yeah." She remembered seeing her tuck one behind her ear.

"Once, when I was little, it was her birthday, and I picked a bunch for her. She gave me a big hug and told me it was the best birthday gift ever."

For a while, they exchanged memories of Ursa, as mother to Kiyi and grandmother to Izumi. Ikem pulling her into the swimming hole, fully clothed, and her popping up with her hair sticking to her face, laughing. Learning to make different medicines in the kitchen with her. The tenderness with which she handled their injuries, including Izumi's self-inflicted cuts. Her soft voice singing them to sleep. "I sang that song to my girls."

"And I sing that song to Iroh."

It was like she was with them again, for just a little bit. They could almost hear her laugh, feel her presence. But they knew that they were only memories. Just then, Iroh wandered outside and climbed into his mother's lap. She wrapped an arm around him. "Mommy, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am, sweetheart. Thanks for looking out for me." But she didn't know if that was true.

The period that followed was very, _very_ difficult. She cried every day. Sometimes, she didn't have it in her to get out of bed or even eat. There were days when it felt safer just to sleep and not have to face the day. She tried to conceal her emotional state out in public, but those around her saw how tired and draggy she was. They saw that some mornings, her eyes were red from crying.

Kuzon knew she was going through a difficult time. The best he could do was offer his support wherever he could. There was many a night where he'd hold her as she cried.

About two weeks after the funeral, she bled. Very, very heavily. She hadn't even known she was pregnant, but from the way the blood was coming, she knew what had happened. After cleaning herself up, a thought crossed her mind. _I cannot tell Kuzon about this._ She sat down on the couch next to him, and he gave her a small smile and asked if she was doing okay. Just looking at him and thinking about what had just happened, she couldn't help it.

He never liked seeing her cry. And this time, she was crying particularly hard. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's okay."

"I'm just..." she gasped for breath. "I'm so fucking tired."

"I know, baby, I know." He rubbed her back. "Why don't we go to bed now? I'm sure you'll feel better after getting some sleep."

"Well-" Would she, though? "Alright."

That night, in their bed, she couldn't help but think about this whole thing. They could have had another child. Iroh could have had a sibling. It felt as if her body had failed her. As if she wasn't in control of it anymore. She looked over at her sleeping husband. He'd been a great help to her over the last two weeks, but surely, he'd get annoyed with her at some point, right? He'd get sick of having to comfort her and assure her all the time, and who knew? Maybe he'd leave her for somebody else one day. Somebody younger, prettier, more stable.... as she thought about it, she could feel the tears coming on. But, not wanting to cry in front of him again, she went to the bathroom instead.

As she got back into bed, she could feel him starting to stir a little. "Baby?"

"Yes?"

"Oh. Just wanted to make sure you were there, that's all." He reached an arm around her and held her to him, and she felt a little safer. _He loves me. For now._

She'd made some friends in her line of work, but her closest was probably Yanmei, the sister of the Earth Kingdom councilman. She was Izumi's age, but still unmarried. A party girl, she was very sociable and exuberant, and reminded her a bit of Rina. She noticed how low she was feeling and, one day, when they saw each other, she said, "I think I have just the thing to help you take your mind off it."

"And what would _that_ be?"

"Well, one of my friends is hosting a little get-together tonight. Maybe you could talk with some people, let loose a little.... I mean, you don't have to go if you don't want to."

Hmm.... that _did_ sound like a nice idea, though. An evening to just relax. "No, no, I want to go. When is it?"

"Seven-thirty, but you can show up anytime after that. She'll be okay with it." She gave her a small smile. "You're a mom, and you work in a high-power job. I'm sure you'd like a little time for yourself."

She told Kuzon she was going, and he figured this was what she needed. When she wasn't working, she spent most of her time cooped up inside, so maybe being out and about would make her feel a little better.

The party was a nice, casual affair. She talked to some people, laughed at their jokes. When left alone at the drink table, she briefly thought of having some, but remembered her promise to sobriety. But as she lingered, she thought, _Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can't I just have a drink and move on?_ She looked over at a very tempting bottle of sake. _I could use a drink in these times, anyways._


	45. Chapter 45

After having several drinks, she made her way home at around eleven. Everyone was already asleep. Their son in his room, looking completely angelic. She kissed his forehead. "Good night, my love."

In their bedroom, she got changed in the dark, then climbed in next to her sleeping husband. He reached an arm around her, and she leaned into him. She was still feeling warm and sleepy from the drinks, so she gave into it and fell asleep.

Kuzon had a slight suspicion that she'd been drinking that night, but realized it was a ridiculous thing to think. She'd been sober for more than five years. And besides, she didn't smell like it. The next morning, she was up before _he_ was, even, so he knew she _definitely_ hadn't been drinking. So _that_ was a relief.

That previous night, Izumi had realized how much she missed being drunk. The warm feeling that suffused her, the lack of control. For the first time in a while, she felt happy. _I could do that again._

About a week later, she was on her way home from a meeting. Because the topic pertained to the military, some soldiers had been there, one of whom tried to flirt with her when nobody was looking. His name and rank eluded her, but he must have been pretty high-ranking if he was bold enough to try that with _her_. At the end of the meeting, he asked her if she wanted to go to dinner with him that night, and she responded with a sly, "Hmm.... I'll have to ask my husband about that."

Seeing him blush and stutter afterwards was satisfying, but she still felt gross. And one thing was on her mind: getting drunk. She knew she couldn't walk into a bar without potentially causing a scandal, so in order to stay under the radar, she'd have to buy a bottle and wait until she was home, somewhere private. 

Walking to her apartment, a bottle of whiskey in her purse, it hurt her a little to think of Kuzon and Iroh and how this would disappoint them. _Oh, it's not like I'm addicted or anything._

Her son was glad to see her. "Mommy!" he squealed, hugging her legs.

"Ah, I missed you, Turtleduck!" She really had.

Her husband smiled. "We were waiting for you. Dinner's ready."

She didn't feel like eating. "Ooh, I'm not hungry. I'll come and eat later."

 _Uh-oh._ "Really, you're not?"

"Yeah, no." She sighed. "I've had an exhausting day. I'm going to go take a nap."

She really _did_ look spent. "Okay, then. I'll save you some."

Once in her room, she opened the bottle and drank. She liked the way it burned her throat, and the fiery feeling in her stomach. _Hell, yes._ Feeling sufficiently drunk, she stashed the bottle in the drawer where she kept her underthings. _He wouldn't look there._

By this point, she knew how to make it seem like she wasn't drunk. So when she walked out and joined her family, they didn't suspect a thing.

As they were clearing the dishes, Kuzon decided to ask it. "So what happened? How was the meeting?"

"Pretty bad." She sighed. "There were a bunch of soldiers there, and one of them was making eyes at me the whole time."

He felt a pang of jealousy at this. Another man had been flirting with his wife. "Did he know you were married?"

"I don't think so. But when he tried to ask me out, I said, 'Hmm.... I'll have to ask my husband about that.'"

They both laughed. But after that moment of levity, she put her head in her hands. "Still, though, I feel gross."

"Why?"

"When guys do that, it... it makes me feel like I'm an object. Like I'm just something to be looked at."

"Well, you're more than that." He put an arm around her. "You're smart, strong, beautiful, and so much more. It's not your fault that asshole doesn't see past the surface."

She could always count on him to say the right thing. "Thanks, honey."

Still, she kept feeling that slimy feeling. And that, in tandem with the food in her stomach, created that sudden, awful physical awareness that she hated. Her skin felt hot, too hot. Her dinner felt like a rock in her stomach. Finally, overcome with the urge, she ran to the bathroom while Kuzon was busy playing with Iroh and did what she hadn't done in years.

As she splashed water on her eyes and rinsed out her mouth, she thought, _They can't know about this. Nobody can._ Fuck, she was supposed to be _better!_

That night, she slept facing away from him. He reached an arm out to her, but she pushed it away. "Can you give me some space?"

"Okay."

* * *

It was a matter of time before she was fully immersed in her old vices once again. She didn't know what had come over her. But in a month's time, she found herself binging and purging at least twice a week, when she was home alone, or in public if she couldn't find a free moment. She had to get at least a little drunk to get through difficult situations. 

What hurt was that _nobody_ knew about this. Not her friends, not her family. Part of her wanted someone to notice, but another part of her feared the consequences of anyone knowing. It would be back to square one, back to inpatient.

That entire summer, Kuzon noticed something was off about his wife. She cried a lot still, and her eyes were always red. Just in general, everything about her looked... _swollen._ Her throat, her eyes, her face. She was unusually secretive, too, spending a lot of time alone. 

He knew Ursa's death had been really hard on her. But _this_ was upsetting. Every time he asked, though, she said she was fine. He didn't know _what_ was going on, but whatever it was, it wasn't good.


	46. Chapter 46

One evening, she and her husband went to an event together. It was a gala, of sorts. She wasn't much looking forward to it, for a number of reasons. She hated going out now, always feeling bloated and disgusting. She could just tell she'd gained weight and was sure other people noticed, even if Kuzon said otherwise every time she asked. Plus, because "everybody who's anybody" in Republic City would be attending, she was _pretty_ sure the soldier who flirted with her would be there. He'd gotten bolder, too, over the last few months, putting an arm around her when nobody else was looking. If he pulled that shit in front of her husband, she was going to lose it. Still, it would look odd if she didn't go.

As she brushed her hair in front of the mirror, she groaned. "I'm not looking forward to this at _all._ "

"Why not?"

"You know that guy who keeps flirting with me?"

Ah, yes. He was, once again, made painfully aware of the other man's existence. "Yes."

"I'm pretty sure he's going to be there. And if he tries that shit again....."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey. Don't worry about it. I can deal with him."

At the gala, Izumi wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there. Or better yet, hide under a table, like she did when she was little and there were unfamiliar guests over. Her dress felt too tight, the lights too hot. But she had to stick it out for the time being, force a smile, talk with her associates about resources, the national budget, how they were going to deal with the gangs, et cetera.

Seeing the family friends made it just a bit more bearable, though. Joking and talking with these people who'd known her since she was a baby let her forget about her problems for just a few minutes.

At one point, when she and Kuzon had a moment to sit down, she gulped as she saw the soldier approaching. "He's coming," she whispered.

"Point him out to me."

She pointed to him. "That guy, with the brownish eyes."

Kuzon looked him up and down. His uniform was red, so clearly a firebender. He didn't look a day older than twenty-five. His nose was small. Right now, he seemed to be towing the line between "delightfully tipsy" and "drunk". He got up from his seat and approached him before the other man could try anything. "Well, hello, there."

"Hello."

He shook his hand. "Kuzon. Prince of the Fire Nation. I mean, not to brag, of course." That was a lie. The boast was intentional.

"Well, since we're using titles, then I'm Commander Gao." The grin that spread across his face was utterly dopey. "What brings you out here?"

 _Okay, so he_ doesn't _know._ He pointed to his wife. "You see Izumi, the Fire Nation representative?"

"Yeah, I see her. I see her, alright."

He just _hated_ the way he said that. "Yeah. She's my wife, so I'm just.... here to offer her some moral support. Because I love her."

Gao's face changed. "....oh."

"So," said Kuzon, deciding to get right to it. "Word is, you haven't been treating my wife with the proper respect."

Now he was bright red. "Oh, no, I have...."

"She's told me everything." He was a bit angry still, but knew to maintain his composure. "You've been flirting with her, and you even put your _arm_ around her once."

"W-well, I didn't mean any disrespect, y-your Highness."

"Even if you didn't, it distressed her greatly."

"I-I'm sorry, I don't want any trouble."

"So you won't do that anymore?"

"I-I won't, I can guarantee you that, s-sir."

"Good." He gave him a smile with just the right amount of condescension. "Alright, nice talking to you. Enjoy your evening."

But as he was coming back to their table, he noticed Izumi was gone. Huh. Where had she gone?

As Izumi was walking back to her table, she hoped nobody had noticed her disappearance. But her heart nearly stopped when she saw her husband sitting there. _Shit._ She took her seat, and he asked, "Hey, where were you?"

"The bathroom." Could he tell how drunk she was?

Something still seemed off, but he didn't say anything about it.

It was quite late when they walked home. The air was crisp and almost cold. They didn't speak most of the way home, but when they were about a block away, he figured he should just ask it. "Izumi, were you drinking?"

She glared at him. " _No._ Why would you think that?"

"You just.... seem drunk." He sighed, knowing he couldn't continue this conversation without getting into a fight. "Whatever, I could be wrong."

"Yeah. You _are_."

" _Okay_! You weren't drinking! I _know_ that now!"

* * *

Two months passed. Kuzon was still a bit suspicious of her, but because she didn't seem drunk on any other occasion, he let his guard down for a while. Still, he had _more_ reason to be worried about her. By this point, he was starting to suspect she'd relapsed into her eating disorder, but there wasn't much he could do other than try to get her to eat.

By this point, Izumi was lower than she'd been in a while. She needed to drink every night in order to sleep now. She'd stopped going to therapy, because going there meant lying and pretending to be better. Besides, it felt safer to stay inside unless she had to do otherwise. Whenever her husband tried to initiate cuddling or sex, she pushed him away. No. She didn't want to be touched. She didn't deserve it.

One night, Lin was eating with them. This wasn't uncommon, especially if she was having a fight with her mother. They loved having her over because she was agreeable and calm, and Iroh seemed to like her. That night, she talked about her life. "So, a couple weeks ago, Tenzin invited me to his house for a romantic dinner."

"That's sweet," said Kuzon.

"It was over the top. But still, I appreciated the gesture." She sighed. "Police academy's wearing me out, as always. And I'm really worried about Su these days."

"Why?" asked Izumi.

"She's been skipping school to hang out with these kids from the Terra Triad."

The subject of this gang had come up in meetings a lot. They were _vicious._ There was lots of talk of girls getting into cars with them and winding up somewhere they didn't want to be. Of dead bodies turning up in strategic places, usually those of people who crossed them. "She should _not_ be associating with those people. She's, what, _eleven_?"

"Twelve. But, yes, the point still stands."

"Have you tried telling her?"

"Yes, but she won't listen."

"Well.... you'd better find a way to scare her out of it. Does your mom know?"

"No."

"You should tell her."

Lin noticed that after the meal, Izumi went off somewhere. Part of her thought she'd just gone to the bathroom, but there was another part of her that suspected something was off. Really, _really_ off.

She walked around, looking for her. _Leave no stone unturned._ Finally, she looked in their room, but couldn't see her. _Closet. She's in her closet._ So she stepped in.

She was _not_ expecting this. Izumi was sitting on the floor, a bottle in hand. "What the hell?"

Izumi had tried to hide it when she heard the footsteps, but it was too late. "Don't tell my husband or _anyone_ about this."

"Izumi, I... this is really serious. I mean...."

" _Please_."

"I.... alright. Just come out of there. Please?"

"Okay." And she got up and left the room.

In the living room, her son, clearly having missed his mother, climbed onto her lap. "Hey, Turtleduck." She stroked his hair, feeling his warmth against her. She loved these little moments of theirs, but now it hurt her, knowing that she was fooling him.

His expression became serious. "Mommy, you smell funny."

 _Fuck._ "Oh, I do?"

"Hmm.... maybe it's something else." He rested his head against her.

That whole interaction made Lin uncomfortable. _Kuzon needs to know about this. Maybe I'll tell him while she's busy._ So, in the kitchen, she tapped Kuzon on the shoulder. "What is it?"

"Izumi's drinking again."

So his suspicions were confirmed. "How do you know?"

"I.... I walked in on her. And there's something I need to show you." She led him to the bedroom and showed him the bottle in their closet.

He gasped. _No._ "I'm really sorry," said Lin. "I didn't mean to snoop, I just..."

"Hey. Don't be sorry." He looked her in the eye. "Thank you for telling me. You did the right thing."

In bed that night, he lay awake thinking about it. How would he bring this up? What would he say? There was likely going to be a fight.... _I need to do whatever it takes to make sure she's okay._ He figured he'd talk to her about it in the morning, when she was refreshed and (hopefully) sober.


	47. Chapter 47

Izumi woke up the next morning, her head pounding. Ugh. Luckily, she didn't have anything to do today, just read over some documents. So that would give her plenty of time to recover.

"Well, look who's finally up." Kuzon.

He was already dressed. "What time is it?"

"Eight. The boy's not up yet." He sat at the foot of the bed. "There's something I was meaning to talk to you about."

She sat up a bit. _Uh-oh._ "Yeah?"

His expression was stony. "You've been drinking again."

The anger rose within her. "Did Lin tell you that?"

His voice dropped to a whisper. "Yes. But does it matter? I shouldn't have to find that out from _her_!"

"You need to relax. I'm not addicted." It was a straight-up lie, and an obvious one, but she didn't care.

" _Relax_?" He put his head in his hands. "This is really, _really_ bad. We need to...."

"It was just a one-off. I can stop on my own. And why is it any of _your_ fucking business?"

"Sh, lower your voice!" He didn't want Iroh to wake up to _this._ "It happened _more_ than once, I can tell. And do you want to know why it's my business? Because I love you. And maybe, _just_ maybe, I don't want to watch you destroy yourself." 

She saw the look on his face, and it _hurt._ "Leave me alone."

"I won't."

She glared. "Get the fuck out."

Feeling defeated, he got up. "Alright. I'll go." Before he left the room, he looked back at her. "I'm not mad about the drinking, Izumi. I just wish you hadn't lied about it."

That whole day, she couldn't help but think about that exchange. She hated lying to him, but if he knew the _whole_ truth..... just the idea made her shudder. Iroh crept into her office that morning. "What do you need, Iroh?" she asked.

He sighed. "Mommy, can you play with me?"

"Sure." _I could use a break from work, anyway._ "Tell you what, put your shoes on. We're going to the park."

His eyes got that cute little sparkle in them. "Really?"

"Yeah."

Iroh clearly enjoyed his day at the park. And Izumi loved watching him play. For him, the world had so many things to offer, and he wanted to try them all. Rolling down hills, taking the water from the pond into his hands and watching it fall, smelling the flowers. When they stopped to eat the food she packed, she taught him how to feed turtleducks, the way her father had. "That feels weird," he laughed as one of them ate from his hand.

For a while, she could take her mind off of her problems. But as he was eating his lunch, he asked, "Why aren't _you_ eating, Mommy?"

"I.... wanted to save some for you."

"Well, have some. I'm sure you're hungry." He held out a dumpling to her.

 _Sweet kid._ It was nearly enough to make her cry. "Thank you, sweetheart." Reluctantly, she ate, so she wouldn't worry the little boy.

As they walked home, all she could think was, _Get rid of it._ But she didn't want to do that around her _son_! Still, at home, while he was preoccupied with something else, that nagging voice came back. _You've already ruined your day. Eat some food and throw it up. Go ahead and treat your body like shit._ _It's what you deserve._

Unable to escape the urge, she let it take over her. When she went to throw up, she just hoped Iroh wouldn't hear her. Thankfully, he didn't seem to notice. But she was still in the bathroom when she heard the door open. _Damn it._

Kuzon was glad to see his son after a long day at work. "Daddy!" he squealed.

"Hey, buddy." He hugged him, kissed him, ruffled his hair. "How was your day?"

"It was great! Mommy took me to the park!"

"That sounds fun." _Where is she, anyway?_ "Where's Mommy?"

"In the bathroom."

Oh, no. This was bad.

She came out of the bathroom, sighed, and sat down on the couch next to him. She looked miserable, he thought. He hated seeing her like this.

"Hey, I wanted to apologize about this morning. I said some harsh stuff."

"It's okay. And.... I'm sorry, too. I know I was also kind of harsh." He inched closer to her. "I'm not mad at you. I just want to help."

"I know."


	48. Chapter 48

Months passed. Izumi had promised her husband she'd go to therapy, and eat, and try to get better. And he insisted that she sit with him after meals, for just a little bit. "Please. I get worried when you rush from the table."

"Okay. I can do that."

She could tell Kuzon was still a little worried about her, but it seemed like she'd placated him somewhat. Just a little. She didn't think he knew that most days, she didn't eat when he wasn't around. That she had a hangover every morning. That every day, she was in so much pain, physically and mentally.

Her mind was a mess. She obsessed over every pound lost or gained, every bite that passed her lips. Where and when she would purge. Sometimes, thoughts of death would plague her. She'd wonder if it was worth it to stay alive. This was no way to live, after all. Lying to everyone, hurting herself. But if she were to die, she knew it would hurt her family.

Her friends, on the rare occasions she saw them, were starting to ask if everything was okay, why she didn't answer the phone as much. She always brushed off their concerns, telling them everything was fine, she was just busy a lot.

Kuzon suspected that she was still drinking, but, figuring she was working on it, didn't want to say anything. She looked just a little better, he thought. And he knew he couldn't force her to do anything.

But it hurt him, to see her suffer. To hear her asking him, for the thousandth time, if she looked like she'd gained weight. To see her push him away when he tried to touch her. To see her deliberating over what to eat.

They'd made plans to come to the Fire Nation for the new year and her birthday. Perhaps her parents could be of some help. He'd already told them about this, and they'd said they were willing to do whatever it took to help her.

One night, a few weeks before they were to leave, they sat in bed together. He leaned in to kiss her, and she returned the kiss. She liked kissing him, but.... "Don't you have to wake up early?"

"I do. But..." He kissed her neck. "I wanted to do something special. Just for you."

The thought of him seeing her undressed made her want to gag. "Please, no. Can we just go to sleep? I have a meeting tomorrow, anyway."

Feeling a little hurt, but wanting to respect her wishes, he pulled away. "Okay. Sleep well." He kissed her cheek.

The next morning, she got up before he did, hungover as always. She went about her usual routine, but as she was showering, a clump of her hair fell out. _Fuck._

She woke up her son with a little kiss on his forehead, and he stirred and woke up. "Mommy?"

"Good morning." She smiled and stroked his hair. "I have to go to a meeting today. You'll be with Ling for the morning, okay?"

"Okay." He sighed. "I wanted to play with you, though."

"I know, sweetie. I wanted to play with you, too. But I'll be back real soon. Now, come on, let's have some breakfast. I'm sure you're hungry." 

It was easy not to eat that morning, because her stomach was churning so badly. But because she knew Kuzon would want to make sure she ate before she left, she served herself a little bit of porridge, then threw it out. That way, he'd think she'd eaten.

Kuzon walked in, seeing the two at the table. "Hi, Daddy," said the boy.

He looked at him and wondered if he suspected anything was wrong with his mother. He sure _hoped_ not. "Good morning, Iroh."

"Well, I have to leave," said Izumi. She got her purse and kissed the both of them goodbye.

"Did you eat breakfast?"

"Yeah."

He had about a half-hour to spare before he had to leave, so he got himself some food, as well. He sat with his son, wiped off the front of his shirt when he spilled, pulled faces at him to make him laugh. "You're silly, Daddy."

"So are you."

As he went to throw away the dregs of his tea, he saw the gobs of porridge in the trash. And as he saw it, he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. _Should have expected that._ He'd done that same trick with his parents, after they found out about his eating disorder. No. He wasn't going to watch his wife slowly kill herself.

He called Izumi's parents before he left. "It's worse than I thought. She's been lying about what she eats." He sighed. "I really don't know what to do."

"Well," said his mother-in-law. "When she gets here, we're going to sit her down and figure out what we're going to do."

* * *

When they arrived in the Fire Nation, Iroh was excited to see his grandparents. And they were just as excited to see him. He played with Naoki again, glad to see her, too, after a while. Izumi found it adorable, how they ran towards each other and hugged.

That first night, though, her parents told her they needed to talk to her about something important. "So, we hear you've been struggling again."

"For a while, yes, I was. But.... I'm getting better. I'm trying."

"I get that you're trying," said Mai. "But we were thinking that maybe you need to go back to inpatient."

 _What?_ "Mom, I can't _do_ that. I have an important job, I have a _kid_ to take care of...."

Zuko sighed. That _was_ true. "Why don't we make a deal?"

"What is it?"

"While you're here, you eat, and meet with your team again. And we'll watch you to make sure you don't drink. If you can do all that, then you won't have to go."

 _Really?_ "Fine." She sighed. "But please tell me. If I do have to go, then how am I going to see Iroh if I'm way the hell over here?"

"Oh, no, we weren't meaning _here_. We were able to find a place just outside of Republic City."

"A representative having to go to a freaking _mental_ hospital? That's going to cause a _scandal_."

"You can check in anonymously." He rubbed her shoulder. "But for now, you don't need to worry about that. Just hold up your end of the deal, and we'll hold up ours."

For most of the stay, she was able to keep up her end of the deal. And it was certainly difficult. But her stay was pretty fun, almost enough to take her mind off of it. She saw Iroh firebend for the first time. The new year and her birthday, two weeks apart this year, were pretty great, too.

But the night before she was to leave, she found a free moment to sneak a drink. She'd tried, really tried, to fight the urge. But it proved all too strong. Downing half a bottle of baijiu in her room, she felt terrible with each sip. _I'm disappointing everybody._

She tried to make it seem like she wasn't drunk out of her mind, but as she made her way down the stairs to join everyone else, she lost her footing and fell.

Mai gasped as she tumbled. She looked pretty banged up, too. "Honey..."

"What.... what happened?"

"You just fell. You've got some bruises on you."

Zuko took a look at her. "Your teeth look okay..... can you get up?"

She got up. "Yeah."

Kuzon and Iroh had been outside, and when they came in, they saw Izumi lying on the couch, covered in bruises. Kuzon clapped a hand over his mouth. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

He could smell alcohol on her breath, but he didn't have the heart to say anything about it. He stroked her hair. "Good. I'm glad."

"What happened?" he asked Mai.

"She fell down the stairs." She sighed. "I just knew she was drunk before she came down. And my immediate thought was, 'Who lives like this? It's fucked up!' But.... she really can't help it." She shook her head. "I guess I'll never really understand."


	49. Chapter 49

The morning they were to leave, they packed their bags. The incident of the previous night was not mentioned. "I'm going to go get my stuff out of the bathroom. You make sure Iroh has all his things, okay?"

"Okay." He could still see the bruises on her and was about to say something, but instead sighed and shook his head. He'd heard their son asking the previous night, "What happened to your eye?", and it just broke his heart.

They said goodbye to her family that day. Iroh clung to his grandfather's legs. "Please can we stay, just for a _little_ longer? _Please_?"

"Sorry, buddy, we have to go," said Izumi. 

Zuko smiled and ruffled his grandson's hair. "Don't worry, I'll see you again soon."

They left that afternoon, back over an ocean and a couple time zones. By the time they were home, it was dark. The evening proceeded as normal. They ate dinner, put Iroh to bed. But in the bathroom that night, she felt a sudden, stabbing pain in her chest and gasped. _Oh, no._

Even though her life was slowly crashing down, she still tried to fool everyone into thinking she was okay. It was pretty easy to fool the outside world, because on the surface, it seemed like she had a good life. She had money, a happy little family, a nice townhouse, some friends. In the eyes of the public, she had her life together.

She placated her parents by telling them she'd just had a little slip-up and that she was trying, she really was. In a way, she tried to convince herself of it, too. _I can move on. Really. I can move on. I can stop on my own._

But no amount of fooling herself could change the facts. She got blackout drunk every weekend, if not more. A lot of her money went towards alcohol that would be gone by the end of the night, and food she would throw up within the hour. Her memory was perpetually clouded, she was cranky, her stomach hurt all the time, she was dizzy a lot, and her throat was almost always sore. Sometimes, she'd wake up in the middle of the night, feeling confused and distressed for no reason. Kuzon would try to calm her down ("Sh, it's okay, just go back to sleep"), but it would take a while before she could fall asleep again.

One night, she had a disturbing dream. In it, she was standing in the doorway of her bedroom when she saw Iroh standing by her bedside, screaming for her. "I'm here, sweetheart," she said. "I'm here. What's the matter?"

But he didn't hear her, just kept screaming. She didn't understand what was happening until she walked closer and saw herself in the bed, and him shaking her. But she didn't respond.

When she woke up, she started to cry. _If I keep this up, I'll die._

This was the worst Kuzon had seen her in years. It slowly began to occur to him that the disease would eventually kill her, if she didn't take her own life first, that is. He'd told himself he wouldn't watch her die, but he worried that he might have to. He didn't tell her, but sometimes, he'd find himself thinking about what would happen if she died. He didn't know _what_ he'd do if he lost her. And when he'd see her with Iroh, he'd think about him growing up without a mother and feel himself starting to tear up. But, not wanting to cry in front of the boy, he always did it alone.

He hated coming home to hear the water running in the bathroom. Watching her stumble inside after a night of drinking. Seeing her eat food he knew she wasn't going to keep down. But never on those occasions did he say anything about it. 

She and Yanmei were out together one night, at a nightclub. Izumi tried to hide how much she was actually drinking from her friend. But it was around midnight when she noticed. "Hey, I think you've had a few too many. Why don't we call it a night?"

"I'm okay. I can keep going."

"No, no, I don't think you want to take that chance. Here, I can walk you home."

So they left. At Izumi's place, she said, "Well, tonight was fun. Now go in there- try not to wake your folks up, though- and get some sleep. You're going to need it."

"Okay." She turned around. "Hey, thanks, by the way."

"No problem."

Kuzon didn't know what it was about this specific instance because he'd seen her drunk so many times, but when he heard her knocking into things, he thought, _I need to do something about this. And fast._

* * *

Kuzon cleared his throat. "Thank you all for coming. It... it means a lot." He'd called up her family and closest friends, thinking that maybe together, they could convince her to get some help. Now that they were all here, they just needed Izumi to show up....

"Now, everyone, remember, be honest about how you feel, but don't blame her for anything. It's not going to help."

They nodded, and just then, the door turned. He took a deep breath. "Okay. Ready?"

"Yes," said Mai. They had to be.

Izumi was surprised to come home to see almost her _entire family_ and then some in the living room. "What...."

"We're doing an intervention," said Kya.

 _What?!_ "You have got to be _fucking_ kidding me!"

Kuzon sighed. He knew she'd say something like that. "Honey, please just hear us out."

She groaned and crossed her arms. "Fine. You've got ten minutes. Make it snappy."

So she sat with them as she heard what they had to say. But she didn't need to hear them to know how much she was hurting them all. Hearing Mira talk, though, _really_ hurt. "I feel like I've lost too many people. And if I lose you, too, I...." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, and Kuzon rubbed her back a little. "I really don't know what I'll do."

Goddamn it, she couldn't take it. She knew she was hurting them, and yet she couldn't stop. "Look," sighed Kuzon. "We're all here because we're scared. We're...." _No use sugarcoating it._ "We're worried that you might die. And.... don't you want to live? It's an honest question. I mean, don't you want to watch Iroh grow up?"

At that, she was _pissed_. Getting up from her seat, she yelled, "Don't you think I think about that _every damn day_?"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to...."

"Do you think I _want_ to be like this? I. Hate. Myself." She was so angry she couldn't control what came out of her mouth next. "You know what, everyone get the fuck out of here! I don't need you guilt-tripping me!"

"Izumi..." began her father.

"Get out!"

And with that, they left. But before she left, Azula said, "I know you're upset. But there's something I think you need to hear."

She rolled her eyes. "I've probably heard it before."

"Well, even if you have, it needs to be said. If there's anything I've learned over the years, it's that the only person who can save you is yourself. If you go to treatment just to humor everyone, you won't get anything out of it. But if you're willing to commit to getting better, then you'll see some results." As she turned to leave, she said, "Really, it's up to you."

Kuzon groaned. "What the hell, Izumi? We were just trying to help."

"What the hell _yourself_! Bringing everybody over here without telling me, making me feel like shit...." She felt the tears welling at her eyes. "I know I'm putting everybody through so much, but I can't stop."

He put an arm around her. "Which is why we think it would be best for you if you got some help."

"I know, but.... my entire life is going to be upended. And I'm not ready for that."

"I know it feels scary. But you can do it."

She sighed. "Just... just give me tomorrow to think about it, okay?"

 _Do we_ have _tomorrow?_ "Okay. Fine."

He saw Iroh standing in the doorway of his room later that night. _He's still up?_ "What are you doing up?"

"I can't sleep."

"Why?" He walked into the room and sat on his bed.

"I'm worried about Mommy."

"What are you worried about?"

"I don't know. She just..... seems different. And earlier, she was yelling a lot."

He sighed. _How do I explain this to a four-year-old?_ "Well.... Mommy's been having trouble eating properly and taking care of herself. And... we're all trying to help her."

"Oh. Well.... can I do anything to help?"

He smiled a little. "I'm glad you want to help Mommy, but..... her problems are being helped by grown-ups and doctors. All you need to do is focus on you. Okay?"

"Okay."

"And if you have any more questions, you can ask me." He kissed his forehead. "Okay, it's late. Get some sleep."

The next day, Izumi just had to do some work from home. She managed not to drink that day. But that afternoon, she found herself in the kitchen, grabbing food for a binge. She didn't even look at what she was taking, just grabbed what she could and took it to her room. Sitting on her bed, she ate until she was sick. _You even eat like a hippo-cow._

When she purged, there was blood. A lot of it. She stood over the sink and gasped. _What have I done?_ With her red eyes and puffy face, she was almost unrecognizable. Where was the poise and self-control she'd been taught her whole life? What had she become? And she thought of Azula's words to her the previous night: "The only person who can save you is yourself."

When she left the room, she saw Iroh sitting on the living room floor with a pretty grave expression on his face. "Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Did you just throw up?"

Her heart nearly stopped. _He heard me?_ "No, sweetie."

"Okay." She sat down, and he climbed into her lap. "It's gonna be okay, Mommy."

She could feel herself starting to tear up. _Will it?_ "Thank you." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. Not wanting to cry in front of him, she said, "Excuse me for a minute."

And with that, she went to her room and started to cry.

When Kuzon asked their son where she was that day, he said, "Her room. She's been in there for a really long time."

Something gave him a very, _very_ bad feeling. And sure enough, he walked in to find her sitting at the foot of her bed, crying. "Hey. What's the matter?"

She didn't say anything for a while, just kept crying. He put an arm around her and pulled her towards him. "What is it?"

"I..." She paused to catch her breath. "I'm in way over my head. I definitely need to go to inpatient."

"What made you decide that?"

"I threw up blood today. _Blood_." She shook her head. "I mean, that's happened before, but it was never that _much_."

"It's going to be okay. I mean it."

She sighed and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "You know, I was doing so great until Grandma died, and then..... things went down the shitter. I was at a party, and there were drinks, and I thought, 'Why does it have to be all or nothing? Why can't I just have a drink and move on?' But.... I can't." She shrugged. "It's the family disease. I never thought I'd be a legitimate alcoholic. But here we are."

He didn't respond, just held her. "Five years, down the drain," she said. "Part of why I didn't want to go to inpatient was because I didn't want to have to start over."

"Well, that's all you can do. Take it one step at a time."

"I know."

That evening, she called her parents. "Could you give me the address of that place you found? I'm going to check myself in."


	50. Chapter 50

For a while, Izumi had debated what to tell her fellow council members, and the public for that matter. But Kuzon suggested she say she was "taking a brief hiatus" for "personal reasons". "Tell the truth, but just omit some things."

So the statement she issued was a little something along those lines, and another official was tasked to help run things in her stead. That issue being resolved, all she had to do was focus on getting better.

The stomach pain had a simple explanation. Ulcers. Thankfully, they could be treated. There was a whole host of other health issues, as well. Dangerously low heart rate and blood pressure, a noticeable dip in her electrolyte levels, a slight weakness in the bones, and a tear in her esophagus, among other things. Most were fixable, it looked like. "We just have to see how you improve over time," said the doctor doing her intake assessment.

The first few weeks, she had trouble sleeping. She was tense and on edge, and every second felt like forever. _It's part of the process. It's just part of the process._

Visits were frequent, most often from her husband and son. Iroh was always happy to see her, wanting to sit in her lap and tell her about his day. And she was happy to see him, too, but as she listened to his excited chattering, she'd think about how these moments were going to be part of his childhood memories. Visiting his mother in a damn hospital.

She apologized to her family for her.... _questionable_ conduct during the intervention. "I know what I said was really out of line. I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't," said her father. "You were upset and scared."

Over the next few months, she really could feel herself improving. She had more energy, was less irritable, and in a lot less pain. She saw that there was a lot to live for, actually. Her family, her friends. All the things she liked to do. And most importantly, her ambitions and goals. She had a lot more to do in life before she was ready to close her eyes for good. 

Returning to her daily routine was somewhat easy. Working, spending time with her son when she could. Because she was able to think more clearly, she found that her work was of a better quality, and she was able to get more out of meetings. While she still had her reputation for being overly serious, people noticed cracks in that persona. One day, she walked into city hall, thinking about her husband and how sweet he was. A small smile crossed her face as she remembered how he brought her her breakfast and gave her a kiss as she was doing work that morning. "Izumi, is that a _smile_ on your face?" asked the Earth Kingdom councilman, Lei.

She knew some things about him, mostly through his sister. He was thirty-five and married, with a couple kids, and was always suggesting to his sister that she settle down. Izumi rarely spoke to him, but he was pretty friendly. "Yes, it is."

He chuckled. "Never thought I'd see that."

Iroh was advancing quite well in his firebending training, and sometimes, she'd have him train with her. Having regained her strength, her firebending was a lot better. The boy was clever and learned quickly. "You know, maybe I can have your grandfather teach you some things the next time we visit," she said one afternoon.

He knew his maternal grandfather was a powerful bender, probably even more so than his mother. To learn from _him_..... "That would be really cool!"

Zuko taught him the "fire breath" technique the next time they visited. It took a while, because the technique required a level of patience that Iroh did not yet have. But after a few days, he was able to get it. "Smart kid," he said to Izumi.

Inevitably, she had to tell people in her life about her issues, much to her chagrin. She'd been so intent on putting that aspect of her life behind her that she hated when it came up. Once, when Yanmei invited her to a party, she had to tell her she had to be careful around alcohol now. She didn't go into specifics, but the other woman could probably guess. "Well, then, I won't have it out in the open."

"You'd do that for me?"

"Yeah."

Iroh started school at age six. His first day, he was very nervous. But when his mother went to get him that afternoon, he was eager to tell her about his teacher, what he'd done that day, the friends he'd made already. "This girl named Nula scraped her knee at recess, and I took her to the nurse's office."

Once again, she marveled at how sweet this kid was. "Well, that's really nice of you."

She loved her life, through all its ups and downs. She found joy in it, for the first time in a while. One morning, she realized it was the third anniversary of her grandmother's death. This realization brought with it a strange mix of emotions. Sadness at being reminded of the loss, once again. A strange sense of pride at how far she'd come in the last couple years. _I'm sure she's proud of me, wherever she is._


	51. Chapter 51

Iroh grew up, made friends. He was very adventurous and energetic. He ran around the house a lot, and Izumi just had to hope he didn't get hurt or break anything. He was a little prankster, too. Once, he fed a friend's fire ferret rotten apples, which resulted in some.... strange behavior.

The summer he was seven, his father, wanting to pass on his interest in military history, had him see the royal armory. This led to the two of them sparring, just as Izumi found them. "Kuzon!" she shouted.

They both turned around. She made sure Iroh wasn't hurt, then turned to her husband. "There had better be a good explanation for this."

"I just took him to see some things, and we got.... _sidetracked_."

"Well, _children_ shouldn't be handling _knives_!"

"You know what, you're right. I'm sorry." He addressed the boy. "Let's not do that again."

He groaned. "Aw, man."

"Please. We wouldn't want you getting hurt."

Despite his antics, though, she loved her little rascal of a son. When she watched him play with his friends, she'd hope he stayed that carefree forever. And thankfully, his wild behavior didn't extend to school. In fact, the reports from his teachers were stellar. He got good marks, was friendly, and behaved well.

Meanwhile, in the world of politics, Izumi had her work cut out for her. Crime was still a big issue in the city, and it didn't seem to be getting better. The gangs ran rampant and people pretty much didn't care about the law. The police force was inundated with reports. She would find herself staying up to do loads of research in an attempt to figure something out. Reminded her of law school a little bit, except this was real life.

All of this made her a little more scared for her son. She was worried about whose son he was playing with, whether he was safe at school. She'd heard that a common practice of the triads was to use their kids to recruit people, and while she didn't know how young they usually recruited, she didn't want to take that chance.

One afternoon, when they were out, they passed by an alley, and she saw something in her peripheral vision. Upon looking at it, she realized it was a body and covered his eyes. "Mom, what _was_ that? Why are you covering my eyes?"

"Nothing you needed to see, sweetheart. Don't worry about it."

When he was nine, he started asking to take the streetcar by himself. "Iroh, I don't know how I feel about you being out there by yourself...."

"Oh, come on! Haru's mom lets him do it!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not Haru's mom."

"Please?"

"Listen to your mother," said his father firmly.

" _No_. And that's final. Either wait for me or get a ride with a friend. But you're _not_ taking the streetcar by yourself."

A week later, when she dropped him off at school, he said, "Can Nula's mom give me a ride home?"

She'd gotten to know Nula's mother, Kala, and trusted her. "Hmm.... ask her."

A few weeks later, she and Kala met up for lunch one afternoon. They made casual talk, about their lives, the weather. "Oh, by the way, I wanted to thank you for driving Iroh home every day. I really appreciate it."

The other woman tilted her head a little. "I'm.... sorry?"

"He told me you've been giving him a ride home."

"I haven't. He's never asked."

She felt a rush of fear for her son, and anger at him for lying. There was only one other way he could've gotten home, then. " _Well._ I'm going to have a _serious_ talk with him when he gets home."

That afternoon, Iroh walked inside to find his mother glaring at him, her arms crossed, and stopped dead in his tracks. "Iroh."

"Mom?"

"Nula's mom tells me she _hasn't_ been driving you home."

"I...." They both knew there was nothing he could say to that.

"You have to take the _streetcar_ to get from there." She knew she had to be firm to make her point. "Go to your room. Now. We'll talk about this later."

A half hour later, having calmed down from her initial surge of emotion, she went into his room and sat on his bed with him. "Look, when I say I don't want you taking the streetcar, I'm not just saying it to be mean. It's for your own good."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

"Hey. I mean it." She sighed. "There are some dangerous people out there."

"Dangerous how?"

" _Really_ dangerous. Like..." _How much should I tell him?_ "They can take you away somewhere awful and do something just as awful to you." She put an arm around him. "I just want to keep you safe. Because I love you."

He sighed. "I love you, too, Mom."

As they sat together, it hit her. He was growing up. And she knew she couldn't protect him forever, that there would come a time when she couldn't shield him with her love. But she wanted him to be her little boy, just for a little longer.


	52. Chapter 52

One summer day, Izumi stopped at the market to get some mangoes. It was Iroh's birthday, so she wanted to make his favorite dessert. As she was filling her bag, she saw a girl. Her eyes were a warm brown, and large. The size of saucers, maybe. She was wearing a lot of makeup, but her face still had the roundness of childhood, making her look thirteen or fourteen, maybe. Izumi could tell that something was off with her, the way her eyes were darting. "Hey."

The girl looked up and flinched a bit. "H-hey."

"What's your name?"

She didn't respond.

"How old are you, miss?"

"Eighteen." She quickly looked away.

 _This girl doesn't look a day over fourteen._ "Look, if you need anything...." She tore a piece of paper out of her notebook, wrote down her number, then gave it to her. "We usually answer."

She just nodded and quickly pocketed the paper. Just then, a man's voice called, "Poppy!", and she flinched again and left. This made Izumi very, _very_ suspicious. _Maybe that man's her father...._ But as she looked at him, she didn't think he looked remotely like that girl. Pale and severe, he looked like her opposite, in fact. Whatever the situation was, something seemed fishy, and as the two left, she glared at him.

When she and Kuzon were at home whisking the eggs, she was still thinking about it. "What's on your mind?" he asked.

"Well, while I was out, I saw this girl. She looked young enough to be in junior high, and she seemed really uneasy. And then there was this man who called her name, and she freaked out completely." She sighed. "The whole thing struck me as suspicious. I mean, how was I to know she wasn't being trafficked?"

"Hmm.... do you think you could go to the police about it?"

"No, I don't have enough information. And besides, they already have a lot to deal with right now. But I _did_ give her our phone number, in case she needed help."

That evening, as she watched her son open his presents, she saw the sparkle in his eyes and, for some reason, felt a heaviness in her heart. She knew they butted heads a lot these days, because he wanted to be more independent and didn't understand why she wanted to "treat [him] like a little kid", but she wanted to make sure he knew that all her worry came from a place of love.

Two weeks later, she and Iroh were sitting on the porch together, watching the sun set. She enjoyed their quieter moments together, when they _weren't_ going at it. "Looking forward to school?"

"Sort of."

"Why only _sort_ of?"

"I like school, but... I'm worried about what teacher I might have. I heard Miss Huang was really scary."

"Iroh," she said calmly. "You can't control what happens. But whichever teacher you get, I'm sure she'll like you. You're a good kid." _Even if you get on my damn nerves sometimes._

"Thanks, Mom."

She smiled and put an arm around him. Just then, she heard the phone ringing from inside the house. "Oh, one second, let me get that." And she walked inside and picked it up. "Councilwoman Izumi."

The voice was small and quivering. "I- I don't want to bother you, ma'am, but you gave me this number, and I need help."

Poppy! She didn't think she'd hear from her ever. "What do you need?"

"I'm at a hotel right now, and this guy I'm with..... he's real mad at me. I'm really s-scared." 

"Okay. First off. Where are you physically? Are you in the room with him or...."

"No, I'm outside. I'm in a phone booth."

 _Phew._ "Which hotel is it? Do you know?"

"The Lotus, I think."

Ah, yes. She knew that hotel. It was a fancy place, but rumored to have a seedy underbelly. "Okay. I'll be there as soon as possible."

"What color is your car?"

"Black. And stay in the phone booth. I'll come and get you."

Kuzon saw her grabbing her keys and asked where she was going. "That little girl from the market called. She said she needed help."

"Where is she?"

"The Lotus. You know that place?"

So her suspicions about that girl being trafficked were probably correct. She really did have a way of knowing things like that, didn't she? "Yeah, I do." As she turned to leave, he said, "It's good that you're doing this, but.... please be careful."

"I will, don't worry."

By the time she arrived at the hotel, the sky had taken on the dark pink color of twilight. Poppy was still in the phone booth, hunched over and looking smaller than ever. Thankfully, the man she was with at the market was nowhere to be seen. But still, Izumi knew she had to be careful. So, stepping out of the car, she went towards the booth and opened the door. "I'm here. You're safe."

She hurried her to the car, her arm firmly around her. She could hear that man's voice, yelling, "Poppy! Get back here! You're going to regret this!" But she didn't dare look back at him and told the girl not to, either.

At the police station, Izumi explained what had happened. The officer taking their statement wrote down the details, then addressed Poppy. "I need to ask you a few questions."

The girl just stared at the floor. "Nobody wants to arrest you," he continued. "We just want to know what happened. Maybe you could start by telling us who brought you to the hotel?"

Her voice was quiet. "Guo. He never told me his last name."

"Okay.... what does he look like?"

"Tall, skinny, really pale. He has a white scar on the back of his hand."

"How long have you known him?"

"Seven months, I think."

"And... where are your parents?"

She didn't answer. Izumi, thinking she might feel a bit more comfortable talking to her, asked, "You got parents, Poppy?"

She shook her head.

The officers tried to track down any family of hers, but after about an hour, nothing came up. "Seven _months_? Somebody's _got_ to be missing her," remarked Lin.

"You know," said Poppy, her voice hoarse. "Poppy isn't my real name."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. My real name's Hua."

Hua. Flower. "That's beautiful," said Izumi.

"Alright," sighed Lin. "She needs somewhere to sleep tonight. It looks like it has to be the orphanage. Here, I can make a call....."

"I can put her up at my place for a while."

"Okay, then. And I'll call you if I find anything out." Dropping her voice to a whisper, she said, "If this Guo character is who I think it is...."

"What do you mean?"

"The description she gave... we have quite a history with him. He's part of the Agni Kai triad. Pretty high up, too, as far as I know." She shook her head. "You are playing with fire, Izumi."

"Oh, I can handle fire."

When Kuzon saw the two of them, he gasped. She'd said she was young enough to be in junior high, but it was still jarring. "Oh, good, you're back! I was just about to go out there and see what was going on!" He turned to the girl, who looked pretty bewildered. "Well, hello, I'm Kuzon. I'm her husband. And you are...."

"Hua."

"Hua. Nice to meet you. Come in, come in. You'll like it here."

* * *

Hua stayed with them for a few weeks. It took her a little bit to adjust, but she seemed to like her new surroundings. Iroh, not knowing the whole story, still sensed that she'd been through some things. She had nightmares, and sometimes, he'd sit with her until she fell asleep. They'd talk for a while, and she would just be glad that he was there with her.

Lin called with "good news for once." "She has an aunt who's been looking for her for a while."

"Well, that's great! Where is she?"

"Ba Sing Se."

So the family saw her off at the train station. All three of them hugged her when her train came. "We'll come and visit when we can to check in on you."

She smiled. "Thank you. And.... you've been like family to me. I really appreciate it."

After this, Izumi made a habit of helping out other children like her. She felt that if they couldn't tackle the gangs head-on, they could minimize their impact. It wasn't uncommon for her to visit the orphanage to check on a kid, or have one staying at her house.

People worried about this, of course. Her fellow council members thought it was a noble thing for her to do, but feared that she was putting herself in danger. Lin expressed concern, as well. "You know, you don't exactly make friends in this business."

"Well, I'm not here to make friends."

When Iroh was in sixth grade, though, things started to catch up with them. The triad knew by now that she was the one losing them a lot of money, and they weren't too happy about that. The first sign appeared when Kuzon came home from work one evening saying he was pretty sure someone had been following him. "I had to get on a streetcar just to throw him off my path."

The next sign was a note, written in tiny, careful script. She was coming home from a meeting when she saw something poking out from under her doormat. She pulled it out, and it said, "Watch out, bitch."

There was a girl in Iroh's class, Mei. She made a habit of pushing and taunting him. It made him angry, but he didn't want to hit her back. _Don't fight fire with fire,_ he told himself, remembering what his mother had told him.

One day at lunch, she threw water on him. He sat there, soaking wet, still determined not to hit her. "Hey!" yelled Nula as she ran off. "You had no right to do that!"

She was about to chase after her, but Iroh told her, "Please. Don't make it worse."

Later in the period, on the playground, Mei approached him again, this time with her twin brother. She pushed him, kicked him, saying, "Go ahead, try to hit me, I dare you."

He tried to get past her, but they both blocked his way. "Please let me through."

"Make me."

Not wanting to hurt her, he tried to push past her, and before he could do anything else, her brother hit him squarely in the face. He could feel the heat pooling towards his eye. "Hey!" shouted a teacher. "Break it up!"

And with that, the three of them were escorted to the principal's office.

Izumi was called to the school, having been informed that her son was in a fight. She groaned, knowing he could be hotheaded, and was prepared to remind him the importance of controlling his temper. But when she arrived, it was _not_ what she expected. She insisted that the principal try and get the full story, seeing that her son was the only one who had a mark on him _and_ knowing that those two kids' parents were triad. And once Iroh told them the full story, she thought, _What have I_ done?

When they walked out, she was _boiling_ mad. A group of kids gathered around them, taunting. "He hit a girl!"

She whirled around and gave them a piercing glare. "I know what really happened. And I will work _very_ hard to have those two suspended, if not expelled. But for now, I've got some advice for you. Stay away from my son. Stop using our school to protect Daddy's business. Because if I find out you're still doing that, things will get a little... _unpleasant._ " And with that, they left.

Later that afternoon, still angry, she showed up at Mei's house and knocked on the door. A woman, presumably her mother, answered. "Listen, I know what you and your kids are up to. Keep them in check, stay the fuck away from my family, and we won't have any problems."

She scowled at her. "You think you can come through here, meddle in our business, and then tell _me_ how to raise _my_ kids?"

"Yes. I _can_ do that, because your _business_ is fucked up, not to mention illegal! Honestly, you and everyone in your.... _operation_ ought to be locked up!"

"I don't know if you know this, but I can, and will, destroy you. I know people. Big-time people."

"Yeah, yeah, so do I, you bitch."

That evening, she sat at the edge of her bed and sighed. _I really_ have _been playing with fire._ She told Kuzon about the day's incident, then said, "I really think we should move back home. I don't want us to be in any more danger than we already are."

Remembering the creeping fear he'd felt at figuring out he was being followed, he shuddered. "You know, I think that's a sensible idea."

"I don't know how Iroh will feel about being uprooted, though. And right before the year ends, too."

"Well, I'm sure we can let him graduate. There are only a couple weeks left, after all."

"Okay, then."

So at dinner, she was the one to bring it up. "Iroh, your father and I have been thinking that.... we should move."

 _What?_ " _Move?_ Where?"

"Home. The Fire Nation."

He had friends and family over there, but his _life_ was _here_. "But... what about school? We can't just up and leave _now_!"

"We'll let you finish sixth grade," said Kuzon. "But honestly? It's really not safe over here."


	53. Chapter 53

On the last day of the school year, they watched their son and his classmates file into the auditorium, wearing their best clothes. A nice assortment of red, blue, and green. They looked awkward and proud at the same time. Twelve years old, thinking they were on top of the world.

Iroh posed for pictures out on the yard with his family. At one point, Bumi decided to hoist the boy up on his shoulders. "Are you sure about that?" said Izumi. "He's grown a lot in the last few years."

"It'll be fine," he laughed. He squatted down. "Okay, kid, you know what to do."

As they were out, though, she looked over at Mei and her family. They were far enough away from them, thankfully. But, remembering the incident from two weeks ago, she was still mad at them. Using their children to take out their petty frustrations, and on her _son_ , no less. _Assholes._

Izumi issued her resignation, and they spent that weekend packing up the house. As she looked around at the empty living room, she had to sit there for a while and bask in the memories. She and Kuzon bought this place when Iroh was about one-and-a-half. That first day, he was intent on exploring everything, wandering around the empty rooms and jabbering in his strange toddler language. This house would see that little toddler grow up.

She remembered evenings with her husband, her head against his chest, enjoying the quiet. That first night, when they put on some music and danced across the living room floor. The warm tangle of their bodies some nights, when the world around them would seem to disappear.

The office.... she remembered the hours she spent working there, her son walking in occasionally and watching her. This was where she'd do her research, read over documents. Once, she sat Iroh on her lap and taught him a little about how the government worked. In later years, this was also where she would try and get whichever kid she'd rescued a place to stay.

While their life in this house had been mostly good, there were hard parts, too. Stumbling into the house drunk. Spending entire afternoons with her head hanging over the sink. The horror she felt as she spat out a clump of blood. Yes, this house had seen her at her sickest, but it had seen her recover, too.

She sighed. The house had so many memories, and they were selling it. But considering the events of the last year, it was for the best, she told herself.

Iroh said goodbye to his friends. Nula, Shek, Vinny, Fong. The five of them gathered together in the park the day before he was to leave. Nula and Fong were both going to a different school than the others, so this would be the last time they could all be in the same place at the same time for a while. They played loads of games that afternoon- tag, hide-and-seek, Capture the Flag- trying to make the most of this day. But Iroh knew that once this afternoon was over, this was it. Their little group was no more.

When it came time to say goodbye, he gulped, trying not to cry. "Well, I guess this it."

"Hey, it doesn't have to be _completely_ over," said Nula. "We can call."

"Yeah, and maybe you can come out and visit," suggested Shek.

Iroh couldn't help himself now. He was crying for real. Nula hugged him, and then everyone else joined in. "Thank you guys. I'll miss you."

"We'll miss you, too," said Shek.

They parted, and Iroh laughed a little. "Well.... I have to go now."

"Aw, goodbye!" There was a cascade of hugging, once again. As he turned to leave, Vinny held up his fire ferret and said, "Wait! You didn't say goodbye to Polu!"

"Bye, Polu." He scratched the little creature behind the ear. "I suppose I should apologize for getting you drunk on rotten apples."

They all laughed as they remembered the incident. But he could feel himself starting to get a little sad again. _We might never have those moments again._

When he joined his parents, his father gave him a small smile, seeing that his eyes were red from crying. "You okay?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "I'm going to miss my friends, though."

"I understand. But you'll see them again."

The next morning, they loaded their things and got on the boat. "I'm _not_ looking forward to summer in the Fire Nation," groaned Iroh. He remembered how, every time they visited in the summer, it was that specific type of hot that felt five degrees higher than it was. And he was always sweaty and sticky, even right after getting out of the shower.

"Neither am I," said Izumi. "I guess we got a little too comfortable with the weather over here."

"We'll get used to the climate in two months' time," said Kuzon.

" _Hope_ so." He leaned over the railing.

* * *

Iroh spent the summer trying to adjust to his new surroundings. Living in the palace meant he could see his grandparents whenever he wanted and explore all the different rooms at his leisure. But he was still getting used to the climate, and trying to figure out how to get around the city.

Naoki provided some help, showing him around and giving him a little insight into the local culture. "At school, you have to call your teachers 'ma'am' and 'sir'. So it's 'yes, ma'am', 'no, sir.' Gets tiring after a while." She shook her head. "I think it's stupid, and my dad does, too. But old habits die hard, I guess."

Izumi immersed herself in her duties as crown princess. Going to policy meetings, hosting official events. Through that, she was able to get an idea of what it would be like to be Fire Lord. Still, despite the work, she found time to be with her family.

Iroh started school that fall, at the Imperial Academy. That first day, he bounced his foot at the breakfast table, letting his thoughts wander. _What will it be like? Will my teachers like me? Will I make any friends?_ Then he thought, _I really,_ really _wish my friends were with me._

"Hey," said his mother. "It's going to be okay."

"I know."

That day, lots of people wanted to talk to him, so that bit was easy. By the end of the day, he had yet another group of friends. Three boys. Two of them had fathers in the military, and the other's father was a diplomat. They were energetic and eager, like him, wanting to sample what the world had to offer.

He grew to like his classes, his favorite being math. There was a formula or theorem for everything, and it all made sense. History came a close second. Around the middle of the semester, there was a project in that class that he liked. The students were split into groups, and each group was assigned to present on a certain country and what the Fire Nation had done to it during the Hundred Years' War. Iroh's group was assigned the Southern Water Tribe.

When his father asked him about school that day, he mentioned this project. "Hmmm... maybe you'll want to have your mother and grandfather help you."

So, thrilled to have their help, he told them about the project he was doing. "We're supposed to talk about the government we installed instead."

Izumi tried to think. She knew her history, and quite well. That was one thing her parents had instilled in her. "Well, as far as the Water Tribe goes, I don't think we installed _any_ government. In fact, we pretty much destabilized the entire region." She looked to her father for confirmation. "Right? I mean....."

"Yeah, that and more."

Over the course of this project, he had access to top-quality research material, _and_ he got to interview Katara and Sokka. What amazed him was how much the world had changed, even though the war was still very much within living memory.

At thirteen, he started to notice some strange feelings for one of his school friends, Ping. He found himself staring at the boy during class. Talking to him made him feel all fluttery and nervous. It took him a while to figure out what those feelings were, but when he did, he was shocked. _Do I really like boys?_

The feelings went away almost as suddenly as they had appeared, but he was still wondering what the hell _that_ was about. Whatever. He figured that was just a one-time thing.

Later that year, he met a girl at a dance. While everyone else was enjoying rare encounters with the opposite sex, he was standing by himself. "Hey." A girl's voice. He turned around. The speaker had long brown hair and long eyelashes.

"So. You're _the_ prince Iroh, huh?"

"Y-yeah. What's _your_ name?"

"Kazuko." She looked out at everyone and rolled her eyes. "This really isn't all it was cracked up to be."

There! Somebody had finally said it! "Yeah, no, it isn't."

"Like, everybody at my school was buzzing about how great it would be, how they'd get to dance with boys. I don't care about that as much as my friends do, but hey, if it means a break from formal school bullshit...." She chuckled a little. "My friends left me for guys. As usual."

" _My_ friends left me so they could talk to the _girls_."

"Well, maybe our friends found each other. Like attracts like, after all." They both laughed a little. "Hey, you actually seem kind of cool. If you want to go out there and dance or something....."

 _I'm going to dance with a girl!_ "Uh, well.... okay." His mother had taught him some dances, so he wasn't worried about not knowing what to do, but he feared that in his nervousness, he might step on this girl's feet.

The dancing went on without a hitch, and Kazuko actually marveled at his skill. "Wow, you're really good. Who taught you?"

"My mom."

The two kept in touch after that night. For a while, they were friends. Hanging out, venting about school and family and annoying people. Izumi met her, and she thought she was a nice girl. Perhaps a positive influence on her son.

He liked being around her. She was sassy and funny. After about a month, though, he realized he was starting to like her a little bit. Now there was just the matter of whether she liked him back....

One weekend, he invited Naoki over for a sleepover. This wasn't an uncommon practice for them, because they'd known each other since they were babies and were practically family. And that night, he ended up telling her about Kazuko. She chuckled a little. "So, have you told her you liked her yet?"

He blushed. "No."

"Well, look, if you want my honest opinion, I think you ought to make your move soon, or else she'll think you're....."

"That I'm what?"

".... gay? I mean, not that there's anything wrong with it, it's just that if some guy was hanging out with me and taking me places and not trying to kiss me or anything, _I'd_ think he was gay."

 _Thanks, Naoki._ "Well, I'm not gay, and I'm sure she knows that." _But that crush on Ping.... wouldn't_ that _make me gay?_

"Hmm.... you sure?"

He glared. "Shut up."

She threw up her hands. "Okay."

Feeling rather uncomfortable about this conversation even days afterward, he decided to talk to his mother about it. He was close with her, perhaps not as much so as his father, but he felt comfortable telling her a lot, and perhaps he could tell her about this, too. 

When Iroh asked to talk to her about something important, Izumi wasn't sure how to feel. Was he having a problem at school? Was he getting bullied? She knew he tended to bottle things up, like she did, so if he was telling her about it now, then there was a good chance it had been going on for longer. After all, that girl Mei was attacking him at school for _months_ and he never told her. Just then, she remembered when she finally told her father about her eating disorder and wondered if what he had to tell her was as serious as that. 

"What is it?" she asked, sitting next to him.

"Well...." He scratched the back of his neck. "There's this girl I kind of like." He felt a bit embarrassed telling her about crushes, but he needed to get it out.

He'd never really talked to her about that stuff, and she'd figured he'd talk to his father about that. "Who is she? Where did you meet?"

"It's Kazuko." He sighed. "I told Naoki about her, and she said that if I didn't make my move, she'd think I was gay."

 _Ugh._ There was a lot to unpack about _that_ statement. "Well.... Naoki's.... misguided. Don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to do. She's most likely not going to think that, and even if she did, there's nothing wrong with being gay."

"I know, but maybe what she said bothered me because..... I had a crush on a boy once. And now I'm a little confused."

"Iroh. It's okay. Some people like both boys and girls." She chuckled a little. "I mean, I do."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I found out when I was fifteen." She put an arm around him. "I know how you feel, and I know it's all new and confusing right now. But I want you to know that Dad and I love you no matter what."

"I know."

"About Kazuko, though.... I don't want you to feel pressured to do anything, but I think it would be a good idea if you were honest with her about your feelings. I mean, the worst that could happen is that she says no." 

"I guess I'll try it, Mom. But, you know, I get really nervous."

"I know. But sometimes, you just have to go for it."

She took a look at her son. He was a teenager now, she knew that. But it had happened so _fast._ Whatever. She was just glad he was still going to her for advice, because she remembered how secretive _she'd_ been as a teenager. "You know, you can tell me anything. I promise I'm not going to judge."


	54. Chapter 54

After much deliberation, Iroh told Kazuko he liked her, and she returned his feelings. That summer was blissful. He had his first girlfriend, his first kiss. Their relationship was pretty calm. Sometimes, they'd go for walks on the beach together. He'd talk with her just to hear her voice, and make jokes so he could hear that wonderful laugh.

Fourteen was a pretty important age for him. One day, he invited his friends (and girlfriend) over. Because his parents were both doing work in different parts of the palace, one of them, Zhou, thought it would be a good idea if they had some drinks. "Let's have a little fun before your parents see, yeah?"

 _Whoa._ He'd never had a drink before, and he knew that the royal family had a history of, if not a predisposition to, alcoholism. "Um...."

"Oh, come on, your parents won't be down here for a while. I say we do it."

"Well, I'm in," said Kazuko. She turned to her boyfriend. "You know, you don't have to if you don't want to."

He _did_ want to know what it was like, though. "No, no, I want to. It's just.... my parents don't really drink, so we're going to have to get it ourselves."

They all groaned. "Okay, then. To the store."

In front of the store, Ping looked at everybody and said, "Okay, let's be honest here. Who of all of us looks sixteen?"

They all looked young, Kazuko with her round face and the boys, while growing, still pretty short. But Iroh was getting some muscle in his chest and arms and could probably pass for sixteen. "I think _he'd_ make a passable sixteen-year-old," she said, pointing to him. "A short one, but still."

"So... you want _me_ to go in there?"

"Yeah. You're the only one who can."

So, grudgingly, he walked inside, picked out a bottle of rice wine, and attempted to pay. The cashier looked him up and down. "You look pretty young."

He felt himself starting to sweat a little. _Uh-oh._ "Yeah, well, people say I have a baby face." 

The cashier crossed his arms. "Why don't you come back here when your voice breaks all the way? I can't sell to you."

 _Damn it._ "Okay, thank you. Have a good day." He walked out, utterly embarrassed.

"Didn't work?" asked Zhou.

"Nope."

"Damn." He sighed. "Guess we're going to have to get somebody to buy it for us."

The kids managed to pool their cash together and pay a passer-by to buy them a bottle. They passed it around among themselves, and Iroh puckered at the taste. The warm feeling in his stomach was thrilling, almost. But as he kept sipping, he started to feel.... _strange._ He was shaking a little, his face was hot, and he was starting to get a bit of a headache....

"Iroh? You okay?" Kazuko.

"I.... I feel a little weird."

"Yeah, your face is really red. Do you want to go home and rest or...."

"No, no. I just need to get some air, I think."

"Okay." She put her arm around him.

He took a few deep breaths. "I don't know what's happening."

"It's the flush. My mom gets it. Don't worry, it'll pass."

For a while, they sat together in silence. He was still shaking, but hoped it would pass like she said it would. And for some reason, with her by his side, he felt just a little better already.

The friends made a habit out of this. Iroh didn't drink as much as his friends because of the reaction he always had to it. But it was nice, being out there with his friends and engaging in the forbidden.

Izumi suspected her son was up to some things by now. She didn't think it was anything serious, just typical teenager behavior. She'd made it a point to tell him to use moderation if he ever wanted to start drinking, and not to let anybody pressure him into anything. But still, she wanted to know what was going on, exactly. 

One night, he told his parents he was going out with his friends. "We're just going to that little noodle shop in the hills."

She felt a little uneasy at this for some reason. "Now, I don't know...."

Kuzon put a hand on her shoulder. "He's fourteen. Let him have some fun. And besides, I'm sure he can handle himself."

"Well, _al_ right." She turned to her son. "But be back by midnight."

At midnight, he was still not back. Izumi started to get worried, but Kuzon told her, "It's okay. He probably just lost track of time. He'll figure it out soon enough. Come on, why don't we just go to bed?"

"Well, okay."

But she had trouble sleeping that night, wanting to hear him when he came in. As the hours passed, she got more and more worried. Where the hell was he? What was he out doing? Was he dead or something? Her heart raced as she thought of all the awful possibilities.

He _finally_ came home at five that morning. And his parents were _furious._ "You scared the hell out of us!" she shouted.

"What were you even doing, anyway?" asked his father.

"Um..." He blushed, remembering the night's events and not wishing to tell them.

Her voice was lower and more measured, but she was still angry at him for pulling this shit. "You're grounded. Two weeks. It's clear that I can't trust you to be out and come back on time."

"Mom...."

"Just go to bed."

The next morning, he was sitting at the edge of his bed, still stewing in his anger, when his father walked in. "What is it?"

"I wanted to talk to you about last night."

He rolled his eyes. "If it's about me staying out, then I'm sorry. I messed up. But can we give it a rest?"

"We're _not_ going to give it a rest." He sat on his bed. "What happened last night? Why were you out so late?"

"Why do you want to know?"

"We never know what you're up to these days because you don't tell us anything."

Hmm... his father didn't look particularly angry. He figured he could tell him about the previous night. "Well, if you're not going to tell Mom...."

"Iroh..." He sighed. "I don't want to keep secrets from your mother."

"Dad, please. I can tell her myself."

"Alright. Go ahead."

"So... it started out like I said. But then once we paid for everything, Ping got an idea, and we got on a boat and went to Ember Island."

 _What the hell?_ "You did _what_?"

"I'm really sorry, Dad." He looked at the floor. "So, we hung around on the beach for a while, and then..." He started to blush as he remembered what had happened next.

He could guess what his son was trying to tell him, and was starting to get a little embarrassed as well. "Did you and Kazuko have sex or something?"

 _How did he guess?_ "I... yeah. I mean, it was just oral, but... yeah."

For a while, he didn't say anything. He was still trying to figure out what to say to his son. His son, the teenager. It was a matter of time before he was a man. He was growing, and he had to deal with it. "Did you treat her with respect?"

"Yes."

"Were you being safe?"

"Yes."

"Did you have a good time?"

He chuckled a little. _Why all the questions?_ " _Yes_ , Dad."

"Well, then, that's all that matters."

"Thanks for not yelling at me."

"No problem, son." He patted his shoulder. "No problem."

After he'd been grounded for a few days, Izumi sat next to her son in the living room as he was looking through the family photo album. "Decided to go exploring again?"

He shrugged. "Well, I can't go out anymore, so...."

She looked over his shoulder, and saw that he was looking at some pictures of her on Ember Island. She could almost immediately guess that this was pre- eating disorder, and she realized, horrified, that this was the summer before she developed it. _  
_

There was one particular picture of her with her parents. They were all in bathing suits, and she remembered feeling so disgusted looking at that one. She'd said to her father, "Ew, don't show people that one. I look like a hippo-cow."

"No, you don't, honey," he'd said.

But she didn't believe him. Now, looking at that photo, she didn't see what she'd seen more than a quarter of a century ago. She saw a muscular girl who was, for once in a while, happy. Iroh flipped the page, to a photo of her before she left for a school trip. Here, she was noticeably thinner. "How far apart are those two pictures?"

"About six months, I think."

"You got really skinny."

"Yeah." She'd always known this was coming, whether she wanted it or not. After all, there always comes a time when one must talk about the difficult subjects. His father, on the contrary, had been very open with him about his struggles, making sure to tell him the awful realities of anorexia. Hair falling out. Constant coldness. A weak body and a mind plagued with awful thoughts. Your parents crying every time they see you because you look like death. "He needs to know," he'd said.

But for her, it was best to avoid that aspect of her life. "You know, when I was around your age, I developed an eating disorder."

So _that_ was why she was in that hospital place all those years ago. "Like Dad did?"

"Yep." She let him keep flipping pages, and he got to one from when she was seventeen. Her gymnastics team picture. "I was going to go to nationals with them that year, but three days before the competition, I fell off the bar and broke my foot."

"Did they win?"

"Yeah, our school made the top three. But I was wishing I was there."

There were a few pictures that made her nearly sick to look at. She was twenty in those pictures, and she looked awful. She could see some of her bones, but that wasn't what made her sick. Looking at that reminded her of how much she was suffering back then, physically and mentally. "Holy _shit_ , Mom."

"Yeah, this is before I went to the clinic the first time."

Iroh smiled at some pictures of his parents together. "You and Dad were cute together."

"Still are." He looked up to see his father. He sat next to them and kissed his wife. "Hope you don't mind if I join."

He shook his head. It was still a bit weird to see his parents kiss. There were more pictures with them together, of their wedding, his mother pregnant. Him as a baby. "Look at how cute you were," said his father.

" _Dad_."

There was a picture in there that haunted her now. It was innocent enough, her with her then four-year-old son in the palace courtyard. But her face was swollen, a sign that she was still suffering. A few days afterward, she fell down the stairs because she was so, so drunk. She had to keep from crying, looking at it. "Ugh, I hate thinking about that time."

"Why?"

"Things were.... really bad. I was bulimic, depressed, drinking too much..." She shook her head.

"Were you an alcoholic?"

"Yeah, from college on, pretty much. I could never have just one drink."

"How long have you been sober for?"

"Ten years next month, actually." She felt a little bit of pride, saying that. "That's why I wanted to make sure you knew to be careful with that."

"Well, I don't think you have to worry about me drinking too much. I get the flush."

This was news to her. _Stay cool...._ "Yeah, you get it from your father. But..... why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to get mad."

"Iroh, we're not going to get mad at you for that. But if you lie to us and keep things from us, _then_ it's a problem." She cleared her throat. "I don't think I've been setting a good enough example of being honest. But I want to start doing that now."

"Well, _that_ was difficult," she said.

"I know." Kuzon put a hand on her shoulder. "But I think you did the right thing, by telling him."

* * *

Izumi had been wanting to have another child for years. But, not certain that she had the time or energy to be pregnant or caring for a baby, she'd decided to hold off on it. Plus, she'd heard her friends complaining about how they had to deal with _two_ screaming toddlers and was somewhat repelled. But now, she was still thinking about it.

One day, she sat her husband down and decided to talk to him about it. "Okay. I suppose we need to have that talk again. Do we want another kid?"

He sighed. He wasn't really sure about it. "I mean, babies are great, but.... do we have time?"

"Now we do. Which is why I brought it up."

"Well.... it's just that you were in a lot of pain with Iroh, and I don't want you to have to go through that again."

"That's sweet of you. But I can handle it."

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

He chuckled a little at the idea of raising _another_ baby. He remembered how he felt holding Iroh for the first time. _I'll get to fall in love all over again._ "What are we waiting for, then?"


	55. Chapter 55

One morning, Izumi approached her husband with a smile on her face. "I'm late," she said. "If that means what I think it means......"

It took him a while to figure out what she was saying, but when he did, a smile spread across his face, too. "Well, if it's true, then that's amazing!"

"I know!" She giggled. "I mean, we can't know for sure just yet. Let's see how the next few weeks play out."

And over the next few weeks, she was feeling quite strange. But it wasn't until she woke up one morning feeling like someone had shaken the house that she knew for sure. _Yes, I am definitely pregnant._

So, that day, she told him. "I'm definitely pregnant. I know the signs."

He had no words for her, just held her. 

Now the next step was telling Iroh. So they sat him down a few days later and told him. He was _shocked_ to hear this. After years of being an only child, he would finally have a sibling. And his mother being as old as she was.... this was _crazy._ "Aren't you a little old to be having a kid?"

Izumi was well aware of her age. She'd spotted her first gray hair earlier that year. "I don't know. Maybe I am."

He laughed. "Wow, didn't know forty-year-olds could still do it!"

Kuzon glared at him. "Hey. Don't be disrespectful."

Izumi just smiled. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

Her pregnancy with this second child wasn't easy, but she was looking forward to when it would be born. She knew from personal experience that raising a baby was difficult, but also that it would be worth it. And honestly? She sort of missed babies.

Once again, the grandparents were thrilled about this. "Maybe you'll get your little girl this time," said her mother-in-law.

"I hope so," she laughed.

She and Kuzon grew to love this child. They talked to it from time to time. Once, she said, "When you're a teenager, I hope you don't give me as much grief as your big brother."

Kuzon's nickname for it was "bean." "How's the bean?" he'd ask from time to time, and she'd roll her eyes because it was just _so_ dorky, but she found it kind of cute, actually.

Meanwhile, Iroh was doing alright. He still went out, but thankfully, didn't stay out until five anymore. He did get into scrapes from time to time, which annoyed his parents, but ultimately, they'd just be relieved that he was safe.

He and Kazuko were still together. They were happy together, and they'd already shared a lot. For their anniversary, he made her a very elaborate flower arrangement and took her on a romantic picnic. Part of him knew that this relationship would have to end somehow. Sometimes, that's just how they are. But he didn't want it to. He just wanted to bask in the bliss for a while.

The family went to Republic City for the new year. They got time to catch up with old friends. One day, they visited Lin and Tenzin. They'd been living together for a while and were as good as engaged. Iroh was glad to see them, remembering that they watched him a lot when he was little. When she and Lin got a moment alone, Izumi told her about her pregnancy. "No way. How far along are you?"

"Five months."

"You're not even showing!"

"Yes, I am. See?" She smoothed the front of her robes over her belly.

The other woman shook her head and laughed a little. "I can't believe it."

As was typical for her, Lin talked about her job. "Just last week, I had to do a.... _very_ upsetting case."

"What was it?"

"It was a woman doing sex work out of her apartment. And the building I lived in when I was little, no less. She was a single mother, two kids, and it was clear she was just trying to support them. But the law is the law, so here I am, telling this poor lady to pack a bag for her kids while one of my employees is outside trying to explain to them that they're going to get taken somewhere else. And she was screaming and cursing at me, and.... ugh." She shook her head.

Izumi remembered when she gave her a tour of her building all those years ago and mentioned a lady who had a lot of male visitors. Of course, at the time, she was very young and couldn't know what that woman did for a living. "Was that the same lady who lived there when you were nine or....?"

"No, no. Miss Lim moved out a _long_ time ago." She sighed. "Anyway..... it may not have been _as_ upsetting as the time I had to arrest my _sister,_ but it was definitely up there. As soon as I got back to the station, I threw up."

"That's awful. I'm so sorry."

"Eh, what can you do?" She shifted a little. "I guess you're not the only one who's pregnant."

" _What?_ "

She smiled and nodded.

"You could have opened with that! That's great news!"

"Yeah, Tenzin and I are pretty excited. But I'm not really sure how I'll be as a mom. I mean, you know how I am around little kids."

"I'm sure you'll do fine. You and Iroh got on pretty well when he was little." 

"Well, I guess that's true."

A couple months later, Izumi decided to teach Iroh how to hold a baby, having him practice using a rolled-up blanket. "Now, hopefully, your brother or sister will be heavier than this, but this should do for now."

She told him to support the "head", and then taught him a few different methods. He laughed a little. "This feels weird." The smile on his face was so adorable, she thought. "You know, I'm looking forward to being an older brother."

She gave birth to a daughter, her husband at her side. Iroh sat in the room for a while and offered to let his mother squeeze _his_ hand. "Oh, wow, that's pretty strong.... _ow!_ "

"Yeah, here, why don't you let me do that?" His father took her hand again and looked up. "I appreciate you trying to help, but I got it."

"O-okay."

He watched the whole process, and it was.... shocking, to say the least. _That looks like it hurts...._

He got to hold his sister that evening, remembering his mother's instructions. "She looks like you, Mom."

"Yes!" was her response. They all laughed.

"What are you going to name her?"

She thought for a bit. "You know, I'm not really sure. Why don't you guys help me out?"

"Maybe you could play off of your name and call her Mizu?" suggested Iroh.

"Hmm... no, she doesn't really look like a Mizu." 

A few more ideas were thrown around, and then an idea occurred to her. "Ursa. How about that? I mean, I named _you_ after my great-uncle, so...."

And from then on, the baby was known as Princess Ursa. "Alright, let's have a picture. Get in here, Iroh." She smiled. "I want my two babies in it."

He blushed. " _Mom_...."

She kissed the top of his head. "Oh, no matter how big you get, you'll always be my baby."

" _Mom_!"

Unfortunately, Ursa was _much_ louder than her brother had been. It was like she would cry almost every two hours. The family lost a lot of precious sleep that first month. Still, something propelled Izumi out of bed to attend to whatever it was that was bothering her.

One particular night, though, she and her husband woke up to her crying, only to find Iroh holding her. "Sh, sh, it's okay." The infant seemed to calm down a little already, just being in the presence of her brother. 

Once she'd fallen asleep, he turned to see his parents. His mother smiled. "I guess you really do have a way with her."

* * *

Time passed. Izumi jokingly warned Lin to get some sleep while she could. "The best _I_ get these days is six hours total."

"Hey, I'm used to not sleeping. My job requires it."

Iroh and Ursa were pretty close. He played with her a lot, held her when she cried. He loved having something to take care of, especially his cute baby sister.

He and Kazuko broke things off that year, agreeing that they were better off as friends. Neither minded it much, even if it was a _little_ awkward.

That summer, Lin was due to have her baby, so the family came out to visit. But when they arrived at the hospital, Aang looked down and shook his head. "What happened?" asked Izumi.

"The baby died."

She gasped. _No._ "Wow, I'm so sorry."

She sat with Lin and rubbed her back as she cried. "I could feel her go _cold_ in my arms. It... it just happened so _fast,_ you know? But I wonder if- if it was _my_ fault, somehow."

"It wasn't your fault. Nobody could have seen that coming."

She shook her head and wiped her eyes with her hand. "You know, maybe this is for the best. I mean, the whole time, I was worried that I'd be a terrible mother."

"No, you'd make a great mother. This was just unfortunate."

For a while, they didn't say anything. But then Lin broke the silence by saying, "Maya. That was what we were going to name her. We said, Maya if it was a girl, Gyatso if it was a boy. And that's the name we're going to put on her grave." She shook her head again.

All everyone could do after that was move on with their lives, the best they could. Lin went back to her job, trying to forget about that whole thing. Sometimes, though, it would come up, and it always hurt just the same as the day it happened. Tenzin tried to help her, but she was increasingly frustrated with him for some reason.

Iroh, meanwhile, noticed that Naoki was getting increasingly restless. She was always talking about the future, and making plans to leave the country as soon as she graduated. "Are you ever going to come home?" he asked.

"No. I just want to run far, far away from here."

And that she did, the day after she graduated. According to Zhi, she packed her things and got on the first boat. To Republic City, apparently. Her mother was angry and now wanted nothing to do with her, but he figured their daughter was just going through a phase. "She'll come around soon enough."

A year later, he sent Izumi a few pictures he'd received from his daughter, of a baby. He was a grumpy-looking little kid, but still adorable. _Well, that makes him the first of our entire friend group to be a grandparent._

She called him to congratulate him on (presumably) his grandchild. "I just got the pictures!" 

"Yeah, they're adorable, aren't they?"

"They are! Congratulations!"

"Thank you."

"What's his name?"

"Mako." He sighed. "It's a shame I didn't get to meet him in person. Or the father, for that matter. She's _married,_ apparently."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Miyako _still_ doesn't want anything to do with her. I'm actually considering divorcing over this. I mean, that's our own flesh and blood!"

Izumi didn't have much to say to this. "I'm so sorry, Zhi. If there's anything you need...."

"It's- it's fine."

Iroh was considering military school, meanwhile. At first, Izumi was nervous about this, worried he'd put himself in danger _or_ drag the country into yet another war. But he and Kuzon assured her it would be fine. "I can handle myself, Mom."

"I think it's a good idea," said Kuzon. "It'll teach him some discipline and proper conduct."

She knew he was growing, and that she had to let him make his own decisions. "Well.... alright. But you'll visit, yes?"

"Of course."

The day he left, they all saw him off at the port. And as he walked onto the gangplank, he looked over his shoulder and waved. Izumi waved back and attempted a smile. But when the boat left, she couldn't help herself. Keeping in mind the events of the last couple years, she started to cry. Her husband put an arm around her. "He'll be fine. It's okay."

But that wasn't why she was crying. Right now, she wished she could change the last two years. Make them go a bit differently, perhaps. Suddenly, she had a memory, of when she and her friends were just children, playing in the palace courtyard. _Everything was so much simpler back then. Why can't it be simple like that again?_


	56. Chapter 56

Military school wasn't exactly _easy_. Iroh didn't know what he'd been expecting of it, perhaps a little more _adventure_ and _speed_ , but by the first month, he was getting tired of it. Drills, inspections, chores. " _Fuuuck_ this," he groaned one morning as their sergeant woke them up at the crack of dawn _again_.

But what was he going to do, go home, after he'd come all this way? Plus, it was just one year. One year of basic training and he could be a _real_ soldier. So for now, he had to suffer through it.

When given time off, he would go out and enjoy what Republic City had to offer. Of course, he'd usually go clubbing, a favorite pastime of soldiers and military students alike. But afterwards, he'd go exploring. Most nights, he'd cover about five miles on foot.

One night, he was at a table by himself, watching everyone else dance, when he heard a voice. "Hey, Iroh! That you?"

He got up and walked towards the voice. The speaker was a young woman in uniform. She had olive skin, toned arms, and black hair. Wait a minute, he recognized her.... "Hua?"

She smiled. "Long time, no see." They went towards her table, where a few of her friends were sitting. "Hey, everybody, this is Iroh. An..... old friend."

The friends introduced themselves, then she said, "So, what brings you out here? I thought your mom moved you all back home." Addressing her other friends, she dropped her voice to a whisper and grinned devilishly. "Apparently, she caught the triads' attention. In a _bad_ way."

The others gasped. "Ah, yes, I remember that. She wouldn't tell me what was going on at the time, though. But, yeah, anyway, I want to be in the United Forces, so I'm in training right now."

"Ah." Hua smiled again, calm and easy. "How are you liking it?"

"It's.... boring, to say the least."

She laughed. "Well, once your training's over, don't expect a whole lot of action." 

Later that night, the two went for a walk together. Finally alone, he decided to ask. "You know how my mom brought you to our house all those years ago?"

She gulped at the reminder of that aspect of her life. "Yeah, what of it?"

"I never really knew what.... what was going on with you at the time. I mean, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but..."

"It's okay." She sighed. "My parents were killed when I was twelve, and I pretty much had no one after that. So..... I was in the house by myself for a long time. But after school one day, I met this guy, and he seemed really nice. We kept meeting up and talking for a while after that, and I ended up telling him about my situation. And he told me I could stay with him, and he'd take care of me. But..." She looked at the ground and shook her head. "That was a damn lie."

This was the part of the story that she hated thinking about, even now. She hated how she'd trusted Guo so easily and let him lie to her. "He made me do... awful stuff, that I didn't want to do. But he said that the money I was making would go towards food and clothes, and that he'd throw me out if I didn't do what he said, so I didn't say anything about it. Still, every time we went out, I'd just hope that someone would notice and ask what was wrong. And one day.... your mom did."

He knew a thing or two about the goings-on in the city, and could easily guess what "awful stuff" she was talking about. Hearing this, he was almost speechless. He just couldn't imagine going through something like that, and at such a young age, too. "Wow, I'm.... I'm so sorry."

"It's.... whatever." She chuckled dryly. "I mean, I've been able to put it behind me for the most part." After a bit, she said, "Well. That aside, I'm doing okay."

They sat down on a bench together, and for a while, they didn't say anything else. _Should I do it?_ Iroh put his arm around her and leaned in for a kiss. But she put a finger up to his lips. "Nope. Sorry, buddy. I don't swing that way."

He could feel himself starting to blush. "Oh, um.... I didn't mean to....."

She laughed. "It's okay, man." 

"So.... how does your aunt feel about that?"

"About me being lesbian? I haven't told her. Probably never will." She got up to leave. "It's kind of late. I should be heading home now." She handed him a slip of paper with her number on it. "If you ever want to grab some drinks, give me a call."

Izumi worried about her son while he was away. Even if he wrote her reassuring her things were okay, she still felt a little uneasy. She knew he had a propensity for getting into trouble, and that could prove disastrous in the military. To alleviate some of this worry, she'd regularly ask Bumi what he was up to, just to see if Iroh's stories checked out. And one day, she found out that he interpreted his sergeant's orders rather expansively during a simulation and got hurt as a result.

"Iroh! What the hell were you thinking?" she shouted into the phone a few days later.

"Well, my way was working better, so...."

"If that was true, then you wouldn't have hurt your wrist, would you?"

"It wasn't that bad, Mom. I'm fine."

"Yeah, but think about it. If that were real, you could have been hurt worse, or even killed!" She sighed. "I'm saying all this because I _care_. Please, just do what they tell you."

He was a little annoyed that his mother was chastising him like he was still a child. But if it would placate her.... "Okay, fine."

Still uneasy, she felt the need to give him some important advice. "And one more thing. When the situation is dangerous, don't try to be a hero. Just run, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

Iroh was looking forward to spending the summer at home. He'd finished out his training and was feeling quite proud of himself. He had a little something to brag about. Plus, he'd get to play with his little sister again.

He realized how much he'd missed Ember Island. His feet hitting the sand, the shock of the cold water. As a teenager, he'd taken up surfing, and while he was a bit out of practice, he was still decent at it.

Little Ursa was growing like a weed, it seemed. She was a robust three-year-old with a lot of energy, and she was always begging her brother or her parents to play with her. She was particularly fond of playing in the water and splashing people, much to people's annoyance. But she was cute, so it was hard to stay mad at her for long.

Unfortunately, that summer also marked a sad occasion. The Avatar died, surrounded by friends and family. Nobody knew what had caused it. His wife thought it was sheer heartbreak. The years had finally taken their toll on him.

The shock was palpable. Izumi had known this man since she was just a baby, and he'd been like an uncle to her. Through her political career, they had done some important work together. And now he was _gone_.

Zuko was an utter mess after that. _Oh, damn you,_ he thought one night. _Why'd you have to go so soon?_ He'd lost a lot of people in the last decade or so. Why him? Why now?

A few days after the death, she finally decided to speak to her father. "It's going to be okay, Dad." She put an arm around him.

He sighed. "I've been trying to tell myself that life goes on, there will be another avatar after him, but.... nobody can replace _him,_ you know?"

She thought about this. Yes, nobody would be able to replicate his whimsy, his thoughtful advice. "Yeah. I know."

He kissed her forehead. "Well, Uncle told me once that part of getting older is losing people. That's just how it is."

After that, Izumi sat outside with her son. "Is Grandpa okay?"

"He's pulling through. We all are." She sighed. "He said that part of getting older is losing people. And I mean, he's right, especially if you consider.... everything that's happened."

She stared out at the beach and remembered watching Aang teach his youngest son how to make an air scooter. And they spent the afternoon whizzing past everyone, laughing. They kicked up sand, much to Katara's annoyance, but everyone had to admit that their joy that afternoon was pretty contagious. And as Izumi remembered that, she found herself wondering, once again, where all the time had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved Hua's character and I wish I could have done more with her, but the story just didn't allow for it :(


	57. Chapter 57

Aang's funeral was held in the city he'd helped found, with thousands of people in attendance. He'd touched the hearts of people the world over, and they felt it was only fair if they went to say their goodbyes. Izumi stood straight, her head high, knowing that he'd want her to keep strong. Next to her, Kya was crying, and it hurt her heart. She put an arm around her, trying to offer some sort of comfort in this situation.

Afterwards, when she had the opportunity to, she spoke with Katara. "I'm so sorry about this. If there's anything you need, I'd... I'd be glad to help."

The older woman smiled. "Thank you, Izumi." She sighed. "We've all lost a lot of people already. This is just the icing on the cake."

She looked into her eyes and saw so much pain. Yes, everyone had had their fair share of loss, Katara especially. "Yeah."

"But," she said, shifting a little. "All we can do from here is move on. I'm sure he would want us to keep on living."

That night, the entire family unit had dinner together. Nobody really talked. What was there to say? Lin had her arm around Tenzin. She didn't look at him, but the way she rubbed his shoulder showed that she cared. Izumi knew they'd been in a rough patch since losing their daughter, so it was nice, seeing them like this now.

Katara cleared her throat. "Well, since we all know why we're here, I suppose I should just say it." Then, standing up from the table, she continued. "I understand we're all upset about what happened. I mean, I know _I_ am. But I also know that over the years, we've all faced some unique challenges, and we've gotten through them together. So we're going to get through this. Together." She raised her glass. "Now let's have a toast. To Aang, and to family."

And the glasses were raised. Weeks later, they watched as construction began on a statue of him. He would now watch over the city forever.

After that, they continued with their lives. What else could they do, after all? Things changed as they always did. Lin and Tenzin had a rather nasty breakup. Lots of screaming was heard on Air Temple Island that day, and by the time she left, boiling mad, there was a rather large chasm. "He wanted to be with some other woman," she explained through clenched teeth a week later.

Izumi remembered how she'd felt after finding out her girlfriend had cheated on her. "Oh, Lin, I'm sorry."

"Whatever. Fuck him."

" _Whoa_! My _daughter's_ in the next room!" She lowered her voice. "Really, though, you don't mean that, do you?"

She sighed and put her head in her hands. "I don't know!" She started to cry. "I wish everything had gone like it was supposed to!"

"I know." She rubbed her back. "I know."

"We should be married by now. We should have a four-year-old girl. Aang should be alive. I mean...." She shook her head.

Iroh proved to be a good soldier, clever and quick-witted. But he was impatient and impulsive at times, both tendencies that he was trying to curb. He made a lot of friends, and at one point, he even got a boyfriend. 

The man was another soldier, Tri. A bit older than he was, at twenty-two. He was quiet and serious, but once one got to know him, he could be very talkative. They started off as friends, but that changed when, one weekend, Iroh managed to convince him to go clubbing with him. 

At first, he was a little nervous about being out in general. But after a while, he was able to let loose and have some fun, even dancing with Iroh at one point. "I haven't had this much fun since before I got married!" he laughed.

His heart sank. "Wait, you're married?"

"No, no. I used to be." He sighed. "That was before I knew who I was."

Iroh nodded. He knew what he meant.

That whole time, he was unsure if he should act on his feelings. But as they sat together that evening, Tri leaned in to kiss him, and he joined it. So many thoughts raced through his head. _Never kissed a_ man _before!_ "Wow," he laughed when they parted. "Didn't know you had it in you."

"I didn't, either."

The two were together for quite a while, and Iroh introduced him to his family the following summer. Tri was a bit nervous around his four-year-old sister, but she seemed to like him. 

Izumi thought Tri balanced him out well, and saw how happy he made her son. "Good luck, you two," she said as they left.

Ursa grew up, and she was always curious about everything. She'd ask an exhausting amount of questions, about how the world worked and why things were the way they were. Once, she asked her mother what happened after people died.

She thought of Aang, and her grandparents, and everyone she knew who had died. "What made you think of _that_ , sweetheart?"

"I don't know."

"I'm not sure. But I like to think that they stay in the air so they can watch us." 

When Ursa was seven, the new Avatar was finally found, a spirited little girl from the Water Tribe named Korra. Everyone got to meet her, and in her, Izumi saw little bits of Aang. It made her tear up a little. So much had changed. Some good, some bad. But that was what life was about. Change. 


	58. Chapter 58

More years passed. Ursa was advancing well in her studies, but could not firebend. This didn't faze her much, even if she got a _tad_ bit jealous watching her brother. To make her feel better, her father took it upon himself to teach her how to fight, much to Izumi's dismay.

She loved when her brother visited. She'd always show him some new skill she'd learned. And he would play with her, tell her stories about the United Forces and his travels. His stories were so vivid that she could almost feel the wind rushing past and the slight lurch in her stomach from being so high up. Sometimes, he'd introduce her to a new girlfriend or boyfriend of his. His life seemed exciting, and she wished she could live it.

One day, when she was eight, she decided to try something she'd read in a book. "So in this book I was reading, these two boys got kidnapped and tied up, and when the bad guys weren't looking, they flexed their muscles, then unflexed them. And the ropes dropped, just like that."

"Wow."

"Why don't we try that?"

His sister and her outlandish ideas.... "I don't think that'll work....."

"Come on!"

That smile..... it was just so hard to resist. "Okay, _fine_."

So he sat down as she tied her skipping rope around him. And he tried that maneuver she'd described, but, as he expected, it didn't work. "You know, Ursa, I don't think it's working."

"Aw, come on! Do it again!"

So he flexed his muscles again, but it still didn't work. "Okay... can you untie me now?"

As she untied him, she groaned, "I can't believe it didn't work."

"Oh, it's okay."

She was actually starting to tear up a little. "You do so many cool things, and I just wanted to impress you with _one_!"

He gave her a hug. "You didn't need to. You already impress me plenty." And she really did.

At nine, she started formal schooling, at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls. Izumi was a bit worried at first, but the school's management had drastically improved over the years, thanks to her parents' efforts to reform the school system. So, on her first day of school, she just gave her a hug and told her to have a good day. "You're a smart girl. You'll do well."

For the most part, she was a pretty happy kid. Like Iroh, she seemed to have inherited her mother's sleep issues, but thankfully, neither case was as severe. She was sweet and nice, so people liked her. 

But for some reason, as Izumi was watching her grow up, she felt a growing uneasiness. She didn't know why, because she hadn't felt this way with Iroh, but she figured it was because she saw herself in her little girl. She wanted to make sure she was safe, she wasn't being bullied at school, nobody was hurting her. When she came back from a friend's house, she'd make sure to ask if she'd felt safe while she was there, and that she knew that if she hadn't, she could tell her. 

Iroh had been with his girlfriend, Yazhu, for two years now. She was a spirited girl from the Fire Nation, Sunset City, specifically, and Republic City had been just another stop in her travels when they met. She was mysterious and enigmatic, and he quite liked that. They'd met when they knocked into each other while he was carrying groceries. They'd struck up a conversation that day and agreed to meet up sometime later. And ever since then, they were inseparable. 

By this point, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He loved the life they shared together and wanted to continue it. So, one evening, at dinner, he asked it. "Will you marry me?"

She gasped. "Iroh, are.... are you serious?"

"Yes."

"Of _course_ I'll marry you!"

They announced their engagement to both families. Her people approved of the match, feeling that being married to a soldier _and_ a prince would help rein her in a little. And Izumi and Kuzon were just glad that their son was happy. Ursa expressed excitement as well, because she'd grown to like Yazhu over the last couple years.

The wedding would be held that spring, and preparations were being made. Everyone was waiting.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. One day, Iroh came home and greeted his fiance as usual, but something seemed off. When he hugged her, she smelled.... _different_. He tried to shrug it off, but it was still bothering him. It wasn't until about an hour later that he pieced it together, though. So he decided to ask it. "Are you cheating on me?"

She raised her eyebrows in shock. "Why would you think that?"

"You smell like some other man." He could feel the anger starting to rise. "Was he just here?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That man! Was he here? Who is he, anyway?"

"Iroh, I swear, I don't know...."

He shook his head. "Don't lie to me. We both know it's true." 

She looked down. "I'm really, _really_ sorry."

He sighed. "Why would you do that? Especially if we were going to get married!"

"I- I saw myself turning into my mother! She completely lost her personality after she got married, and I didn't want that!"

He put his head in his hands. As much as it pained him to say it, he knew he had to. "Go. Just go."

So that night, she packed her things and left, and he just watched. As soon as she was gone, he pounded his fist against the doorway and wept bitterly. He was feeling such a strange mix of emotions, and so strongly, too, and he just couldn't take it. 


	59. Chapter 59

When Iroh went to visit, his parents noticed that he didn't bring his fiance. When his mother asked why, he informed her that the wedding was off. "We're done. She cheated on me."

She put an arm around him. "Iroh, honey, I'm sorry. I know you were looking forward to it."

"Yeah." He looked at the floor and thought of all the dashed hopes. He could have gotten married. Who knew, maybe in the near future, there could have been a kid. But maybe this whole thing had happened for a reason....

"It's a shame. I would have loved to have her as my daughter-in-law."

"Mom, can we _not_ talk about this?"

"Okay. Sorry."

When she left the room, Kuzon asked, "So, what happened with his fiance? Did he tell you?"

"Yes." She sighed. "Apparently, there was some.... _infidelity_ on her part. It's clearly a sensitive subject for him still, so don't bring it up."

 _Wow._ "Oh, of course."

Iroh spent the rest of that day obsessing over this. His sister noticed his mind was somewhere else and asked what he was thinking about. "Oh, nothing."

"Sure it's not Yazhu?"

 _In a way._ "Well....."

"You guys are going to get married! I can't wait!"

She had that smile on her face, and he hated to burst her bubble, but.... "We broke up. We're not getting married."

The smile vanished. "....oh. That sucks."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, squirt."

Who _was_ this other man? Was it someone he knew already or a total stranger? Had the other man known that she was engaged? As he thought about it more, he got angrier and angrier. This man had trespassed in his most private spaces, and dealt a real blow to his pride and his manhood. And Yazhu.... she'd betrayed him and broken his trust. How could she? They'd shared so much over the last two years. Did that mean nothing to her?

After dinner that night, when he and his father were alone at the table, he started to cry. Kuzon hadn't seen his son cry in some years. He inched closer to him and held him. "There, it's alright."

Iroh looked up, feeling kind of stupid for breaking down like this. "I'm.... I'm sorry."

He looked into his eyes and saw traces of the little boy he used to be, even if he was a twenty-five-year-old man now. "No need to be sorry. Sometimes, a man needs to cry."

* * *

In the months that followed, he tried to move on with his life. And for the most part, he was pretty successful. Trying his best not to think about Yazhu, he went back to the way things were _before_ he met her. He spent time with his friends, did patrols and training. All in all, life was good.

Remembering his childhood friend Naoki and wondering how she was doing, he managed to track her down one day. But, knocking on the door of their apartment, he realized she and her family weren't home. Sighing, he walked off. But as he was taking the streetcar back home, he thought he saw her on the sidewalk. She was with a man and two small children. He couldn't see their faces very well, but he imagined it was her, and he was just hoping she was happy with the life she'd chosen.

Izumi was well aware of how fast the years were passing. She and her husband were both fifty years old and had been married for more than twenty-five years. Their son was well into his twenties, and they'd almost seen him get married. Their daughter was still a little girl, but that was changing. And her parents were aging, too. Once, when her mother was teaching Ursa some knife-throwing techniques, she noticed that her agility had decreased, just a little.

Mira's daughter, also named Izumi (she went by Izzy to clear up confusion), was twenty years old and in college already. Like her mother, she wanted to be a doctor. Rina's kids, a boy named Rozu and a girl named Mizuki, were twenty-two and sixteen, respectively. The three women were getting older, settling into another chapter of their lives.

One evening, Izumi got a call from Zhi. His voice was hoarse. "I just got some awful news."

"What is it?" asked Izumi.

"Well....my daughter hadn't been answering my letters for a month, so I decided to go out there and visit to see what was going on. And then...." He took a breath. "When I got to her place, nobody answered. One of the neighbors saw me knocking and told me she and her husband were dead."

 _Holy shit._ "I'm so sorry, Zhi."

She could hear him crying over the phone. "What hurts is that.... we can't even have a funeral. I can't even give my little girl a proper goodbye." He took another shaky breath. "But what I'm _more_ worried about is my grandkids. I want to make sure they're safe, but nobody's seen them. They could be dead, too, for all we know."

"Did you go to the police?"

"Yeah, I just made a report. But, I mean, this is Republic City. Kids go missing all the time, especially in that neighborhood."

More years passed. Ursa grew into a pretty brash teenager. She was snarky, and it annoyed the hell out of Izumi for some reason. But a warning stare was usually enough to keep her in check, and if not, she could leave the room before she lost her temper.

Iroh turned thirty, surrounded by friends and family. Finally, his superiors would stop calling him "kid". He'd risen through the ranks of the United Forces, having been recently promoted to admiral. He had a reputation for being exacting, but still pretty nice to his men, willing to joke around and play cards with them. "When am I going to see some grandchildren?" joked his mother.

He blushed. " _Mom_!"

Ursa, at fourteen, was leading a secret life her parents didn't know about. Ever since she was eleven, she'd been throwing up her food. She still didn't know why she'd done it that first time. But it made her feel calm and empty when she desperately needed it, and it was a matter of time before it became a habit. Never when her parents were home, of course. And she'd been able to keep it from them for a few years now. But sometimes, she'd wonder if they were starting to notice. Because now it felt easier _not_ to eat altogether. It gave her the same empty feeling, after all.

She had a boyfriend, a college boy named Ren. She was actually surprised when he set his sights on her. He'd expressed surprise that she was fourteen because she seemed so mature. The attention he gave her made her feel beautiful and appreciated.

Two of her friends voiced their concerns, but she waved them off. What the hell did they know, anyway? She loved him, and those two would never understand what she and Ren had.

One day, Izumi and Kuzon got a call from one of the school's counselors. "A classmate of hers informed me that your daughter has been engaging in some dangerous behavior."

"Like what?" asked Izumi tentatively, knowing she wouldn't like what she heard.

"She shows signs of an eating disorder and is in a romantic relationship with an adult male."

A feeling of disgust flooded through her as she heard that. No. No, no, no. She'd hoped nothing like this would happen to her. But she'd failed. Failed to protect her daughter. She started to cry, big, heaving sobs. "What have I done?"


	60. Chapter 60

"It'll be alright," said Kuzon. "We just need to talk to her about this." He was very much distressed by this, as well, but he knew he needed to keep his cool.

Izumi wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "Okay." She took a deep breath. "Okay."

Ursa got home from school about an hour later. On the way home, she'd seen Ren, and they were able to talk for a while before he had to go to a class. As she always did after talking to him, she was feeling light and happy. But her mood changed drastically when she saw her parents in the living room and her mother said, her voice soft, that they needed to talk to her about something important.

"Oh. What's _this_ about?"

"Sit down," said her father, "and we'll tell you."

"No. I want to know what's going on."

"Ursa! Sit down!" hissed her mother.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine." So she sat. " _Now_ will you tell me what's going on?"

Izumi cleared her throat. "We just got a call from your counselor, and.... she said some things that worried us."

 _Uh-oh._ "Like what?"

Her father spoke this time. "Well..... one of your classmates has been worried about you. She's concerned that you haven't been eating properly, and because...." _I should just say it._ "You're in a relationship with an older man."

 _Who told?!_ "Which classmate?"

"She didn't say, but it doesn't matter. This situation is really serious, and if I'm honest, I wish you'd told us." He tried to think of what to say next. "Who is he, anyway?"

She rolled her eyes again. "Why do you want to know?"

Izumi was on the verge of losing her temper. "Because we're your parents, and it's our _job_ to know about that!"

"It's none of your business who I go out with."

She felt like she was about to cry. "It _is_ my business! Because I care!"

"Izumi." Kuzon put a hand on his wife's arm, sensing her distress. Turning back to their daughter, he said, "We just want to make sure you're safe."

Ursa sighed. "Okay, fine. His name's Ren, and he's a student at the university."

"How old is he?"

"Nineteen. He's not even _that_ much older than me, so it's not that bad."

"Ursa, he's an adult. He should not be setting his sights on a girl as young as you."

"He says I'm not like other girls my age."

Her mother chimed in. "I get that he makes you feel special and grown-up, but at the end of the day, you're still a child."

She got up from her seat. "Well, we love each other and there's nothing you can do about it." And with that, she left the room.

"Ursa, get back here!" But she didn't listen.

Once upstairs, she stewed in her anger. Anger at her parents for trying to come between her and Ren. Of _course_ they didn't understand. Nobody did. Anger at whoever it was who told her secrets to the _counselor_. But part of her felt a weird sense of.... _relief._ Ren had been talking about taking things to the "next level", and she'd been worried about what that meant.

As for her eating issues, by this point, she was starting to get a little worried that they were devolving into something more serious. She knew full well that her parents had had their struggles with eating, that they'd almost died. And for the last few years, she'd convinced herself that it wasn't a problem and she could stop when she wanted to. But now she wasn't so sure.

Izumi sighed. "We've got to do something about this."

"Oh, I know. And I think I know what we could do."

"What is that?"

"We could go find him and tell him to stay away from our daughter or there will be some consequences." His father had done something similar when Anzu was involved with an older guy.

Damn. Good idea, Kuzon. "Alright, then. How about tomorrow we go and do it together? I'm sure he'll be _really_ put off at the prospect of getting in trouble with the crown princess. Or the Fire Lord."

Ursa finally came out of her room at dinner. "Is everything alright?" asked her grandfather. "You were in your room for a long time."

She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."

"Good." He gave her a small smile.

She didn't talk for the rest of the meal, though. The adults at the table tried to make conversation, but she wouldn't answer them. The whole time, she was preoccupied with forcing herself to eat. It felt unnecessary now, but she had to do it so her parents wouldn't get suspicious. 

Once the adults had left the table, she couldn't help herself. She knew it was probably a bad idea to purge with her parents still in the building, but goddamn it, she _had_ to.

After throwing up, she looked in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and watery. She had vomit sticking to her lips. Steadying herself in front of the mirror, she gasped. _I really_ can't _control this, can I?_

She walked out of the bathroom once she'd cleaned herself up, and her grandmother saw her and went over to her. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah."

"Sick?"

 _In a way._ "Yeah."

Mai put a hand on her granddaughter's shoulder. "Alright, go to bed, sweetheart. You'll want to get some sleep." She suspected something else was wrong, but couldn't put her finger on it.

In her bed, her grandmother rubbed her back, propped up the pillows like she was still little. All the while, she was feeling terrible that she was lying to her, and everybody else. "Grandpa's getting you some tea right now," she whispered. "In the meantime, get some sleep, okay?"

"Okay." She felt like she was about to cry. "Thank you, Grandma."

"No problem."

Her mother came into her room that evening, and she sat up a little. She wasn't angry, which was good. But the way she sat on her bed next to her and stroked her hair.... it was too much. She burst into tears.

"What's the matter?"

She didn't answer, just shook her head. "Ursa. What did you just think about that made you cry?"

"I..... I didn't want to tell you, but I think I might need help." She ended up explaining what had been happening for the last three years. "I'm sorry, I just..."

"Hey. There's no need to be sorry." She held her. It hurt her to know that her daughter was having the same issues she'd had, but she knew she had to put that aside and help her. "We're here to help you. Always."

"Really?"

"Yeah." She cleared her throat. "Look, your father and I will talk it over, and we'll go to a doctor and see what the situation is."

 _Oh, no._ "You don't... you don't think I'm that sick, do you?"

"Well, the truth is, we don't really know, honey."

The next day, she informed Kuzon of this. "It's been going on for three years."

"Three _years_?" He shook his head. "I don't understand..... how did she hide it from us for so long?"

"Kuzon. I speak from personal experience, it is _very_ easy to hide that type of thing here in the palace." She sighed. "Whatever. We need to help her."

After setting up an appointment for their daughter, they carried out their next order of business. It didn't take them long to find Ren, just a bit of asking around. He didn't have any classes at that point, so he was sitting on the quad when they showed up. His eyes went wide.

"Well, hello, there, you're Ren, I take it?" She made sure her voice had just the right amount of sharpness.

"Y-yes, your Highness."

"I hear you're dating my daughter."

"Um...."

"Who is a _minor_?"

Kuzon crossed his arms and glared. "Listen, you better stay away from our daughter or you're not going to like what happens."

"Yes, I'm certain you wouldn't want my _father_ to catch wind of this," said Izumi. "Things might get a little.... _unpleasant._ "

* * *

When Ursa saw Ren again, he told her they couldn't see each other anymore. He didn't say why, but she suspected her parents had something to do with it. And when she got home, she was _furious._ "What's this about telling Ren he couldn't see me?"

"It's for your own good," said her mother.

"You're always trying to control me!"

Iroh was visiting that weekend, and Izumi thought that perhaps he could talk some sense into her. So she told him about the situation. "Yikes, that _is_ very serious," he said.

"Yeah. We've been trying to tell her, but...." She shook her head. "She won't listen."

Ursa was still in her room when her brother came in. "Hey."

"Hey, there, squirt." He sat on her bed with her. "So. I hear you're seeing someone."

She glared. "Did Mom tell you that?"

"Yes."

"Before you say anything, he's not even _that_ much older than me, so it's not that bad."

He sighed. "Well, Ursa.... would you date a nine-year-old?"

 _Why would he ask that?_ "No."

"It works the same for adults. That's not to say you're immature, it's just that we see teenagers as people who have more growing to do."

"Well, Ren says I'm mature for my age. He couldn't even tell I was fourteen when we met."

He looked at her, long and hard. Her chipped red nail polish, her haphazard eyeliner. He saw a girl trying desperately to be a woman. "Even if you are mature for your age, he's much older than you. Don't you think you ought to find someone your own age?"

She rolled her eyes. "It doesn't matter. I love him." But as she said it, she wasn't sure of it. "Just give it up already. You're not going to convince me."

He sighed and got up. "Okay. You love him." But as he turned to leave, he asked, "Do you love him? Or do you love the idea of him? What he represents?"

"I...."

"Think about it. It might take a while."


	61. Chapter 61

The next day, Ursa had her doctor's appointment. The whole time, she was worried about what he'd say. Had she done irreversible damage? Her mind was racing with all the awful possibilities.

"Well," said the doctor once the checkup was over. "She isn't in any immediate medical danger. However, as you all know, this kind of thing is very precarious, so I suggest you keep coming back so I can keep tabs on her."

 _Phew,_ thought Ursa. _I'm not_ that _sick._

"We will, thank you," said Izumi. She put an arm around her daughter, just relieved that the situation wasn't dangerous. 

Over the next months, her parents had her seeing a team of professionals. And at home, they tried to make sure she ate. It was difficult to get her to eat enough, but at least she was keeping her food down. Throughout this whole process, they knew to be patient, because they both knew how it was and understood it was difficult for her.

Ursa didn't very much like going to therapy. For some reason, she found it distressing. Sometimes, her parents would participate in the sessions, and then it would be even _more_ distressing. No matter how much everyone probed, she just couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. There was many an occasion where the therapist asked about the origin of her eating issues, and would pose suggestions. "Do you think it's your way of trying to control something in your life?"

"..... _maybe_?"

"What about your life feels out of control?"

As far as everything else went, her life was _perfect_. Unlike her mother, nothing traumatic had happened to her, and unlike her father, there hadn't been any real change in her life, like being uprooted. She didn't think she had any excuse to be doing this to herself. "I don't know! Stop trying to figure it out! You never will!"

Once, in a session with her parents, she went into a blind rage. Screaming, crying, hitting the couch. She knew it was embarrassing and childish, but she didn't care. "I'm not getting any better, and I don't even know why I'm doing this shit in the first place!" 

It hurt Kuzon to see his daughter like this. He reached out a hand to her. "Ursa...."

She pulled away. "Don't you touch me!" Exhausted, she stopped raging and held her head in her hands. 

"Ursa," said the therapist softly. "I can see that you're upset. And I know this is a confusing thing for you to deal with. But I want you to know that we're all trying to help. All of us."

She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "You know," said her father. "Back when I had anorexia, I felt superior to other people when I didn't eat. And.... even after I knew I had a problem, I felt like if I ate normally, then I'd lose that edge. Maybe that's how it is for you? I mean, I'm not trying to make any assumptions, it's just a suggestion."

Hmmm..... maybe that _was_ it. "Yeah, I guess that's.... _part_ of it."

"Well, what do you think the other part is?" asked the therapist.

She tried to remember back to when she was eleven. What, exactly, had happened? "I've always been.... anxious, I guess. For no apparent reason. And... when I was eleven, I was the first in my class to get my period, and I felt really awkward." She blushed at mentioning that in front of her father. 

"I can understand how that would feel awkward. You probably felt out of place, right?"

"Yeah."

"And maybe that's why you need to feel superior."

They were _finally_ getting somewhere! "Yeah, that's exactly it!"

As time went on, she could feel herself improving. With her parents' encouragement, she was able to eat normally again, and she was feeling much, much better. She wasn't dizzy anymore, and she could think more clearly.

Her parents liked seeing her like this. She was much happier, they noticed. On the morning of her fifteenth birthday that spring, Izumi walked by her room and saw her dancing. Swaying her hips and stepping in time to imaginary music. When she noticed she was watching her, she smiled and giggled a little.

She'd almost completely forgotten about Ren. But she'd been thinking about what Iroh had asked her. And now she knew that she'd only loved the idea of him. Keeping up a relationship with him had been rebellious and exciting, and it had helped distract her from her problems. But now, being away from him, she wasn't even certain if she _wanted_ a relationship. _I'm much happier single._

* * *

She and Iroh still had a pretty good relationship. Whenever he visited, it was always fun. And they would usually get into some sort of trouble, whether it was winding up on the other side of the country or almost getting into a car accident. Their parents weren't so happy with _that_ piece of it, but they were just glad their kids were happy together.

Ursa turned sixteen, and to celebrate, she wanted to throw a party. At night. "Mom, can I invite my friends over tonight?"

Izumi wasn't sure about this. She and her father were hosting a banquet with all the world leaders in attendance. "We're having some pretty important guests over....."

"We'll be on the other side of the building. You won't even notice us." She decided to double down. "Come on, _please,_ Mom?"

She sighed. "Alright, fine. But on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have _some_ sort of adult supervision." She didn't really trust Ursa's judgment, much less that of her friends.

"Okay."

Once her mother had gone to deal with the official business at hand, she walked over to her brother with a mischievous grin on her face. "I'm throwing a party this evening, and Mom says I need to have some adult supervision. _You're_ an adult, so could you 'supervise' my party for me?"

He grinned. "Gladly."

It was around midnight when Izumi could _finally_ go to bed. She'd had to deal with the Earth Queen's nonsense the entire evening, so she was _especially_ exhausted. "I am _done_ with Hou-Ting's bullshit," she said.

"Oh, so am I," said Kuzon. "Why is that woman so petty?"

"No idea! I was _this_ close"- she held up her thumb and finger so they were almost touching- "to telling her to _shut up._ " She shook her head. "Whatever. Let's just go to sleep."

An hour later, she was woken up by a sudden noise. "What was that?"

"Just the wind. Go back to sleep."

But after that, she heard the sound of something breaking. _"That_ wasn't the wind. The kids are up to something."

"Well, you want to go see what it is?"

"No, please, honey, I'm tired. You deal with it for a change."

So he got up and went to attend to the noise. It had come from one of the staterooms. When he arrived at the source of it, he saw a very large gaggle of kids, drinking and laughing, and _lots_ of shards. Somebody had spilled wine on one of the couches. "Alright, everybody except my kids, get out! Now!"

The other kids, not wanting to know what would happen next, scrambled out. The only other people left were Ursa and Iroh. "You two have a _lot_ of explaining to do!"

Izumi glared at them both. "When I said, 'have some adult supervision', I didn't necessarily mean your _brother._ "

"Oh, he supervised _plenty_!"

"Yeah, and he did a _great_ job of that, didn't he?" She gestured to the various broken objects. "The maids have better things to do than clean up after _your_ recklessness. You're both cleaning this up in the morning."

They both sighed. They knew there was no use arguing with her. "Yes, Mom."

"Now go to bed. It's _late_."

As they all left the room, she thought, _These two are too much._

Climbing back into bed, she said, "I love those kids, but.... what the hell are we going to do with them?"

"I don't know." Kuzon shook his head and laughed. "To believe I thought the military would straighten Iroh out."

"Well,it did a _little_ bit."

The next morning, they watched Ursa and Iroh work together to clean up the trashed room. "Okay, I'll deal with the couch. You sweep up the shards," said Ursa.

"Okay."

They worked pretty well together, and despite the circumstances, they actually seemed.... _happy._ When she had trouble getting the massive wine splotch out of the couch, he showed her the best way to get the stain out. Izumi smiled a little. Even if they gave her trouble, they _were_ a great team, and she was glad for that. _What did I do to deserve such amazing kids?_


	62. Chapter 62

Summer was always a favorite season of the royal family. School was out, and the heat made it so people didn't want to do anything, so everyone could unwind. Ursa was looking forward to a few months of relaxation before starting her final year of school. Already, she was thinking about what she wanted to do with her life. Perhaps she could be a diplomat. The idea of traveling and working in politics greatly appealed to her. But before the work started, she was ready to have some _fun._

The days seemed to slip by lazily. Because everything was so subdued, there was time for the family to just _be_ together. And every time they got together, they couldn't help but notice how much everyone had changed. The "kids" had kids, even.

On days when Izumi didn't have any work to do, she would spend time with her family, whether it was reminiscing about the past with the adults or playing with the little ones.

They all went to Hira'a to see Mira and Lee, and to celebrate the queen mother's birthday. This had been a tradition of theirs ever since her death all those years ago. They'd go to the swimming hole, set up her altar, and exchange memories of her.

Izzy brought her baby son, and when Izumi got a chance to hold him, she was reminded of when her kids were little. "Congratulations on being a grandmother!" she said to Mira.

"Thanks, I'm _still_ getting used to it."

Of course, the day came where she'd have to relive losing her grandmother all over again. As the family sat around the swimming hole that evening, she remembered what she'd told her that afternoon on the porch nearly forty years ago. _It still hurts, but it's been long enough that I can deal with the hurt._ She understood this now more than ever.

The sun was starting to set, and the badger-frogs were starting up their rhythmic croaking. She knew that the night was when everything came alive. "Grandma would have loved this type of night," she said.

And as she said it, she remembered when she was about nine or ten and saw her walking out of the house one night, barefoot. She'd asked what she was doing out, and Ursa's response was, "It's too beautiful of a night to sleep." Intrigued, she asked to join her, and they spent the night walking together, just appreciating the beauty of the place.

"Yes, she would. It's almost perfect," said Mira.

As they all exchanged stories of her and watched the incense burn, she looked at the picture on the altar. The artist had managed to capture the softness of her eyes. But this was all that was left of her. The picture and the memories. To dispel these thoughts, she tried to recap her life since the death. _I've recovered. I'm almost thirty years sober. I'm living well. It's what you would have wanted for me, Grandma. And I named my daughter after you. You taught me so much, and it's the only way I can repay you._

Just then, she heard her daughter's voice. "Everybody, look!"

They turned to look, and there were fireflies! They seemed to hover over everyone, giving off an otherwordly glow. Ikem had told her that on his wife's last night, she'd gone out to that swimming hole, and as she sat with her feet in the water, the first fireflies of the year floated towards her and hovered around her head.

Everyone gaped, and the kids were trying to catch them with their hands. Meanwhile, Izumi noticed that a few were settling around the picture. She smiled. Ursa had outlived Azulon, and Ozai, and everyone who'd hurt her. She'd lived well and made her time on this earth count. And Izumi was now doing the same.

The final month of that summer marked many occasions. Izumi and Kuzon's wedding anniversary. Zuko and Iroh's birthdays. That time of year when it got too hot in the capital, so they'd go to Ember Island for a reprieve.

Iroh brought Tri with him that year. The two had gotten back together, after many years. Neither really knew what it was that gravitated them back towards each other. But they knew by now that they loved each other. When they were together, it was like everything else melted away.

The morning of their anniversary, Kuzon woke his wife up with a kiss on the forehead. "Rise and shine, darling."

She woke up and rubbed her eyes. "I'm up."

"Happy anniversary." He showed her the gift he'd made for her. "Open it."

"Alright." She unwrapped it, and it was a drawing. It was clearly based off of that photo they had taken after that night out on the town. She remembered the warm feeling that had suffused her as his arm was around her, and she smiled at the memory. "Aw, Kuzon, that's so sweet! Thank you!"

In return, he got a little peck on the cheek. "I do what I can."

"You _still_ need a shave."

He laughed. "Thanks for reminding me."

"Well," she said, sitting up a bit straighter. " _I_ got you _this_." From the closet, she got his gift: a book of photos and drawings, that spanned from when they met up to the present. She'd added funny little captions to some of the pictures. For example, in one of them in their old townhouse in Republic City, she'd written, "Yeah, I think we're capping it at one kid...."

"Damn it, baby, you _know_ I can't top that!"

She just laughed. "Oh, bring it in, silly."

There was a special dinner in their honor that evening, and they remembered the days immediately after they got married, the long walks on the beach. It had been just the two of them back then. And a few months later, they found out they were expecting their first child, and their lives were never the same after that. They'd been through a lot together, that was for certain. At the table, they held hands and shared a smile. It may have been a small gesture, but it meant all the more now. 

One afternoon, Izumi sat on the beach, watching Iroh and Tri splash each other and laugh. At one point, they got tired of it, and Iroh just held him for the longest time. "Your son really does love his boyfriend, doesn't he?" said Kya.

"Yeah, he does." She smiled. "I always like seeing them together. Whenever he's around him, it's like his whole face lights up. I love it."

The other woman chuckled. "Remember when we were like that?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely." She remembered the giggly bliss of their teenage relationship, and their later encounters when they were in college. 

"You and Kuzon were like that, too, I remember." She took a sip of her drink. "Still are, actually."

They both laughed. Just then, Mai joined them. "Hope you don't mind. I hate staying inside."

"You hate everything, Mom."

"Well, not _everything_."

For a while, they didn't say anything. But Mai noticed there was a certain peculiar air about her daughter. "Is something wrong, Izumi?"

"No, no, it's just..." She sighed. "I get nostalgic at times like these."

"Ah."

"These days, I find myself reflecting on my life, and how I've lived it, you know?"

"Yeah. I know how it is." She'd been doing a lot of _that_ lately. "Do you think you've lived a good life so far?"

"Oh, yes, absolutely." She tried to think. "I've turned my life around, married someone I loved, I had two kids- beautiful kids, I helped a _lot_ of kids get out of a dangerous situation..... I think I've lived pretty well. And I've got a lot more to do, too."

Mai smiled. She'd always known her daughter would accomplish great things, and she'd seen it happen over the decades. "Good. I'm glad."

* * *

Mai celebrated her eighty-third birthday that fall. But something told her it was her last. And she was at peace with that. She and her husband had grown old together, seen the continuation of their family. They'd done some important work together over the years, reforming the school system, the social structure, the distribution of resources, making their nation better bit by bit. She felt that she'd lived her life out to its full extent, and now her time had come. 

A couple weeks later, they got into bed together, as normal. "I love you, Mai," said Zuko.

"I love you, too, Zuko." And they fell asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning, Zuko woke up, the sun coming through the window. A beautiful day. He could just tell it would be a good one. He looked over at his sleeping wife and went to wake her up. But when he placed a hand on her, she was cold, and his heart sank. He couldn't help himself. He let out a long, loud scream. 

Izumi came running into the room as soon as she heard the scream. "Dad, what is it?" Once she got there, he was hunched over her mother, sobbing. She could feel the color draining from her face. _She's gone. Forever._

In the days that followed, her father was a mess, and she was just in shock. It wasn't until the morning of the funeral that the reality finally hit her in full force, and she let herself cry. She knew this was just part of getting older, but goddamn it, it _hurt_.

She listened as the Fire Sages recited her mother's achievements. Trusted advisor and devoted wife to Fire Lord Zuko, loving mother to Mira and Izumi and grandmother to Iroh and Ursa. _When things got bad, she always believed in me,_ she wanted to add. _She loved me so, so much that she was willing to wait until I came around and was myself again. She taught me to defend myself. She treated Mira like her own daughter, even when she barely knew her. She liked fruit tarts. She loved Dad a lot._ There was so much more to say about her.

At the reception, she, Kuzon, and their children sat with her father. They all needed the companionship at this time.

A few months passed. While the hurt had diminished just a little, thinking of her was still painful for all of them. One day, Zuko decided he needed to sit his daughter down and tell her what had been on his mind for the last few months.

"As you probably know, I don't think I can rule anymore."

She nodded gravely. His grief was getting in the way of his work, and he _was_ getting quite old. "I can take over from here, Dad."

"Are you sure you can handle it?" He sighed. "Being Fire Lord was _very_ hard for me in the beginning."

"I know. But the world was a _lot_ worse off back then, and you were about Ursa's age." She gave him a small smile. "I can handle it. I promise. You can rest now. You need it."

He announced his abdication a few days later, and her coronation was the day afterwards. Still wearing white, she stood behind the curtain that day, nervous but hopeful.

She knelt down as the Fire Sages placed the crown on her head, then stood up. "All hail Fire Lord Izumi!"

Raucous applause. She looked down at the crowd. All the people she'd come to know and love over the years were among them. All of them, cheering for her. _Am I dreaming?_ She addressed everyone, in a stirring speech about all that she'd learned over the years, the state of the world, and how she promised to continue the era of peace her father had ushered in.

There was a celebration afterwards. Everyone toasted the new Fire Lord, and the great things she would accomplish. Her father patted her on the back. "I'm so proud of you, Turtleduck."

She blushed. " _Dad_...."

"Hey, you may be the Fire Lord, but you're still my daughter."

Everyone posed for a picture, so they could remember this night. She stood with her arm around her father and her sister. And as the photographer snapped the picture, a smile spread across her face.

Izumi had been told years before that she may not live to see her twenty-fourth birthday. And now she had lived through thirty-five birthdays, two children, lots of ups and downs. She'd _arrived_ , damn it. And now all that was left to do was to see what came next. 

**Author's Note:**

> So, as you can see, this is the end. A LOT of feelings came up for me writing this. Thank you all for reading this. I appreciate it. I'm still dealing with my issues, but I wanted to write a story where Izumi overcame all this stuff and became the badass world leader we all know and love.
> 
> *Note: Alcoholism isn't really my wheelhouse (it just runs in my family), so I hope I did an okay job of writing that piece of the story.


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